Reply to My ex is back 22 years later, claiming I was "the one"

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Reply to "My ex is back 22 years later, claiming I was "the one" - I'm not, at all."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

Thank you for all of your responses. I really needed some help wording my response because he did really flip out the last time [b]I "rejected" him.[/b] In the last threeish weeks that this has been going on [b]I have responded 5 times. [/b]At first he contacted me fairly innocently. [b]So I responded[/b] in kind. It went downhill quickly. I would wake up to dozens of messages from him. Recently my well meaning (idiot) cousin gave him my number. So now I have a lot of voicemails from him.

As I said, I wanted to be kind. It is obvious he is going through a "thing" right now. At first I told him I was happily married and not interested in changing that, I also told him I was happy to hear from him and hoped he was doing well (I know, my bad, didn't think it would escalate like this). Now I absolutely want this to stop but I don't want his "thing" to turn into crazy, you know?

As for my husband he has read and heard everything and he laughs it off, says "Its because you are too hot" (he is just being sweet) and teases me about my "boyfriend". I have not let him know that I am seriously beginning to get creeped out because honestly I don't want to worry/bug my DH about something so lame.

Because honestly ... its 22 years later, I am a grown woman with kids and a button down suburban life. My ex while not a "famous" ball player had a really solid career, I checked out his social media looks like he has plenty of friends and good times. He lives on the opposite coast, he still has his looks, he should seriously not be pining for me. I feel stupid even posting about this, but as I said, I really was at a loss for what to say to him to end this situation. I have no intention of outing him or embarrassing him, I just want to stop. It is sad and pathetic bordering on creepy, he needs to get a grip.

[b]I am going to use a form of what 15:03 advised "Ex, I have told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you. Your messages are disrespectful - to me, to my marriage, to my husband, to my children. Do not contact me again. Sarah[/b]" and then ignore anything further. If he keeps it up I will block what I can. I will also keep a record of what he has said, just in case.

Thanks again. I appreciate all the help.[/quote]

Bolded all the red flags,  overall your mistake has been responding in any way shape or form.  In his mind that just shows you are interested enough to give the time to formulate a response.  Usually if somebody has no interest it's a no and that's it.  5 responses is just crazy, and I can see how this escalated with the new info provided .  If you respond in the format you linked, it's not going to solve anything. you have already told him you are not interested, he does not need to hear it phrased in a different way.  Do yourself a favor and learn from your most recent 5 mistakes (responses) and say nothing.  He already knows how you feel, and ignoring him is the best way to convey your lack of interest. Unless you really do enjoy his infatuation with you I which case I guess you can respond to him?[/quote]

Hmmm well, I wasn't going to be rude when someone from my past contacts me and says hi and asks how things are going. If that was a mistake, then okay, but I don't really think this is on me. I also don't think sending a message to him for this to stop and not to contact me again means I am enjoying his "infatuation". But thank you for the advice, I will consider it. [/quote]

I Doubt that I am the only one that finds 5 responses going beyond the desire to not be rude. That's what the first response is for lol.  Add to that you now want to formulate a 6'th response and it's a little bewildering. I guess everyone learns at their own pace, but I hope you manage to cut out this creep from your life for good. I think he is a nut job, but I also think you helped to perpetuate w/e is going on in his head by responding again after the first rejection.  Not trying to be mean, it's just the only logical explanation I can come up with based on the information provided. [/quote]

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