Play dates and non reciprocal trust!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but why would you ruin this friendship because she does not drop her daughter off? How incredibly rude and selfish of you

I know! If the girls get along, what is the problem? Why does this have anything to do with you at all? You sound like a narcissist.

You could really hurt that other little girl's feelings if you "gently steer" your daughter away from her. Why would you do this?

I will never understand mothers like you. Never ever ever.

This is OP, I never said I would STOP the friendship. The little girl is darling. They will continue to be school friends. I said I would gently steer her toward another child (Mom can I have a play date with little girl A? She is unavailable hun, how about I ask little girl B?) Geez, you make it sound like I was going to bad mouth a child.

You are completely missing the point, because it is all about you. This should be about your child and her friendship, but you keep making it about you and your need to be in control of the social life of your children's friend circle (up to and including their parents).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but why would you ruin this friendship because she does not drop her daughter off? How incredibly rude and selfish of you

I know! If the girls get along, what is the problem? Why does this have anything to do with you at all? You sound like a narcissist.

You could really hurt that other little girl's feelings if you "gently steer" your daughter away from her. Why would you do this?

I will never understand mothers like you. Never ever ever.

This is OP, I never said I would STOP the friendship. The little girl is darling. They will continue to be school friends. I said I would gently steer her toward another child (Mom can I have a play date with little girl A? She is unavailable hun, how about I ask little girl B?) Geez, you make it sound like I was going to bad mouth a child.

But she's not unavailable! Why would you do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to think I know this couple.

LOL. That would be funny.

(Are you the mom of the other daughter? That would be even funnier! Next up: a thread called "Why won't this other mother get my point?")

Because you won't use your words. I get you OP, I was in a similar situation and though it was strange. I just didn't try so many times because it was not worth it. I just told my son there would be no play dates with the other child because his parents didn't like play dates.

There are two of you!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to think I know this couple.

LOL. That would be funny.

(Are you the mom of the other daughter? That would be even funnier! Next up: a thread called "Why won't this other mother get my point?")

Because you won't use your words. I get you OP, I was in a similar situation and though it was strange. I just didn't try so many times because it was not worth it. I just told my son there would be no play dates with the other child because his parents didn't like play dates.

There are two of you!?

I want them to meet so they can engage in battle over who gets to host playdate.

NO MY HOUSE.
YOU HOSTED LAST TIME YOU KNOW I LIKE HAVING PEOPLE OVER.
MY HUSBAND INSISTS.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you and you husband need more to do and other things to occupy your minds. Who cares what their reason is? If the kids have fun playing at their place, and you have no reason to believe there is any safety issue etc, let it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but why would you ruin this friendship because she does not drop her daughter off? How incredibly rude and selfish of you

I know! If the girls get along, what is the problem? Why does this have anything to do with you at all? You sound like a narcissist.

You could really hurt that other little girl's feelings if you "gently steer" your daughter away from her. Why would you do this?

I will never understand mothers like you. Never ever ever.

This is OP, I never said I would STOP the friendship. The little girl is darling. They will continue to be school friends. I said I would gently steer her toward another child (Mom can I have a play date with little girl A? She is unavailable hun, how about I ask little girl B?) Geez, you make it sound like I was going to bad mouth a child.

But she's not unavailable! Why would you do that?

Because she is unavailable for a play date at our house. When my daughter asks for a play date she means inviting someone over, not calling someone and inviting herself over. At this point it is obvious her parents do not want their DD to come over. That is the truth, why should I say otherwise?

[Anonymous]

OP, sometimes it's hard not to take things personally, but why sweat it? If your child is happy at the other child's house, and you feel comfortable with her being there, who cares?

[Anonymous]

We had that happen and I asked the other mom, casually and in a friendly manner, whether there was anything I could do to make her daughter feel more comfortable coming over. Turns out her girl is kind of shy, and strongly prefers hosting rather than being a guest.

I'd been feeling badly about "not reciprocating" but it turns out that the current arrangement was working for everyone.

[Anonymous]

You sound nuts. Obviously the other mom picks up on this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what might have happened in this woman's life to make her like this. Maybe she was sexually abused by a family member of friend of the family and finds it difficult to let go of supervision of her daughter in another person's house. I really don't get your problem. You're mad that she will invite your daughter, but won't drop off hers? So just tell your daughter when she has playdates with this girl, they're at her hours. Your child isn't going to care.

You should probably question why you are this freaking invested in playdates.

Seriously OP, this is playdates not cancer treatment.
"I know your family has been super busy, when your schedule frees up we would love to have Larla come for a playdate, since it will be her first time at our place feel free to stay or come before hand to check us out I'm all for mommies being careful.'
I have done exactly this -- I do not expect new people to know that we are safe.
SMH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had another family do something horrible to ours, so needless to say, I am not very trusting of anyone. There are very few people I will trust my child with after what happened. It sucks. Am I sharing it with you? No... its a private matter. If your child is safe and well cared for, then either respect their wishes and continue the friendship or don't.

Other issue: different people have different parenting standards. Some don't supervise the kids well (i.e. free range). We are not free range... so that is another big issue for me. Other issues: not everyone will feed your child and do other basic care taking. Once I did agree and my child went 4 hours without food. The parents didn't feed either child and it surprised me.

Did your child die from not eating for 4 hours?
Has your child not ever gone that long without food, does she have a medical condition.
If not, you sound mental.

[Anonymous]

My daughter had severe anxiety at that age and would not play at someone else's house. I was always totally up front with other parents about that though- otherwise it does feel one sided and the dynamic is off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to think I know this couple.

LOL. That would be funny.

(Are you the mom of the other daughter? That would be even funnier! Next up: a thread called "Why won't this other mother get my point?")

Because you won't use your words. I get you OP, I was in a similar situation and though it was strange. I just didn't try so many times because it was not worth it. I just told my son there would be no play dates with the other child because his parents didn't like play dates.

There are two of you!?

I want them to meet so they can engage in battle over who gets to host playdate.

NO MY HOUSE.
YOU HOSTED LAST TIME YOU KNOW I LIKE HAVING PEOPLE OVER.
MY HUSBAND INSISTS.

lol.

PLAYDATE HOST THUNDERDOME

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had severe anxiety at that age and would not play at someone else's house. I was always totally up front with other parents about that though- otherwise it does feel one sided and the dynamic is off.

Hi, I have single DD and I don't allow her to go over to anyone's home. We do invite other kids over. Like this PP, I am clear about it. When asked I say we don't allow our child to go to someone else's home. It is cultural, period. Other parents understand and if they don't oh well. OP I think the problem here is that the parent was never clear. She didn't have to go into detail, all she had to do was say it. I don't pick up cues over texts either, I would have thought they were just a busy family. My best friend is always busy so I have to schedule her weeks ahead of time. But I know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had severe anxiety at that age and would not play at someone else's house. I was always totally up front with other parents about that though- otherwise it does feel one sided and the dynamic is off.

Hi, I have single DD and I don't allow her to go over to anyone's home. We do invite other kids over. Like this PP, I am clear about it. When asked I say we don't allow our child to go to someone else's home. It is cultural, period. Other parents understand and if they don't oh well. OP I think the problem here is that the parent was never clear. She didn't have to go into detail, all she had to do was say it. I don't pick up cues over texts either, I would have thought they were just a busy family. My best friend is always busy so I have to schedule her weeks ahead of time. But I know that.

This is OP, I think I am good reading social cues. The first play date at their house the mom and I talked and laughed a lot. It was fun, both parents were there and seemed great. In between all my text attempts to schedule a play date she has texted me a few times asking about class assignments and once asking how I felt about something the teacher was doing in the class. At school if she sees me she comes over and we chat and vice versa. It always feels friendly, that is why I didn't think anything of it until I tried to schedule face to face and saw her getting flustered and then I got it. I think it would have been different had she just said it from the beginning. It would have felt more honest and less strange. My kids are not allowed to sleep over until middle school, that is a rule in our household. My oldest started sleeping over his friend's homes this year. We just say it straight up when the invitations come for our two youngest. We let them stay late so they don't feel they miss out too much and then pick them up. We haven't had sleepovers yet, but will for our oldest's birthday for the first time. Like I said before, this is the first time I have encountered this situation. Thanks for all the responses (nice and not so nice ones!)