Other parent called my kid a slur--how should I respond?

[Anonymous]

Ask your DD if it's possible that he said "I didn't know you were Hispanic"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not give the actual word because it doesn't matter, and I was hoping you would just trust me that it was offensive and not "oh, he was just being folksy and cute." According to my child, she met the dad, who said "I didn't know you were a spic." I'm not asking for a debate about whether or not people who use that word are racists, I'm asking for advice about whether or not to approach a parent used a known offensive term to my child.

Yeah I would be PISSED if this were my kid. She wouldn't be going back there and I would let the mom know exactly why next time I saw her in person.

Agree. No more playdates with them and I would absolutely let them know why. What kind of disgusting, racist troglodyte throws a racist slur at anyone, much less a little kid?

[Anonymous]

"Spic" wouldn't be bleeped. Teach your daughter to reply, "...and Span"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not give the actual word because it doesn't matter, and I was hoping you would just trust me that it was offensive and not "oh, he was just being folksy and cute." According to my child, she met the dad, who said "I didn't know you were a spic." I'm not asking for a debate about whether or not people who use that word are racists, I'm asking for advice about whether or not to approach a parent used a known offensive term to my child.

Wow. I would be pissed too. I would also definitely talk to the parents in this situation. "Oh, I didn't know you were a spic" makes it seem like if he had known, she wouldn't have been invited over.

[Anonymous]

gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not give the actual word because it doesn't matter, and I was hoping you would just trust me that it was offensive and not "oh, he was just being folksy and cute." According to my child, she met the dad, who said "I didn't know you were a spic." I'm not asking for a debate about whether or not people who use that word are racists, I'm asking for advice about whether or not to approach a parent used a known offensive term to my child.

I would end all playdates. The mother will know why, even if she doesn't know exactly why. She knows her husband is a racist asshat, and she'll assume you also found out in some way.

I wouldn't confront them unless called out. There's no point trying to educate someone who is so hateful. I can imagine him half drunk, slurring, wiping his sweaty brow with the rolled up sleeves of his white button down shirt with ring around the collar. I can think of no circumstance that I'd ever want my kiddo in his presence again. So, not worth confronting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not give the actual word because it doesn't matter, and I was hoping you would just trust me that it was offensive and not "oh, he was just being folksy and cute." According to my child, she met the dad, who said "I didn't know you were a spic." I'm not asking for a debate about whether or not people who use that word are racists, I'm asking for advice about whether or not to approach a parent used a known offensive term to my child.

Hmmm, I find it a bit unbelievable that a 5 yr old would recall this as a detail to repeat. She likely met the dad for a few seconds and then went off to play. My kid is also Hispanic. If someone had said that to her at 5, it would have meant nothing to her and she wouldn't have cared. She would have zero context for the term and would assume it applied to all kids not just her specifically.

[Anonymous]

Yeesh, that's definitely troubling.

Is the parent an educated professional who knowingly used the term and is just an a hole? Or is it possible the parent uses slang indiscriminately and was just making a big ignorant faux pas in the way that another poster hinted at with "Gee, isn't it cool that Larla has a friend who is a spic!"

If the former, ABORT friendship.

If the later, I'd just wait until I see the friendly mom and say "Hey, I think maybe my daughter heard the word "spic" at your house, which we hear sometimes, but it isn't really nice and we never want her called that, so we'd prefer if people don't say it around her. Cool?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeesh, that's definitely troubling.

Is the parent an educated professional who knowingly used the term and is just an a hole? Or is it possible the parent uses slang indiscriminately and was just making a big ignorant faux pas in the way that another poster hinted at with "Gee, isn't it cool that Larla has a friend who is a spic!"

If the former, ABORT friendship.

If the later, I'd just wait until I see the friendly mom and say "Hey, I think maybe my daughter heard the word "spic" at your house, which we hear sometimes, but it isn't really nice and we never want her called that, so we'd prefer if people don't say it around her. Cool?"

^^ PP here. Also, highly likely the parent said "hispanic" and your kid heard it wrong. Especially if "hispanic" isn't a super familiar word, the slur is simpler and easier to remember?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's 'highly likely' that she heard Hispanic. Presumably, being a Hispanic child, she has heard the word 'Hispanic' and can tell the difference between that and 'spic'.

I wouldn't give the benefit of the doubt - in no universe does that guy not know that 'spic' is offensive. I'd allow the friend to come to my house and that's it. If the mom asked, I'd flat out tell her. I don't think it's worth a confrontation unless she brings it up.

[Anonymous]

I would phase out the friendship. No drama, no explaining it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not give the actual word because it doesn't matter, and I was hoping you would just trust me that it was offensive and not "oh, he was just being folksy and cute." According to my child, she met the dad, who said "I didn't know you were a spic." I'm not asking for a debate about whether or not people who use that word are racists, I'm asking for advice about whether or not to approach a parent used a known offensive term to my child.

I would not even bring it up and put that family in the "no way, never, don't even speak to me or my child" category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeesh, that's definitely troubling.

Is the parent an educated professional who knowingly used the term and is just an a hole? Or is it possible the parent uses slang indiscriminately and was just making a big ignorant faux pas in the way that another poster hinted at with "Gee, isn't it cool that Larla has a friend who is a spic!"

If the former, ABORT friendship.

If the later, I'd just wait until I see the friendly mom and say "Hey, I think maybe my daughter heard the word "spic" at your house, which we hear sometimes, but it isn't really nice and we never want her called that, so we'd prefer if people don't say it around her. Cool?"

^^ PP here. Also, highly likely the parent said "hispanic" and your kid heard it wrong. Especially if "hispanic" isn't a super familiar word, the slur is simpler and easier to remember?

Highly likely? Man, some people will contort themselves into a pretzel to avoid seeing racism.

[Anonymous]

Even if he DID say Hispanic....wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's 'highly likely' that she heard Hispanic. Presumably, being a Hispanic child, she has heard the word 'Hispanic' and can tell the difference between that and 'spic'.

I wouldn't give the benefit of the doubt - in no universe does that guy not know that 'spic' is offensive. I'd allow the friend to come to my house and that's it. If the mom asked, I'd flat out tell her. I don't think it's worth a confrontation unless she brings it up.

+1. For anyone to suggest otherwise is ridiculous.

I wouldn't let that child over to my house though. She's being raised by that man.