Found out my son is not mine

[Anonymous]

mjsmith wrote:OP

in a nutshell
Dated for a year.... wanted out. found out girlfriend was preggo. stayed for another two years (nine months while she was preg and another 15 months after kid was born) when she cheated on you a second time (first time was with bio dad)

So when you left, kid was maybe 15 months old... now a year and change later she wants to get back...

But i would imagine that Bio mom and Bio dad are holding a royal flush of cards. the child is not yours. you and exgirlfreind where not married, you did not adopt the child. And were happy to break up with her when you found that she cheated on your and the child was not yours. Now that you found out the child is definitely not yours, you want to care for the child while the biofather is a great dad... and you want the kid to live a drama free life...

In all honest I doubt you have any rights.

and in all honesty, this is one family you probably don't want to be part of of. exGF sounds like a load, love to a be a fly on the wall when you try to explain this to a new girlfriend or potential wife... "yeah well you see, I had unprotected sex with this girl, thought I got her knocked up, so I stayed, found out she cheated on me and the kid might not be mine, and I left. well a few months ago I found out the bio mom wanted to get back together and I found the child really isn't mine, but I wanted to stay around and confuse the shit out of the 2 year kid with a great bio father and be close to an exgirlfriend.

your girlfriend wont walk, but will run from this train wreck.

you said it yourself you want the child to have a drama free life.... just walk away... tell biomom thanks for the memories but...the child has a bio father who wants to step up. Yes it migh tough on you, but you gotta think about the child...what is best for him....

These are the cards laid out on the table face up. Not pretty, but it is what it is. Sorry, Op.

[Anonymous]

Only sane thing to do is walk away. Not your monkeys, not your circus. Let the ACTUAL father raise his child.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you on the birth certificate as the father? If so, you need to seek legal advice NOW. If not, I would step away now, the sooner the better, so the poor kid can have a life without remembering you. That woman is a B. So sorry for your situation.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused, am I reading this incorrectly?

OP broke up with his girlfriend, so presumably moved out, and is still broken up, due to concerns that his gf had cheated on him and child was not his.

He finds out (from girlfriend?) today, while still broken up and not living with girlfriend or son, though we don't know how long he has been broken up/away, that the child is definitely not his but his girlfriend wants him back.

Why would the girlfriend call her ex with the news that the child is not his and want to get back together? With the bio dad in the picture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't leave a child I loved, can you become more if an uncle type figure? You and the bio dad gradually switch roles......

This is a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

You love him - you should stay involved and make sure the biological dad pays child support.

[Anonymous]

It's truly frightening how many people on this site advocate for the abandonment of a very young child by his parent. And then probably would complain when that child displays behavioral problems in public. And call the mother a slut?

You reap what you sow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's truly frightening how many people on this site advocate for the abandonment of a very young child by his parent. And then probably would complain when that child displays behavioral problems in public. And call the mother a slut?

You reap what you sow.

How many other people's children have you raised?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't understand why you wouldn't want to run from the situation and be glad you can be free and clear of this woman. The kid will not remember you and since you're not a daily part of his life, he likely won't even notice. My MIL took care of my oldest from teh time he was 12 weeks old until she died when he 3. He asked about her a couple of times and that was it. He didn't really understand death and wasn't even upset He doesn't remember her and hardly remembers his grandfather who died when he was 8. There's not going to be any emotional fallout on the boy's part.

You should run.

This. My mom only visits once in a while, and our toddler has to get reacquainted with her each and every time. The child is young, so posters who call reasonable people assholes are just trying to feel better about themselves or some shit. There's no thought behind their name calling at all.

[mjsmith]

Anonymous wrote:It's truly frightening how many people on this site advocate for the abandonment of a very young child by his parent. And then probably would complain when that child displays behavioral problems in public. And call the mother a slut?

You reap what you sow.

Hes not abandoning the child. the child has a bio mother and a bio father...who is apparently a great guy(by exbf own admission). I don't see the abandonment... maybe exgf doesn't like biodad as much as she likes the OP. but that not OP's problem. I would not take back a two time cheater, who apparently likes to lie as well...

OP is not the parent. hes some guy that the biomom is jerking around like a dog on a leash. yeah he's a stand up guy for hanging around for 12-15 months of the kids life. but its not his kid....

don't confuse the kid, give the kid the drama free life he deserves and you want him to have with his biomom and biodad. put the fork down, wipe your mouth with the napkin take a pass on desert and step away from the dinner table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's truly frightening how many people on this site advocate for the abandonment of a very young child by his parent. And then probably would complain when that child displays behavioral problems in public. And call the mother a slut?

You reap what you sow.

How many other people's children have you raised?

That's an inane question. Would I continue to raise my child if I found out, say, that she was "switched at birth?" Yeah, I would. Being a parent isn't about being a sperm donor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's truly frightening how many people on this site advocate for the abandonment of a very young child by his parent. And then probably would complain when that child displays behavioral problems in public. And call the mother a slut?

You reap what you sow.

How many other people's children have you raised?

That's an inane question. Would I continue to raise my child if I found out, say, that she was "switched at birth?" Yeah, I would. Being a parent isn't about being a sperm donor.

Coulda, shoulda, woulda. Tell me what you did, not what you think you would do. Unless you considered somewhat similar options, you have no moral standing for judging OP or any of the posters.

I did have a brush with genetic issues in my family. Although my situation was completely different, I can appreciate the importance of genetic ties and the value people place on them. Until you grow up enough to respect that, you have no business lecturing others on parenting v. sperm donation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't leave a child I loved, can you become more if an uncle type figure? You and the bio dad gradually switch roles......

This is a recipe for disaster.

NP - Why? I thought it was the best advice given, aside from seeing a lawyer. The child deserves a strong relationship with his actual father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't leave a child I loved, can you become more if an uncle type figure? You and the bio dad gradually switch roles......

This is a recipe for disaster.

NP - Why? I thought it was the best advice given, aside from seeing a lawyer. The child deserves a strong relationship with his actual father.

NP. Because the child is young, and switching gears now won't do any damage. Once the child is older, the drama of it all will weigh heavily on him. It's like cutting the proverbial tail piece by piece instead of one clean slice. It is torturous for both the men and the child. I really can't see how this is a good idea to prolong this situation.

[Anonymous]

Op - you can not trust a word this woman says. She's an admitted liar.

Get a DNA test done to verify that you are not the biological father. She might not be telling the truth.