Play dates and non reciprocal trust!

[Anonymous]

OP its something to do with the other family its nothing to do with you and its not a reflection of their lack of trust in you. It could as someone said already, be about the child's anxiety in a new environment. Or it could be the parents are concerned she won't behave or there might be a problem of some kind if they are not there to manage her.

yes its annoying and yes its a bit rude not to let you in on it but I'd just go with it for now - or have playdates at a neutral place like a park (when the weather picks up).

[Anonymous]

Definitely don't take it personally. You have no idea what their reasons are.

One of my friend's daughters has a heart condition. She's on medication for it but she could seriously have a heart attack at any time so she is only supervised by people who are certified in CPR and been briefed on her condition. It's not something she'd get into with someone until they know each other better. She just hosts all playdates at her house or stays if the DD is somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

OP, the title of your post doesn't really match the content of your posts or followups. What really bothers you isn't the lack of trust; it's that they don't want to socialize at your house with you and DH. You've said it over and over. The trust issue seems secondary to your and your husband's annoyance that these people don't want to hang out with you or let you lead.

[Anonymous]

Until you get to know the parents better they might now want to discuss their reasons' for playdates at their house only. It could be something as simple as still wet her pants. We have a close friend of Ds who can only have a sleep over at his own house. After 10 requests for a sleep over at our place after DS had multiple sleep overs at theirs and the parents finally told us their son got to anxious sleep at someone elses house and they didn't want to have us have to bring him home at 2 am. So now we do all but the sleep over - dinner, movie, pj's and the kid goes home. You just don't know.

[Anonymous]

+1 to PP. People have given you a lot of reasons why. Still wets pants, is shy, cultural considerations, concern about older males in the home, food allergies, etc. Just because the mom isn't giving you a detailed explanation doesn't mean she doesn't have a valid reason. Let it go, and don't break up your daughter's friendship because you're miffed. That would be cruel to both children.

[Anonymous]

Ill be the one to point out that it could be because the other mom thinks OP's older sons look creepy, she's heard bad things about the husband, thinks OP serves junk food she won't let her daughter eat, or was alarmed that OP's bathrooms looked dirty.

All of which are offensive and judgey and no, I would not go along with that or be comfortable in a friendship where the mom was disapproving of my family or our choices.

I get all of these "nice" relies, which are certainly possible, but it's equally possible this other mom is snooty and judgey and OP shouldn't feel bad able being uncomfortable that her home is not good enough for this woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ill be the one to point out that it could be because the other mom thinks OP's older sons look creepy, she's heard bad things about the husband, thinks OP serves junk food she won't let her daughter eat, or was alarmed that OP's bathrooms looked dirty.

All of which are offensive and judgey and no, I would not go along with that or be comfortable in a friendship where the mom was disapproving of my family or our choices.

I get all of these "nice" relies, which are certainly possible, but it's equally possible this other mom is snooty and judgey and OP shouldn't feel bad able being uncomfortable that her home is not good enough for this woman.

Well that's a difference between trying to see the best in people or seeing the worst. I would assume she has a very good reason that has nothing to do with me or my bathrooms. If you prefer a more self-centered approach, that's your world view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1 to PP. People have given you a lot of reasons why. Still wets pants, is shy, cultural considerations, concern about older males in the home, food allergies, etc. Just because the mom isn't giving you a detailed explanation doesn't mean she doesn't have a valid reason. Let it go, and don't break up your daughter's friendship because you're miffed. That would be cruel to both children.

The mom is not giving her any explanation at all, just making up excuses. There is a middle ground there.

[Anonymous]

Why does it bother you so much? It shouldn't.

You offered to reciprocate. The mom isn't interested. Be happy she is the kind of mom who is happy to always host. Those moms are rare!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had another family do something horrible to ours, so needless to say, I am not very trusting of anyone. There are very few people I will trust my child with after what happened. It sucks. Am I sharing it with you? No... its a private matter. If your child is safe and well cared for, then either respect their wishes and continue the friendship or don't.

Other issue: different people have different parenting standards. Some don't supervise the kids well (i.e. free range). We are not free range... so that is another big issue for me. Other issues: not everyone will feed your child and do other basic care taking. Once I did agree and my child went 4 hours without food. The parents didn't feed either child and it surprised me.

Did your child die from not eating for 4 hours?
Has your child not ever gone that long without food, does she have a medical condition.
If not, you sound mental.

You are mental to think its ok not to feed a kid even a snack. If you cannot supervise and be decent you have no business hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ill be the one to point out that it could be because the other mom thinks OP's older sons look creepy, she's heard bad things about the husband, thinks OP serves junk food she won't let her daughter eat, or was alarmed that OP's bathrooms looked dirty.

All of which are offensive and judgey and no, I would not go along with that or be comfortable in a friendship where the mom was disapproving of my family or our choices.

I get all of these "nice" relies, which are certainly possible, but it's equally possible this other mom is snooty and judgey and OP shouldn't feel bad able being uncomfortable that her home is not good enough for this woman.

This seems to have a hit a nerve with you, PP. Did this happen to you in the past, and that's why you sound kind of intense about it? I think you might projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ill be the one to point out that it could be because the other mom thinks OP's older sons look creepy, she's heard bad things about the husband, thinks OP serves junk food she won't let her daughter eat, or was alarmed that OP's bathrooms looked dirty.

All of which are offensive and judgey and no, I would not go along with that or be comfortable in a friendship where the mom was disapproving of my family or our choices.

I get all of these "nice" relies, which are certainly possible, but it's equally possible this other mom is snooty and judgey and OP shouldn't feel bad able being uncomfortable that her home is not good enough for this woman.

This seems to have a hit a nerve with you, PP. Did this happen to you in the past, and that's why you sound kind of intense about it? I think you might projecting.

?
Not at all. Just offering a different point of view and empathizing with OP and her discomfort at the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, way to make it all about you. Not every mother and not every child is just like you or yours.

Whatever this is supposed to mean . . . you're an idiot.

[Anonymous]

All of which are offensive and judgey and no, I would not go along with that or be comfortable in a friendship where the mom was disapproving of my family or our choices.

I get all of these "nice" relies, which are certainly possible, but it's equally possible this other mom is snooty and judgey and OP shouldn't feel bad able being uncomfortable that her home is not good enough for this woman.

OMG, who cares if they are disapproving of your family or your choices if the kids have fun together? My best friend growing up had a mom that was super into macrobiotic diets, eastern religion etc. It was clear that she was disapproving of our family's junk food-eating, tv watching, catholic ways. But it didn't matter, I had a great time playing with my best friend, who was one of the bridesmaids in my wedding, and remained a close friend until she moved overseas as a adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

All of which are offensive and judgey and no, I would not go along with that or be comfortable in a friendship where the mom was disapproving of my family or our choices.

I get all of these "nice" relies, which are certainly possible, but it's equally possible this other mom is snooty and judgey and OP shouldn't feel bad able being uncomfortable that her home is not good enough for this woman.

OMG, who cares if they are disapproving of your family or your choices if the kids have fun together? My best friend growing up had a mom that was super into macrobiotic diets, eastern religion etc. It was clear that she was disapproving of our family's junk food-eating, tv watching, catholic ways. But it didn't matter, I had a great time playing with my best friend, who was one of the bridesmaids in my wedding, and remained a close friend until she moved overseas as a adult.

Isn't the general rule in life that nobody is thinking about you as often as you think? I bet this is almost totally unrelated to OP and is something related to that family.