Play dates and non reciprocal trust!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but why would you ruin this friendship because she does not drop her daughter off? How incredibly rude and selfish of you

I know! If the girls get along, what is the problem? Why does this have anything to do with you at all? You sound like a narcissist.

You could really hurt that other little girl's feelings if you "gently steer" your daughter away from her. Why would you do this?

I will never understand mothers like you. Never ever ever.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't stop the friendship, but I see why op is a little upset. My dd's friend (2nd grade) invited her over for a sleepover but won't let her dd over to our house. My anxious dd is not ready for a sleepover, but it kind of hurts that she feels like my dd is in no danger at her house, but hers could be at my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but why would you ruin this friendship because she does not drop her daughter off? How incredibly rude and selfish of you

I know! If the girls get along, what is the problem? Why does this have anything to do with you at all? You sound like a narcissist.

You could really hurt that other little girl's feelings if you "gently steer" your daughter away from her. Why would you do this?

I will never understand mothers like you. Never ever ever.

Yeah Maybe the other mom sees red flags with you and your husband (i know I do)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but why would you ruin this friendship because she does not drop her daughter off? How incredibly rude and selfish of you

I know! If the girls get along, what is the problem? Why does this have anything to do with you at all? You sound like a narcissist.

You could really hurt that other little girl's feelings if you "gently steer" your daughter away from her. Why would you do this?

I will never understand mothers like you. Never ever ever.

Yeah Maybe the other mom sees red flags with you and your husband (i know I do)

The husbands level of involvement in this suggests he might be one of those über controlling dudes and those signals come through loud and clear. I can't imagine my husband ever caring this much about anything to do with play dates.

[Anonymous]

As strange as it is to me that a grown woman would be in this much of a tizzy over this, it is even stranger that her husband (allegedly) feels the same way and wants to break up the friendship between a couple of little girls. Something is off.

[Anonymous]

I'm starting to think I know this couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but why would you ruin this friendship because she does not drop her daughter off? How incredibly rude and selfish of you

I know! If the girls get along, what is the problem? Why does this have anything to do with you at all? You sound like a narcissist.

You could really hurt that other little girl's feelings if you "gently steer" your daughter away from her. Why would you do this?

I will never understand mothers like you. Never ever ever.

Yeah Maybe the other mom sees red flags with you and your husband (i know I do)

Yes, maybe the other family likes your daughter, but not you. There are certainly some kids like that in my daughter's class. But I still let her be friendly with the children, for heaven's sakes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are so controlling and self-centered that you'll manipulate your daughter's friendships in service of your own social needs and wants? Wow. This girl's mom doesn't want to hang out your house and be wined and dined by you, so you're going to make your DD dump her? You sound obsessed with being the queen bee and having everyone revolve around you.

Does she? This could probably have been avoided if the other woman stated her preferences straight away instead of making up excuses and declining dozens of invitations. If I was OP that would be my real issue with it.

This woman does not owe it to OP or anyone to disclose anything. perhaps it's very emotional and personal and she doesn't want to blab it to school parents. Maybe is involves something about the DD herself she doesn't think others should know. Op and the husband are strange for caring this much and considering dropping the friendship over it.

Then all she needs to say is she doesn't do play dates at other houses but she's happy to host. Done. Not accepting that answer would make OP wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As strange as it is to me that a grown woman would be in this much of a tizzy over this, it is even stranger that her husband (allegedly) feels the same way and wants to break up the friendship between a couple of little girls. Something is off.

Yes, why would the husband care? This is the type of thing where my DH would say to me, "Who cares?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to think I know this couple.

LOL. That would be funny.

(Are you the mom of the other daughter? That would be even funnier! Next up: a thread called "Why won't this other mother get my point?")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't stop the friendship, but I see why op is a little upset. My dd's friend (2nd grade) invited her over for a sleepover but won't let her dd over to our house. My anxious dd is not ready for a sleepover, but it kind of hurts that she feels like my dd is in no danger at her house, but hers could be at my house.

Why would it hurt your feelings unless yours is the only house her DD can't go to?

Why don't you understand that there is a difference between my house where I KNOW nothing will happen vs your house, where I can be 85% sure that nothing will happen?

Btw, I'm not in this situation because I am fine with sleepovers, I am just trying to point out that hurt feelings are silly because these decisions have nothing to do with you, but everything to do with another person's risk tolerance. It's not about you!

[Anonymous]

OP, the next time she invites your daughter over, I would say something about how much the girls enjoy playing together and you are glad to see their friendship bloom, but that you feel like you are taking advantage of their hospitality and is there anything you could do to reciprocate. Obviously, don't fish for details, she may want not want to share, but it will give her the chance to say, no, we love having Larla over, we're very happy to have her. You could offer to send a special snack or something the girls like to play with.

[Anonymous]

There is another family I am not comfortable with having my daughter go over to their house. Their kids are wild and the mom was telling me about the time recently when her kindergartener, 2nd grader, and 5th grader had climbed out on the roof (!) and she and her husband could not them. Things just seem a little too loosey-goosey over there for my tastes. I do not need 7DD climbing out on someone's roof (!) while at a playdate just b/c she does not yet have the judgment not go along with a plan like this, when her friend and friends' siblings are urging her it's fine and it'll be a scream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but why would you ruin this friendship because she does not drop her daughter off? How incredibly rude and selfish of you

I know! If the girls get along, what is the problem? Why does this have anything to do with you at all? You sound like a narcissist.

You could really hurt that other little girl's feelings if you "gently steer" your daughter away from her. Why would you do this?

I will never understand mothers like you. Never ever ever.

This is OP, I never said I would STOP the friendship. The little girl is darling. They will continue to be school friends. I said I would gently steer her toward another child (Mom can I have a play date with little girl A? She is unavailable hun, how about I ask little girl B?) Geez, you make it sound like I was going to bad mouth a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to think I know this couple.

LOL. That would be funny.

(Are you the mom of the other daughter? That would be even funnier! Next up: a thread called "Why won't this other mother get my point?")

Because you won't use your words. I get you OP, I was in a similar situation and though it was strange. I just didn't try so many times because it was not worth it. I just told my son there would be no play dates with the other child because his parents didn't like play dates.