Ever know a couple where the DH filed for divorce because the wife would not go back to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband would divorce me if I did go back to work lol

Yeah, some men do prefer the little woman to keep house for them. But many do not.

I don't do the housework. We pay for that and guess what, DH still doesn't care whether or not I have a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like a loser. What is YOUR income? My DH doesn't care if I work or not.

Wow. I think you're the loser, PP. Whose DH "doesn't care" if you work or not?

Why are you surprised that my DH wants me happy and isn't money hungry?

So why shouldn't DW want DH to be happy and go back to work and perhaps alleviate financial stress he feels as the sole provider, especially if that's the plan that was agreed upon?

Because this is DCUM where every DH is a +200K wage earner. In my neighborhood, we have women whose biggest decision every day is whether to get their nails done or have lunch with their girlfriends. They are working very hard to raise their kids, who are in school from 8-3:30.

Why are you so bitter about how someone else chooses to live their live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like a loser. What is YOUR income? My DH doesn't care if I work or not.

What difference does his income make? Assuming he isn't an uber high, typical DCUM'er wouldn't you want a spouse who engages in the workplace and has experiences of her own?

I bet he doesn't make much. Maybe he needs to fix himself first.

My DH doesn't care if I work or not or have experiences of my own, LOL. He wants me happy. I can have experiences at work or AT HOME.
Threads like this make me so appreciative of DH.

Wow you are very defensive. You must know deep down you are a losers and can not hold a job in today's market place. Did you go to college? I hope not...it would be a shame to waste a slot on someone who stays at home.

Wow! Who died and made you the purveyor of how people should live their lives? You sound very bitter and unhappy and likely very jealous that others have and/or exercise options not available to you. Worry about your own happiness and let others worry about theirs. Life is not a once size fits all endeavor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the posters on this thread who mention that a husband should let their wife stay home if that makes them happy must have a pretty good financial cushion. Just because something makes you happy doesn't mean that is what is best for your family. Most families, even in this delusional area, need dual income to live a comfortable life. I don't think there is anything wrong with a husband wanting his wife to work.

However, not everyone needs the dual income or lives a lifestyle that doesn't require it. People should stop worrying about what someone else does or doesn't do and mind their own business.

[Anonymous]

To many of the PPs: "Comparison is the thief of joy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the posters on this thread who mention that a husband should let their wife stay home if that makes them happy must have a pretty good financial cushion. Just because something makes you happy doesn't mean that is what is best for your family. Most families, even in this delusional area, need dual income to live a comfortable life. I don't think there is anything wrong with a husband wanting his wife to work.

I agree with this. It's not just providing for a family and your own retirement as a couple, but it's also about modelling for your kids financial responsibility. I'm not a believer everyone needs to work 80 hours a week, but I am a believer everyone should contribute financially to a household.

BTW: I divorced my DH because he would not--and I mean literally--would not go back to work. He was working full-time when we met and dated and married. Then he lost his job while I was pregnant and pretty much fell in love with staying home with baby. When baby started pre-school, he would not go back to working--even part time. We had a lot of fights and I divorced him.

I don't work outside the home and my DH and I model financial responsibility for our children. One is not dependent upon the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the posters on this thread who mention that a husband should let their wife stay home if that makes them happy must have a pretty good financial cushion. Just because something makes you happy doesn't mean that is what is best for your family. Most families, even in this delusional area, need dual income to live a comfortable life. I don't think there is anything wrong with a husband wanting his wife to work.

I agree with this. It's not just providing for a family and your own retirement as a couple, but it's also about modelling for your kids financial responsibility. I'm not a believer everyone needs to work 80 hours a week, but I am a believer everyone should contribute financially to a household.

BTW: I divorced my DH because he would not--and I mean literally--would not go back to work. He was working full-time when we met and dated and married. Then he lost his job while I was pregnant and pretty much fell in love with staying home with baby. When baby started pre-school, he would not go back to working--even part time. We had a lot of fights and I divorced him.

I don't work outside the home and my DH and I model financial responsibility for our children. One is not dependent upon the other.

There are certainly plenty of two income families that do not model "financial responsibility."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To many of the PPs: "Comparison is the thief of joy."

+1

[Anonymous]

My husband was very clear before we got married that he did not want to be the sole financial support of our family. Good thing I like working.

[Anonymous]

I was in this situation. I supported my husband through grad school. I was open to relocating ANYWHERE for his career (my job is telecommute friendly) and I basically functioned like a single mother while he was finishing his dissertation (when our kids were 1 and 3). He couldn't find a tenure line and refused to adjunct, retrain, or use his skills in industry (where they are transferrable). He suffered from the too smart for this world syndrome.

Strangely during this period, I got an opportunity to basically triple our income and he decided he wanted to be home full time. So, we talked about how things would have to change, I would be present much, much less and less able to keep the balls in the air and we would need to work together but a lot of things would need to be on him. I needed his support if I was going to pull off this new opportunity on the home front.

Let's just say it didn't work. He didn't do the housework, he was annoyed CONSTANTLY about the needs of small kids and didn't have the temperament and he decided the kids needed to be in preschool. Fine. He does nothing to look for said preschool, doesn't visit, etc, but complains constantly until I went and found three schools one of which is right by my office. He likes the one by my job because I can bring them with me in the morning and he can pick up. Great. So, this turns into him sleeping in and me along pulling myself together, getting the kids together and fed, and rushing them to drop off and work.

So, he decides he wants to go back to work, but needs time to write. Oh, and begins the whole let's do aftercare and you can pick them up. So, now I am doing this and walking in the door to no dinner, slightly less of a mess (just his) and having to do a second shift from 9-12 most nights to get all of my work done. He then proposed hiring a nanny and I realized I was in this alone. I mean, the process was like a lobster boiling in a slowly heating pot of water. You don't realize it until suddenly it was time to get out.

I told him that I spent the past two years completely abandoned, I didn't know if I could trust him and asked if he wanted to save this marriage, thinking therapy, etc. He responded by taking the next flight to Dulles to Thailand where he got a teaching job. I was floored, but in hindsight, it was clear he didn't want our life, didn't want to be a parent, and felt bogged down by the reality of raising kids and working and being an adult accountable to other people.

I ended up getting that nanny, getting divorced, and making a go of it on my own. Ten years later, he only visited once and the kids barely remember him beyond asking if he's alive (he is, I check in with my former in-laws periodically who are surprising understanding...my former FIL called his son a jackass when the whole thing went down and has been incredibly kind to the kids and even me).

I won't ever marry again. I date, I enjoy the company of men, but it would take a lot for me to trust something that intimately. I am happy with things the way they are, though. I am successful professionally, I have two awesome daughters who are brilliant and kind and funny, I have a great group of friends, and I feel at peace. Much, much more so than when I was married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like a loser. What is YOUR income? My DH doesn't care if I work or not.

What difference does his income make? Assuming he isn't an uber high, typical DCUM'er wouldn't you want a spouse who engages in the workplace and has experiences of her own?

I bet he doesn't make much. Maybe he needs to fix himself first.

My DH doesn't care if I work or not or have experiences of my own, LOL. He wants me happy. I can have experiences at work or AT HOME.
Threads like this make me so appreciative of DH.

Yuk!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband would divorce me if I did go back to work lol

Yeah, some men do prefer the little woman to keep house for them. But many do not.

Or some let their wife do what she wants.

Why would a grown woman needs to be "let" to do anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the posters on this thread who mention that a husband should let their wife stay home if that makes them happy must have a pretty good financial cushion. Just because something makes you happy doesn't mean that is what is best for your family. Most families, even in this delusional area, need dual income to live a comfortable life. I don't think there is anything wrong with a husband wanting his wife to work.

Sometimes it is the security of having dual income.

My brother lost his job last year due to a bipolar episode, it was his first ever, probably triggered by job stress. My SIL was an attorney but stay at home mom. A year later they are still both looking for jobs and struggling to pay bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband would divorce me if I did go back to work lol

Yeah, some men do prefer the little woman to keep house for them. But many do not.

I don't do the housework. We pay for that and guess what, DH still doesn't care whether or not I have a job.

I am sorry but this is not about you. OP said he was stressed out and needed his wife to work so he could leave the job he hates. Is this your situation? If not, STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in this situation. I supported my husband through grad school. I was open to relocating ANYWHERE for his career (my job is telecommute friendly) and I basically functioned like a single mother while he was finishing his dissertation (when our kids were 1 and 3). He couldn't find a tenure line and refused to adjunct, retrain, or use his skills in industry (where they are transferrable). He suffered from the too smart for this world syndrome.

Strangely during this period, I got an opportunity to basically triple our income and he decided he wanted to be home full time. So, we talked about how things would have to change, I would be present much, much less and less able to keep the balls in the air and we would need to work together but a lot of things would need to be on him. I needed his support if I was going to pull off this new opportunity on the home front.

Let's just say it didn't work. He didn't do the housework, he was annoyed CONSTANTLY about the needs of small kids and didn't have the temperament and he decided the kids needed to be in preschool. Fine. He does nothing to look for said preschool, doesn't visit, etc, but complains constantly until I went and found three schools one of which is right by my office. He likes the one by my job because I can bring them with me in the morning and he can pick up. Great. So, this turns into him sleeping in and me along pulling myself together, getting the kids together and fed, and rushing them to drop off and work.

So, he decides he wants to go back to work, but needs time to write. Oh, and begins the whole let's do aftercare and you can pick them up. So, now I am doing this and walking in the door to no dinner, slightly less of a mess (just his) and having to do a second shift from 9-12 most nights to get all of my work done. He then proposed hiring a nanny and I realized I was in this alone. I mean, the process was like a lobster boiling in a slowly heating pot of water. You don't realize it until suddenly it was time to get out.

I told him that I spent the past two years completely abandoned, I didn't know if I could trust him and asked if he wanted to save this marriage, thinking therapy, etc. He responded by taking the next flight to Dulles to Thailand where he got a teaching job. I was floored, but in hindsight, it was clear he didn't want our life, didn't want to be a parent, and felt bogged down by the reality of raising kids and working and being an adult accountable to other people.

I ended up getting that nanny, getting divorced, and making a go of it on my own. Ten years later, he only visited once and the kids barely remember him beyond asking if he's alive (he is, I check in with my former in-laws periodically who are surprising understanding...my former FIL called his son a jackass when the whole thing went down and has been incredibly kind to the kids and even me).

I won't ever marry again. I date, I enjoy the company of men, but it would take a lot for me to trust something that intimately. I am happy with things the way they are, though. I am successful professionally, I have two awesome daughters who are brilliant and kind and funny, I have a great group of friends, and I feel at peace. Much, much more so than when I was married.

This was a fascinating read.

PP in hindsight, do you think you missed some red flags while dating him? Do your ex-in laws spend any time at all with your kids? Is he still in Thailand?