Let's admit our own 'bad DIL' moments

[Anonymous]

We spend so much time bashing our MILs. I thought it might be fun to admit our own 'bad DIL' moments. My MIL is a piece of work and I really do like to play the emotional chess game with her. She is a mediocre cook at best (making homemade meatballs or meatloaf is about as fancy as she gets) and I am a pretty great cook, really enjoy being in the kitchen, and really enjoy trying various tecniques and cuisines. When she comes over, while I don't *want* to invest the energy preparing anything for her, I put together the most incredible meals because I've realized how inferior it makes her feel. It was especially gratifying last time she was here, and I prepared beef tenderloin, sous vide asparagus, and potato pave (look it up - it's a beautiful dish). She was clearly feeling inferior and said to her sons, "do you remember when I used to make you gratin potatoes?" And one of them replied, "Yeah, out of a box." I was so pleased with myself.

You would think it would make her happy that her son's wife is madly in love with her son, has a successful career, loves to cook, and loves to host fancy dinners. But no - it makes her feel inferior. And I totally relish in it.

[Anonymous]

You suck

[Anonymous]

Tell me this isn't real.

[Anonymous]

I think that's awful, but I can admit that I have been awful to many people I love, at times, including my MIL. I can't judge you, OP, for choosing behavior you know makes someone else feel bad, because I have chosen behavior that makes someone else feel bad.

I don't think I look for ways to make my MIL feel bad. But I probably "jump on" situations to "punish" her that I might otherwise let go. Honestly, honestly, honestly, this is because she has hurt me in the past: both intentionally and unintentionally. But, I'm probably harder on her, at times, than I should be for the in-the-moment infraction, rather than just letting it go.

[Anonymous]

Why would she care about your successful career?

[Anonymous]

You have a mental disorder. Please get some help. I'm not joking.

[Anonymous]

OP, you just suck. I had a bad marriage, but I never tried to make my then-in-laws feel bad. In fact, I stayed two years longer than I should have because I loved my ex's mom and grandmother.

I'm sure that there are ways in which I disappointed them (including filing for divorce from their golden-haired son), but these were more due to conflicting values and miscommunication via my ex. The only time that I did something I knew would make them unhappy was motivated by what was best for my child, not a desire to make them happy.

[Anonymous]

You provided delicious meals for your MIL and family?

I couldn't call that a bad DIL moment, my dear OP, no matter what the motivation underneath.

[Anonymous]

I'd rather have potatoes from a box than your gourmet-with-a-side-of-smug. Blech OP, you sound like an awful human being.

[Anonymous]

mil came over for a full day babysit. Fil and teen niece too. Seriously, no need to sit our kids in from of the tv at all. I let them watch on any given day but that's part of our routine and gives them/me a break. But on a one-day visit with 3 sitters? Why not full interaction?

So we made sure. Before leaving, the tv setting was changed that DD couldn't figure it out herself. It would have been possible to press one button and fix it. But mil didn't know and texted to ask how. We actually didn't see the text.

I'm sure they just watched on her phone or played phone games.

[Anonymous]

OP here. If you knew what my MIL has done to our family, you'd be less quick to judge.

[Anonymous]

You're a smug b*tch. Nothing to be proud of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You provided delicious meals for your MIL and family?

I couldn't call that a bad DIL moment, my dear OP, no matter what the motivation underneath.

Seriously, I can't believe I'm getting flamed so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If you knew what my MIL has done to our family, you'd be less quick to judge.

So tell us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If you knew what my MIL has done to our family, you'd be less quick to judge.

So tell us!

Ok, to name a few things.. We had wedding gifts shipped to her house (my husband's childhood home) when we were engaged and several things went missing. Turns out she took and open and used those things as her own without telling us. She took lingerie from my drawers, and it turned up at her house (and smelled like her, so I suspect she wore it). She tried to convince me that I didn't need to visit my disabled mom in another state too often since I have a family in DC now. She's just an oddball. She has issues. She is the biggest issue in our marriage. Several years ago, I'd cry a lot and my husband and I would fight a lot more. Now, I've learned to play the chess game.