Ever know a couple where the DH filed for divorce because the wife would not go back to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like a loser. What is YOUR income? My DH doesn't care if I work or not.

What difference does his income make? Assuming he isn't an uber high, typical DCUM'er wouldn't you want a spouse who engages in the workplace and has experiences of her own?

I bet he doesn't make much. Maybe he needs to fix himself first.

My DH doesn't care if I work or not or have experiences of my own, LOL. He wants me happy. I can have experiences at work or AT HOME.
Threads like this make me so appreciative of DH.

NP here. And what about you? I'm guessing you care if your DH works. What if your DH came home and said he's not happy and wants to quit his job? What would you all do? Would you get a job so your DH could be happy?

It doesn't sound like you are truly appreciative of your DH. It sounds like you are appreciative of his income.

Actually this happened. Thanks for asking.
DH was an engineer at his family's company. The closed the business. He didn't want to do engineering anymore. So he was home for 5-10 months or so while the business closed and he applied for an MBA program. I can't remember exactly how long, I think November to September. Then he was in school for two years full time. So he wa so it if the workforce for THREE years.
We had two kids and used savings and my income to live during this time. I worked part time but it helped.

You didn't feel the need to work full time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like a loser. What is YOUR income? My DH doesn't care if I work or not.

What difference does his income make? Assuming he isn't an uber high, typical DCUM'er wouldn't you want a spouse who engages in the workplace and has experiences of her own?

Right, because making a home for your family has no value whatsoever.

So do you think households where both parents work full time are just missing this value?

I am not that poster, but yes. I do. I have worked part time, full time, and stayed at home. There is no question that our home is missing something when neither my spouse or I have the kids and home as our main focus in life at that time. Yes, everyone gets fed and the towels get washed, but there is something valuable missing from our family life. I personally find. It easier when my husband stays home because I am so much better at balancing work and home. But he hates being home with the kids. He prefers to work in a place where people actually do whatever he asks them to do. So, he works.

But is that as valuable as the income you give up by not working full time? For my family, which has always had dual WOHPs and two six figure salaries, it's just not.

Yes. We have somehow found a way to live on one six figure salary without it feeling like a hardship. I can still pick up some hours here and there if we want to go to Disney world or something.

Good. In our case, it's not just the money but me needing to be independent and really wanting to maintain my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for the family (WOHP or SAHP, I don't care which) whose family has to eat grocery store prepared food all the time. I don't care if it is Whole Foods.

Stop being such half ass parents.

Why is that being half ass? Why isn't half assing it as parents SAH when you could give your family great financial security? And of course we don't eat grocery store prepared food all the time, but if we did, so what?

I don't care about the moronic SAH vs WM debate.

Then why did you say that feeding your kids grocer store prepared food is being a half assed parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of people like to rag on SAHM's with kids in school and call them lazy.

But I don't think it's that. I think that it's really scary and intimidating to think about rejoining a workforce after you've been left behind. They know that if they were to get work, it would be difficult and they'd be on the bottom of the ladder. They would go from being independent and calling the shots in their daily lives to taking orders, likely from someone even younger than themselves.

I wish people were more compassionate on all sides about our societal dysfunction around the handling of raising kids in the midst of figuring out a livelihood.

This is a huge issue for me personally. It is so difficult to get back in the workforce after 10 plus years out, especially if you need flexibility.

Some of us never left the workforce in part to avoid this. I get flexibility because I've worked full time for over 10 years here and I have a good reputation for getting the work done.

How does your comment help the pp? You don't know her reasons for staying home. She can't travel back in time.

[Anonymous]

I do, a co-worker. He begged his wife to go back to work but instead she quilted. He cheated on her for years before they divorced. He complained all the time about she refused to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hm. Not sure how you got "feel guilty" out of that. I was just trying to help PP understand that sometimes couples do have those discussions and reach a different conclusion about their individual families needs then she did.

The family's needs? Code for the woman doing what the man needs to her to do, in this case man the homefront so he can keep a job that involves travel without having to use paid childcare. No thanks. My career needs are as important as my husband's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of people like to rag on SAHM's with kids in school and call them lazy.

But I don't think it's that. I think that it's really scary and intimidating to think about rejoining a workforce after you've been left behind. They know that if they were to get work, it would be difficult and they'd be on the bottom of the ladder. They would go from being independent and calling the shots in their daily lives to taking orders, likely from someone even younger than themselves.

I wish people were more compassionate on all sides about our societal dysfunction around the handling of raising kids in the midst of figuring out a livelihood.

This is a huge issue for me personally. It is so difficult to get back in the workforce after 10 plus years out, especially if you need flexibility.

Some of us never left the workforce in part to avoid this. I get flexibility because I've worked full time for over 10 years here and I have a good reputation for getting the work done.

How does your comment help the pp? You don't know her reasons for staying home. She can't travel back in time.

Might help a woman tempted to step out of the workforce for a decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband would divorce me if I did go back to work lol

In other words , you're his property and proud of it too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. Not sure how you got "feel guilty" out of that. I was just trying to help PP understand that sometimes couples do have those discussions and reach a different conclusion about their individual families needs then she did.

The family's needs? Code for the woman doing what the man needs to her to do, in this case man the homefront so he can keep a job that involves travel without having to use paid childcare. No thanks. My career needs are as important as my husband's.

Maybe in your relationship that is what it means. I'm glad that your career needs take precedent for you. I'm sure that they would even if you were independently wealthy. Sometimes other people, when given a choice and having financial security, choose what they as a unit think is best for EVERYONE involved, especially the kids that they created.

It's great to have a choice isn't it? I mean, what a luxury you and I both have. I'm so glad that we are both satisfied with our lives and I hope that same for all of our children someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. Not sure how you got "feel guilty" out of that. I was just trying to help PP understand that sometimes couples do have those discussions and reach a different conclusion about their individual families needs then she did.

The family's needs? Code for the woman doing what the man needs to her to do, in this case man the homefront so he can keep a job that involves travel without having to use paid childcare. No thanks. My career needs are as important as my husband's.

Maybe in your relationship that is what it means. I'm glad that your career needs take precedent for you. I'm sure that they would even if you were independently wealthy. Sometimes other people, when given a choice and having financial security, choose what they as a unit think is best for EVERYONE involved, especially the kids that they created.

It's great to have a choice isn't it? I mean, what a luxury you and I both have. I'm so glad that we are both satisfied with our lives and I hope that same for all of our children someday.

Yes. Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like a loser. What is YOUR income? My DH doesn't care if I work or not.

What difference does his income make? Assuming he isn't an uber high, typical DCUM'er wouldn't you want a spouse who engages in the workplace and has experiences of her own?

I bet he doesn't make much. Maybe he needs to fix himself first.

My DH doesn't care if I work or not or have experiences of my own, LOL. He wants me happy. I can have experiences at work or AT HOME.
Threads like this make me so appreciative of DH.

NP here. And what about you? I'm guessing you care if your DH works. What if your DH came home and said he's not happy and wants to quit his job? What would you all do? Would you get a job so your DH could be happy?

It doesn't sound like you are truly appreciative of your DH. It sounds like you are appreciative of his income.

Actually this happened. Thanks for asking.
DH was an engineer at his family's company. The closed the business. He didn't want to do engineering anymore. So he was home for 5-10 months or so while the business closed and he applied for an MBA program. I can't remember exactly how long, I think November to September. Then he was in school for two years full time. So he wa so it if the workforce for THREE years.
We had two kids and used savings and my income to live during this time. I worked part time but it helped.

You didn't feel the need to work full time?

No, I didn't think that would make for a balanced life. My kids were little at the time. I didn't want to miss out on being there. Plus, when DH was in school, we were able to work my hours around his school, thus no daycare cost. If I was full time, I couldn't do that.

[Anonymous]

Yes

He's a MD and she was a RN at the time. The plan was for her to go back to work after having their 1st kid and she refused; 2 years later she had their 2nd kid and still refused to go back so he filed about 2 years later

He has since remarried, had another kid and guess what, his 2nd wife went back to work after having their child; his ex-wife though is still single and regrets what she did to their marriage.

As with all marriages, there are things going on that no one else knows about so I can only speak on the little bit of info they each gave.

[Anonymous]

I would have no respect for a man who rather have strangers taking care of his kids than his wife. I would also think the husband was weak for being dependent upon his wife income. If your babies and toddlers are in the care of someone else for 8 to 10 hours a day while both parents accumulate more money that's not needed to live comfortably you are selfish . Small children should be raised by their parents not strangers. If career is more important than raising your small kids get a pet instead. I rarely see the men pull their weight on the home front when both parents work outside the home. I also know a lot of men who wants their wife to work but also have expectations like a home cooked meal and everything to be taken care like she sahm. Every family has to decide what works for them especially with small children. However if the husband still demands he wife return to work after having a baby he must do his share at home.