Found out my son is not mine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, the best interests of the child are what matters and you are legally his father once you take resposibility for him and assume the role of father (which you have). You hare a legal right to be this child's father and a moral obligation, and it sounds like you love him as a son. He will have two fathers in his life.

You don't know what you're talking about. The law will side with the biological parents the second they decide they want to assume a more active role in the child's life. If the biological father wants to assume his parenting role and takes the OP to court, the OP will have no chance in hell, none at all. The bio dad will be entitled to make every single decision in the child's life. OP won't be able to make a single one. So stop talking about legal rights because OP will have NONE once the biodad decides to step in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's truly frightening how many people on this site advocate for the abandonment of a very young child by his parent. And then probably would complain when that child displays behavioral problems in public. And call the mother a slut?

You reap what you sow.

How many other people's children have you raised?

That's an inane question. Would I continue to raise my child if I found out, say, that she was "switched at birth?" Yeah, I would. Being a parent isn't about being a sperm donor.

Sperm donor isn't unimportant when that sperm donor has all the parental rights and you have none.

[Anonymous]

My DH's best friend went through this and decided to walk away from the kid. He felt it would be awkward for both him and the kid's bio dad to both be in the picture and that it would confuse the kid.

[Anonymous]

All of you saying it is not your kid blah blah blah.

How do you feel about step kids? Do you really feel that a person cannot love a child who is not biologically related to them? What about adopted kids?

This is a terrible screwed up situation but OP has loved this child for almost 3 years. If you have kids can you really imagine walking away from your child? What if the hospital showed up at your door and told you your child was switched at birth and the kid you have been raising isn't your child. Would it be so easy to walk away?

Whether he stays in the life of the child or not OP will always be thinking about the child.

OP whatever you decide you should get some therapy. It is going to be tough.

[Anonymous]

WIll teach you to keep your penis covered.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just wanted to say that I'm sick to my stomach for you over this. What a terrible place you are in through no fault of your own. And, that poor child...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you saying it is not your kid blah blah blah.

How do you feel about step kids? Do you really feel that a person cannot love a child who is not biologically related to them? What about adopted kids?

This is a terrible screwed up situation but OP has loved this child for almost 3 years. If you have kids can you really imagine walking away from your child? What if the hospital showed up at your door and told you your child was switched at birth and the kid you have been raising isn't your child. Would it be so easy to walk away?

Whether he stays in the life of the child or not OP will always be thinking about the child.

OP whatever you decide you should get some therapy. It is going to be tough. [/quote
Of course you can love a kid who isn't biologically related to you, but loving a kid and assuming the role of a parent are completely different. You want OP to continue behaving like a parent with all the responsibilities of a parent while he will have zero rights that a parent does.

[Anonymous]

she cheated 3 years ago, now she cheated again!!!!

RUN FORREST RUN!!!!

You have your answer. Child wont even remember you. So fade out.

[Anonymous]

and if you dont dip out now, you will have to or want to later when the real dad takes over. its easier now.

[Anonymous]

I'd be so grateful to have a free pass to cut off all contact with this woman. No good has come from you being with her and none can come in the future. The child is not yours and won't remember you. The child has a bio-dad by your own account is a great guy and involved with the kid. You'll be a third wheel in this relationship and any future relationships this woman has (I'm assuming she'll fuck up the relationship she has with the kid's father). Speaking of relationships, what do you plan on telling the next woman you're interested in having a relationship? Personally, I wouldn't get involved with someone like you. The situation would be too complicated and rather than seeing you as a 'stand up' guy, I'd see you as someone who lacks judgment. No way I'd want to have to deal with that crazy woman and your pseudo-son.

[Anonymous]

You need some counseling for your self esteem. You are considering staying with a woman who has cheated on you repeatedly, to care for a child that is not your own, because you have this one thing -- a small child -- that shows you affection. You'd be staying in this for you, not for him, because you are needy. Go for counseling and otherwise get out, move on and count your blessings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't even know where to post this...

Found out today that my son is not mine. Very long story short...

I dated a woman for about a year and things were very rocky, I was going to end it and then found out she was pregnant so we stayed together for another two years to try and raise our son together. Broke up with her after I found out she cheated on me and there was a possibility that my son was not mine biologically. Just found out today that he is biologically not my son. I love him with all my heart but I don't know what to do. The mother wants to get back together and work things out, but I'm so torn. Should I stay in my son's life? He is 2.5 years old now and if I leave his life now, he probably won't remember me and will be able to live his life drama free with his biological dad. The biological dad BTW is a great guy besides sleeping with my ex and wants to be in my son's life.

A couple of questions:

1) You mention the possibility of reconciliation with the mother. Is that what you really want, or would you be doing it in order to be close to the child? Do you really trust her?

2) Even though you may not be the biological father, you are probably the father of record on his birth certificate. This may give you some legal rights to still see the child and have visitation regardless of the DNA results. I'd check with a lawyer to see what your options are.

[Anonymous]

Demand a paternity test. There is still a chance that the child is yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need some counseling for your self esteem. You are considering staying with a woman who has cheated on you repeatedly, to care for a child that is not your own, because you have this one thing -- a small child -- that shows you affection. You'd be staying in this for you, not for him, because you are needy. Go for counseling and otherwise get out, move on and count your blessings.

This.

[Anonymous]

Don't stay with a person that is unfaithful. That is my advice, maybe you too were unfaithful so this isn't that big of a deal for you? As for the other advice, that I don't feel like I can possibly offer any, walk away or stay, both are equally difficult.