Found out my son is not mine

[Anonymous]

If the bio dad is willing to step up, I'd let the boy go. Be his Uncle Mikey or whatever. Stay in touch once in a while. No child support! See a lawyer if you must.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't even know where to post this...

Found out today that my son is not mine. Very long story short...

I dated a woman for about a year and things were very rocky, I was going to end it and then found out she was pregnant so we stayed together for another two years to try and raise our son together. Broke up with her after I found out she cheated on me and there was a possibility that my son was not mine biologically. Just found out today that he is biologically not my son. I love him with all my heart but I don't know what to do. The mother wants to get back together and work things out, but I'm so torn. Should I stay in my son's life? He is 2.5 years old now and if I leave his life now, he probably won't remember me and will be able to live his life drama free with his biological dad. The biological dad BTW is a great guy besides sleeping with my ex and wants to be in my son's life.

Work what out? Your entire relationship is built on lies. You want to fight for that?

[Anonymous]

I know a child who is going through this right now at age 3 and having a very hard time with it. To complicate matters, he has a younger brother whose father is the man he has always known as his. The non-bio dad has remained in the picture, pays child support and has visitation, but the little boy was told he was not his bio dad and was crushed. Whatever you do, please be gentle with the little guy. None of this is his fault. And do not get back together with the mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This child is yours, OP, in every way that matters. Don't leave him.

Um, actually not. He is not the biological father. He may or may not be responsible financially. Imagine the emotional roller coaster this poor kid is on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State law differs, but in most cases, people have between 2 months and 2 years to get a DNA test to remove their name from the birth certificate. If the person fails to do so in the required time period, they will be legally responsible for child support until the child reaches the age of majority, usually 18. The only way they will be excused from child support payments is if the biological parent (or another responsible individual in the court’s discretion) steps up and claims support for the child.

Well, if the Op is legally the father than the Op could fight for custody of this child? Maybe that would be the way to go. He could then sue for this woman for child support...

Well, no. Why take the child away from his mother unless she's unfit. (Which is another discussion when women pull this bs)

However, OP. If you're on the birth certificate and have been raising this child as your son, believing that to be true, then I wonder about visitation rights.

What this woman has done to her child and these men is absolutely cruel and extremely selfish. Maybe she isn't fit to be the primary guardian of this child. Maybe this child would be better off in a loving home with his two dads who could live as roommates (they would both be free to date) and deal with this woman as a united team - not banning her from seeing her child but ensuring that her interactions with the child are appropriate and healthy.

[Anonymous]

Do not get involved with the mother.

Don't just take her word for it get copies of the test results and see a lawyer.

As for your relationship with the little boy I think you have to step back and let his father be dad. Doesn't mean you reject the child but you can't take the lead role any more.

Also I hate to say it, but once your ex finds out you aren't going to be her boyfriend she'll keep the kid from you.

So sorry you're going through this.

I repeat do not get back with mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This child is yours, OP, in every way that matters. Don't leave him.

No, he is not. The childvhas a biological father who wants him and OP does' t stand a snowball's chance in bell of any kind of custody. Cut all ties now but consult a lawyer to make sure OP is forever off the hook for this kid.

Depending on how I felt toward the slut mother, I might try to get reimbursement for all money he has spent on this kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This child is yours, OP, in every way that matters. Don't leave him.

No, he is not. The childvhas a biological father who wants him and OP does' t stand a snowball's chance in bell of any kind of custody. Cut all ties now but consult a lawyer to make sure OP is forever off the hook for this kid.

Depending on how I felt toward the slut mother, I might try to get reimbursement for all money he has spent on this kid.

That's what I thought: Sue for child support. I also agree that the mother will not let OP have a relationship with a child no matter his intentions. Once she finds out she can't use the child for emotional blackmail, she'll cut ties, child be damned. It's best to exit gracefully and yes, with an attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Run, don't walk

This. OP, you must be crazy to entertain any other option. Don't refer to the child as your son. He is not. He has a father who is willing to step in.

This whole thing sucks, but man up and cut your losses here. Go find a woman who will have children with you.

This seems best for the child which is what matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been raising him since birth, in the same household? I have a 3 yo, and I can't imagine just up and walking out on her one day. It breaks my heart just thinking about a child having to go through that.

+1000

Yep. And this lousy mother can take full credit for putting her little boy and these two men in this terrible situation.

I suppose the Op should just suck it up and allow himself to be relegated to the child support provider while this other man takes over the parenting duties with his biological son....is that right?

Do you have kids?

NP. I have seen this happen, and it is heartbreaking all around. No, you don't want to walk out n your kid. No, you don't want to have to pay child support. No, you don't want to suddenly be the "not dad Dad." None of it. But you can't go on as normal. I blame the mom.

[Anonymous]

Yes, the best interests of the child are what matters and you are legally his father once you take resposibility for him and assume the role of father (which you have). You hare a legal right to be this child's father and a moral obligation, and it sounds like you love him as a son. He will have two fathers in his life.

[Anonymous]

Go and see Mamma Mia, STAT! This has all played out before.

Okay, but seriously, a consultation with a lawyer is probably in order. If I were you (and you think the biological father is a good guy), I would step back slightly to let him step into the father role. I would ask that both he and the boy's mother allow you to remain in this child's life in some way.

A child can never be surrounded by too many people that love and care for him.

Good for you for being a real stand up guy!

[mjsmith]

OP

in a nutshell
Dated for a year.... wanted out. found out girlfriend was preggo. stayed for another two years (nine months while she was preg and another 15 months after kid was born) when she cheated on you a second time (first time was with bio dad)

So when you left, kid was maybe 15 months old... now a year and change later she wants to get back...

But i would imagine that Bio mom and Bio dad are holding a royal flush of cards. the child is not yours. you and exgirlfreind where not married, you did not adopt the child. And were happy to break up with her when you found that she cheated on your and the child was not yours. Now that you found out the child is definitely not yours, you want to care for the child while the biofather is a great dad... and you want the kid to live a drama free life...

In all honest I doubt you have any rights.

and in all honesty, this is one family you probably don't want to be part of of. exGF sounds like a load, love to a be a fly on the wall when you try to explain this to a new girlfriend or potential wife... "yeah well you see, I had unprotected sex with this girl, thought I got her knocked up, so I stayed, found out she cheated on me and the kid might not be mine, and I left. well a few months ago I found out the bio mom wanted to get back together and I found the child really isn't mine, but I wanted to stay around and confuse the shit out of the 2 year kid with a great bio father and be close to an exgirlfriend.

your girlfriend wont walk, but will run from this train wreck.

you said it yourself you want the child to have a drama free life.... just walk away... tell biomom thanks for the memories but...the child has a bio father who wants to step up. Yes it migh tough on you, but you gotta think about the child...what is best for him....

[Anonymous]

I can't understand why you wouldn't want to run from the situation and be glad you can be free and clear of this woman. The kid will not remember you and since you're not a daily part of his life, he likely won't even notice. My MIL took care of my oldest from teh time he was 12 weeks old until she died when he 3. He asked about her a couple of times and that was it. He didn't really understand death and wasn't even upset He doesn't remember her and hardly remembers his grandfather who died when he was 8. There's not going to be any emotional fallout on the boy's part.

You should run.

[Anonymous]

You are a fool if you have anything to do with that woman or give her and her kid a dime or a minute of your further attention.