Let's admit our own 'bad DIL' moments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for the backlash, OP. My MIL and I have a very hard relationship due to her not understanding boundaries. Two big example of this are religion and family values. My Inlaws believe that my children must be taught to be catholic and attempt to teach this to my children through the threat of "if you do not believe, you will go to hell." As far as the family values, my MIL is stuck in a generation long ago and when my daughters talk about a career they would enjoy, my MIL will tell them something to the effect of "Well, yes, that will be fun until you meet your prince charming and settle down to raise your children." My DH and I do not agree with either view but no amount of talking with them over the years gets it to stop. So, I will admit that I did find it very amusing (and I truly enjoyed the moment) when my 17 year old daughter looked my MIL in the eye and told her "If your God would send me to hell even though I try very hard to do the right thing even when it's hard for simply questioning that what you believe, then I do not want to honor your God anyway." I also found it awesome and too funny when my 14 year old asked her if she would come to her wedding if she decided to marry a women instead of a man. I found the look on my MIL's face hysterical and had to leave the room for a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I talked to the girls and told them that although I shared their beliefs and agreed with the overall message they were sending her that they would never change her mind and sometimes we just need to ignore ignorant comments from others but secretly, I was very proud of my girls and enjoyed it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person but I am okay with that!

Your daughters sound like strong, independent women.

Not really they sound like girls spitting up everything they have been forced fed by mom and dad with no ideas of their own.

Girls who are desperate to please mom and dad ( who are probably not emotionally present) so they do and say things that will get them "pats on the head" from mommy.

[Anonymous]

Hi, Op

You should take a page from Michelle Obama. "When they go low, we go high" Maybe your MIL has mental issues that you are unaware of? How could it harm you to be charitable? Make the nice meal because you want to treat her well, not to get back at her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If you knew what my MIL has done to our family, you'd be less quick to judge.

So tell us!

Ok, to name a few things.. We had wedding gifts shipped to her house (my husband's childhood home) when we were engaged and several things went missing. Turns out she took and open and used those things as her own without telling us. She took lingerie from my drawers, and it turned up at her house (and smelled like her, so I suspect she wore it). She tried to convince me that I didn't need to visit my disabled mom in another state too often since I have a family in DC now. She's just an oddball. She has issues. She is the biggest issue in our marriage. Several years ago, I'd cry a lot and my husband and I would fight a lot more. Now, I've learned to play the chess game.

She sounds a lot like you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for the backlash, OP. My MIL and I have a very hard relationship due to her not understanding boundaries. Two big example of this are religion and family values. My Inlaws believe that my children must be taught to be catholic and attempt to teach this to my children through the threat of "if you do not believe, you will go to hell." As far as the family values, my MIL is stuck in a generation long ago and when my daughters talk about a career they would enjoy, my MIL will tell them something to the effect of "Well, yes, that will be fun until you meet your prince charming and settle down to raise your children." My DH and I do not agree with either view but no amount of talking with them over the years gets it to stop. So, I will admit that I did find it very amusing (and I truly enjoyed the moment) when my 17 year old daughter looked my MIL in the eye and told her "If your God would send me to hell even though I try very hard to do the right thing even when it's hard for simply questioning that what you believe, then I do not want to honor your God anyway." I also found it awesome and too funny when my 14 year old asked her if she would come to her wedding if she decided to marry a women instead of a man. I found the look on my MIL's face hysterical and had to leave the room for a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I talked to the girls and told them that although I shared their beliefs and agreed with the overall message they were sending her that they would never change her mind and sometimes we just need to ignore ignorant comments from others but secretly, I was very proud of my girls and enjoyed it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person but I am okay with that!

Kudos to your daughters for speaking their own mind. They sound like awesome women. Complete 180 from the op

They aren't women. They are girls and I suspect you and PP would not be hoorahing them for speaking their minds and making their own choices if next year the 18 year old decided she wanted to marry her high school bf and start a family and become an SAHM and take the kids to Sunday school or if the 14 year old decided she wanted to skip 4 years at Georgetown and instead do a 9 month certificate in beauty school.

[Anonymous]

I can't think of one time when I was a bad DIL, or even wrong! Lol

[Anonymous]

Before we had even found a location, set a date, etc., my MIL started inviting people to our wedding, which MY parents were paying for. We had already told both sets of parents that we planned to invite every single family member on both sides, AND that each set of parents would be welcome to invite five couples (10 friends of their own). We thought that was a very generous guest allotment, all things considered.

When MIL told us she "goofed" and invited extra people, DH and I told her that was not our problem, and she had to un-invite them. She was mortified. She offered to pay to have them there. Nope. DH and I stood firm: we said that WE had to limit ourselves to not inviting all our friends, and if someone was going to get more friend "spaces," it was us. We also said it wasn't a matter of more money, because you have to draw the line and stick to a budget, and we wanted the size and cost of the wedding to be what WE wanted it to be.

I don't think this was bad behavior on our part, but it has certainly never been forgotten. She brings it up every now and then. When she does, I say, "Yes it was very unfortunate that you created that embarassing situation for yourself." Not a generous response, but that really really made DH and I angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If you knew what my MIL has done to our family, you'd be less quick to judge.

I was expecting thi from you when I read your post.

You came across poorly. I knew people would call you out on that, and then you'd be back with the hurt bird story of why she deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I thought your post was crazy and not healthy.

That said an incident came to mind that no one in my family will let me forget. It was when I had literally a 3 week old after a c section and a very energetic and early rising 2 year old and was by myself - my husband was traveling for work. My MIL said she would come over at 8am to watch the 2 year old so I could hopefully sleep. I was so exhausted and hormonal and I was literally checking the clock every 5 minutes waiting for her to get there and take my 2 year old out.

She was late, really late. I was tearful and exhausted, I wondered if she was even coming at all. I called her up and when she answered I said, "you said you would be here at 8 but you're not! where are you? You're late!" sob sob.

No one has ever forgotten it, I will never be forgiven.

Sorry. We do crazy things when we are ill or exhausted. They should understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for the backlash, OP. My MIL and I have a very hard relationship due to her not understanding boundaries. Two big example of this are religion and family values. My Inlaws believe that my children must be taught to be catholic and attempt to teach this to my children through the threat of "if you do not believe, you will go to hell." As far as the family values, my MIL is stuck in a generation long ago and when my daughters talk about a career they would enjoy, my MIL will tell them something to the effect of "Well, yes, that will be fun until you meet your prince charming and settle down to raise your children." My DH and I do not agree with either view but no amount of talking with them over the years gets it to stop. So, I will admit that I did find it very amusing (and I truly enjoyed the moment) when my 17 year old daughter looked my MIL in the eye and told her "If your God would send me to hell even though I try very hard to do the right thing even when it's hard for simply questioning that what you believe, then I do not want to honor your God anyway." I also found it awesome and too funny when my 14 year old asked her if she would come to her wedding if she decided to marry a women instead of a man. I found the look on my MIL's face hysterical and had to leave the room for a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I talked to the girls and told them that although I shared their beliefs and agreed with the overall message they were sending her that they would never change her mind and sometimes we just need to ignore ignorant comments from others but secretly, I was very proud of my girls and enjoyed it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person but I am okay with that!

Kudos to your daughters for speaking their own mind. They sound like awesome women. Complete 180 from the op

They aren't women. They are girls and I suspect you and PP would not be hoorahing them for speaking their minds and making their own choices if next year the 18 year old decided she wanted to marry her high school bf and start a family and become an SAHM and take the kids to Sunday school or if the 14 year old decided she wanted to skip 4 years at Georgetown and instead do a 9 month certificate in beauty school.

What rude brats.

Nothing depicts strong and independent women from that story.

[Anonymous]

Hehe. MIL is probably quietly planning the next meal that she'll cook for you, Op. "Hmmm. How can I make even less of an effort on her meal than I did last time?"

Boiled hot dogs with a side of chips? "Oh, honey, I forgot to pick up buns but, here, I think this loaf of bread is still good".

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hehe. MIL is probably quietly planning the next meal that she'll cook for you, Op. "Hmmm. How can I make even less of an effort on her meal than I did last time?"

Boiled hot dogs with a side of chips? "Oh, honey, I forgot to pick up buns but, here, I think this loaf of bread is still good".

Lol.

True!

Kraft Mac n Cheese with a can of tuna

[Anonymous]

Little Debbies for dessert

[Anonymous]

My biggest thing: After a few subtle warnings, I screamed at MIL to STFU at Christmas dinner. She was being her typical asshole self and I couldn't take it anymore. I don't regret it at all, but I bet if she were on DCUMIL she'd be bitching about how rude I was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My biggest thing: After a few subtle warnings, I screamed at MIL to STFU at Christmas dinner. She was being her typical asshole self and I couldn't take it anymore. I don't regret it at all, but I bet if she were on DCUMIL she'd be bitching about how rude I was.

Wow! The f bomb at Christmas dinner? For shame.

[Anonymous]

Rotisserie chicken stuffed with Stovetop