I wish women would demand more in a relationship before getting intimate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

What's offensive is that she isn't asking that people were less promiscuous overall, it's that she's wishing women were less promiscuous overall, without holding men to any kind of similar standard. A woman could be a virgin until the day she got married but if the man she marries had 15 partners before, he could just as easily bring those STDs into the marriage and she's in the same position anyway from a health standpoint. And given how many men here say they won't move forward in a relationship with a woman who won't have sex, her pickings would be pretty slim when it came to marriage anyway. So basically women need to thread that fine line between being easy for the right guy, but not making too many mistakes in identifying the right guy to have her number be too high, and if any of those guys, even the first, gives her an STD, she's branded as a slut.

Charming.

You are confusing slut-shaming with stupid-shaming. If you want to have sex with a bunch of guys really quickly, great, good for you. If you want to have sex with a bunch of guys and expect a committed relationship to magically happen, or that you won't get a bunch of nasty diseases, that's stupid. And if a man doesn't want to wait to have sex, he's not worth your time. I wouldn't consider the men "here" the cream of the crop.

And personally, I think men who sleep around are stupid, too. No double-standard here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30, and I completely agree.

Many women want marriage but have been conditioned to be the "cool girl" and not to talk about it in a relationship. So they bumble along, giving the guy everything he wants and just hoping he'll eventually bring up marriage.

I don't like her radio show, too screechy, but Dr. Laura's advice in 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives is very good. Her books are excellent, even if they aren't what people want to hear.

I'm a liberal atheist, by the way. It has absolutely nothing to do with conservative values or thinking sex before marriage is bad for me. It's all about how much I see women not getting what they want or not even being honest with themselves about what they want until they've wasted a lot of prime years.

A woman needs to get what she wants. Nothing less. Every woman is a queen, and should be treated as one. If she wants to have sex--she should be able to do so. If she wants to marry she should do so. Unprotected sex is stupid and carries risks--man or woman being involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

Be offended all you want. Promiscuity cheapens sex, like it's a cup of coffee, instead of this great connection between two people.

+1. I know this is going to be offensive, but for men, sex is a bigger part of the relationship than for women. I've had men I know tell me, flat out, that they do not bother with long term relationships because they can get sex basically whenever they want anyway. I know that is such a cliche, but it does harm younger women, who have a biological clock, and most women do not just want to have sex for a couple months and move on to the next guy.

This is the problem with women giving it away to easy. I hear the same from a lot of men. What's the point in getting married if they can get what they want without it.

Because sex isn't the relationship, it's a part of it. I think very few men get married simply to have a sex partner.

But sex is a very BIG PART of the relationship! And a lot of men wait around for a long time because they can find partners to keep good company with and have sex, and move on when they're bored. This is not something I came up with, this is what men tell me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hey, I like easy women...

Then you should be in Hog Heaven, because clearly, there are a lot of them around.

But question: If you ever grow up and have a daughter of your own, would you feel the same way about her?

Guys can't help it if women make themselves easy. It's not guys fault is it?

No, it's not. But you are responsible for your own actions. That includes taking advantage of people who may be too misguided to know what is best for themselves. Also, since when is promiscuous, uncommitted sex a good thing for men? In the long term, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

Be offended all you want. Promiscuity cheapens sex, like it's a cup of coffee, instead of this great connection between two people.

Newsflash: Sometimes -- OFTEN -- sex is just fucking. It's fun. It's not sacred, it doesn't have to be a "great connection between two people." Sometimes people just want to bang. This is true for both women and men. Your antiquated notion suggests to me you've been sheltered in either religion or romance novels, and perhaps both.

I disagree. A lot of people desperately want to believe what you are saying, but even science does not bear it out. Sex IS fun, but for many people, they develop an emotional connection with that physical connection. Even studies showing releases of hormones in the brain during sex suggest this.

This doesn't make your opinion 1) valid; or 2) truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And overall, I wish people were less promiscuous.

I look at a 26 year old who I have known since childhood. College graduate, so so job.

So far this woman has lived with two men, had at least 15 partners since the age of 15. Two STDs one requiring surgery. Around the time of the surgery, not one "Boyfriend" around. Even if they were around, they could do nothing for her since none of them have a thing to offer her. She is becoming more and more cynical at such a young age.
She told me that she wanted marriage, but in her world, that is almost a dirty word. She believed that if she uttered words like that to the men she dated, they would have run away. I suggested that she feel less ashamed of the M word and to treat herself well.

I am in healthcare and I see the burden of complications of sexual activity placed squarely on women. The worst thing is that many of these women have little to show for it.

I sometimes think that if more women held back and made greater demands from their partners things would change. I wish more women would be honest with themselves about what they really want.

Just a ramble, but don't want to see my dd who is just 10 in the same mess.

You worry about you.

Your post is patently offensive. This notion that they should have something to show for having sex is sexist, misogynistic, and disgusting. Shame on you.

And you worry about YOU. You clearly misread (or, more likely, projected your own distorted thoughts) onto OP's post. This friend WANTS marriage and stability.

Sometimes what people really want and what they convey are patently different. My guess is that when this person truly feels the need to settle down, it will happen.

As for the STD she got that needed surgery - sounds like HPV. It's almost unavoidable if you are dating, and there's no screening test for men. So you can be completely careful and still get it.

Correction. It is almost unavoidable if you are having sex with multiple partners, outside of a committed relationship. In other words, behaving in a promiscuous manner. That has nothing to do with "dating."

My aunt was wild in the 80s - partied at Studio 54, had a lot of boyfriends, lot of fun, etc.

She settled down with a man she put through law school, who was gay and was cheating on her. This was during the height of the AIDS epidemic, and she was scared shitless.

After the divorce, she met and married my uncle who is an amazing man who turned out to be a sex addict. He was cheating on her over 20 years, and she was faithful. He gave her herpes.

So please.. shut the hell up.

I'm sorry, but I fail to see what your one little story about your fun-loving aunt has to do with facts about general human nature.

[Anonymous]

don't want to see my dd who is just 10 in the same mess

Why would she be in the same mess? Emotionally healthy, sexually active women do not turn out like this.

Stop making it about "sex". Then your daughter is more likely to be well adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Why do I need a relationship to have sex? Maybe I enjoy sex and have not found a guy I want to settle down with? I'm not going to fuck my own fingers each night.

I don't always need to use sex as a currency in exchange for a relationship. Sometimes, I just want to enjoy great sex. Often a great sexual partner makes a terrible life partner. I don't confuse the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

Be offended all you want. Promiscuity cheapens sex, like it's a cup of coffee, instead of this great connection between two people.

+1. I know this is going to be offensive, but for men, sex is a bigger part of the relationship than for women. I've had men I know tell me, flat out, that they do not bother with long term relationships because they can get sex basically whenever they want anyway. I know that is such a cliche, but it does harm younger women, who have a biological clock, and most women do not just want to have sex for a couple months and move on to the next guy.

This is the problem with women giving it away to easy. I hear the same from a lot of men. What's the point in getting married if they can get what they want without it.

Because sex isn't the relationship, it's a part of it. I think very few men get married simply to have a sex partner.

But sex is a very BIG PART of the relationship! And a lot of men wait around for a long time because they can find partners to keep good company with and have sex, and move on when they're bored. This is not something I came up with, this is what men tell me!

Well my personal experience with men is that they are emotional creatures as well who desire stability and intimacy. I've done my fair share of breaking things off. I think your anecdotal evidence is antiquated.

I'm getting married in September to a man I've been living with and having sex with since pratically our first date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do I need a relationship to have sex? Maybe I enjoy sex and have not found a guy I want to settle down with? I'm not going to fuck my own fingers each night.

I don't always need to use sex as a currency in exchange for a relationship. Sometimes, I just want to enjoy great sex. Often a great sexual partner makes a terrible life partner. I don't confuse the two.

This is not about you. This is about OP's friend, who is clearly having problems with this attitude and promiscuous lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do I need a relationship to have sex? Maybe I enjoy sex and have not found a guy I want to settle down with? I'm not going to fuck my own fingers each night.

I don't always need to use sex as a currency in exchange for a relationship. Sometimes, I just want to enjoy great sex. Often a great sexual partner makes a terrible life partner. I don't confuse the two.

This is not about you. This is about OP's friend, who is clearly having problems with this attitude and promiscuous lifestyle.

But OP made it about all women and what she wishes they would stop doing. Not just her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

Be offended all you want. Promiscuity cheapens sex, like it's a cup of coffee, instead of this great connection between two people.

Newsflash: Sometimes -- OFTEN -- sex is just fucking. It's fun. It's not sacred, it doesn't have to be a "great connection between two people." Sometimes people just want to bang. This is true for both women and men. Your antiquated notion suggests to me you've been sheltered in either religion or romance novels, and perhaps both.

I disagree. A lot of people desperately want to believe what you are saying, but even science does not bear it out. Sex IS fun, but for many people, they develop an emotional connection with that physical connection. Even studies showing releases of hormones in the brain during sex suggest this.

This doesn't make your opinion 1) valid; or 2) truth.

What do you mean by this? Why wouldn't my opinion be valid? What makes any opinion true? An opinion is just that, an opinion, and it is valid and true to the people who agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

don't want to see my dd who is just 10 in the same mess

Why would she be in the same mess? Emotionally healthy, sexually active women do not turn out like this.

Stop making it about "sex". Then your daughter is more likely to be well adjusted.

+100
This! It's not about sex, it's not about promiscuity, it's about emotional health. And you will find emotionally healthy women on both ends of the promiscuity spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wishing that this particular woman in your story behaved differently is one thing, since you know she isn't getting what she wants, but why in the world do you wish people were less promiscuous overall? That is what sounds offensive.

Be offended all you want. Promiscuity cheapens sex, like it's a cup of coffee, instead of this great connection between two people.

+1. I know this is going to be offensive, but for men, sex is a bigger part of the relationship than for women. I've had men I know tell me, flat out, that they do not bother with long term relationships because they can get sex basically whenever they want anyway. I know that is such a cliche, but it does harm younger women, who have a biological clock, and most women do not just want to have sex for a couple months and move on to the next guy.

This is the problem with women giving it away to easy. I hear the same from a lot of men. What's the point in getting married if they can get what they want without it.

Because sex isn't the relationship, it's a part of it. I think very few men get married simply to have a sex partner.

But sex is a very BIG PART of the relationship! And a lot of men wait around for a long time because they can find partners to keep good company with and have sex, and move on when they're bored. This is not something I came up with, this is what men tell me!

Well my personal experience with men is that they are emotional creatures as well who desire stability and intimacy. I've done my fair share of breaking things off. I think your anecdotal evidence is antiquated.

I'm getting married in September to a man I've been living with and having sex with since pratically our first date

And good luck to you. But sorry, my evidence is not "antiquated." What does that even mean? I'm only 30, and the dating/hookup culture I've observed since college is quite frankly, gross. It's gross for women and for men, but men mind less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is that this 26 year old wants something for her life, but feels she has to hide it. THAT is not okay. If she enjoys having sex, then great. But if she's sleeping with guys because she thinks it's going to get them to like her and eventually marry her, that's a problem. If she feels she can't share her hopes and dreams with someone because it will scare them away, that's a problem.

Bottom line: it sounds like this young woman (and perhaps many others) don't feel good enough about themselves to ask for AND wait for what they want. If you want respect or love or intimacy, then that means walking away from someone who doesn't give it.

This.