I've done so much more than he has in life

[Anonymous]

So you are better than him because you went to grad school and traveled? Good luck with that attitude.

[Anonymous]

OP,do you even care about: is he a good person? interested in exploring new things? intelligent? can carry a conversation? warm?

You found like the kind of woman who has a checklist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile, I've been to grad school, travelled, have had relationships basically just done LOTS of stuff.

WOW! HOLY SHIT! Grad school, travel and relationships are things NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER experienced! How can anyone ever live up to the amazing trail you've blazed for yourself? You are certainly a snowflake, a unique creature on earth. You are inherently special.

[Anonymous]

The only real difficulty I can see here is that if he hasn't traveled and you've traveled a lot, he is going to want to see some places that you've already seen.

I have that problem with my group of friends. I haven't gotten to travel as much as I'd like, but I do have a couple of places I really want to go. Most of my friends make more money than I do and they're child-free, so they have been to those places several times. It will be hard finding someone to go with me when I go!

(first world problem.)

[Anonymous]

OP here- I love the way everyone has just run with this. At the risk of being judged even more... actually, who am I kidding- Given the CERTAINTY of being judge even more, I'll correct a few things and add a few details:

I have also been married and have 3 children that I am now raising on my own, so I too have "brought life into this world" and "focussed on my marriage"

I have a PhD in economics.

It's the way he describes his life- rather than the way I perceive it- as having been very limited by his marriage.

He has lived his whole life in one small city and I have lived in many places. He was afraid to drive in DC when he came to visit recently.

I don't think I'm better than he is. He's smart, funny, cool, competent. We are compatable on many levels. Totally on the same level mentally.

I'm just worried that I will always "have done" stuff that is new to him.

And finally, I was looking for been there, done that advice rather than judgement (wrong venue, I know!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I love the way everyone has just run with this. At the risk of being judged even more... actually, who am I kidding- Given the CERTAINTY of being judge even more, I'll correct a few things and add a few details:

I have also been married and have 3 children that I am now raising on my own, so I too have "brought life into this world" and "focussed on my marriage"

I have a PhD in economics.

It's the way he describes his life- rather than the way I perceive it- as having been very limited by his marriage.

He has lived his whole life in one small city and I have lived in many places. He was afraid to drive in DC when he came to visit recently.

I don't think I'm better than he is. He's smart, funny, cool, competent. We are compatable on many levels. Totally on the same level mentally.

I'm just worried that I will always "have done" stuff that is new to him.

And finally, I was looking for been there, done that advice rather than judgement (wrong venue, I know!)

Sorry OP. You're still coming across as if your see yourself as superior to him. Not sure what you're looking for from this forum. If he's not accomplished enough for you in these areas just leave him be. Not sure I see your conundrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I love the way everyone has just run with this. At the risk of being judged even more... actually, who am I kidding- Given the CERTAINTY of being judge even more, I'll correct a few things and add a few details:

I have also been married and have 3 children that I am now raising on my own, so I too have "brought life into this world" and "focussed on my marriage"

I have a PhD in economics.

It's the way he describes his life- rather than the way I perceive it- as having been very limited by his marriage.

He has lived his whole life in one small city and I have lived in many places. He was afraid to drive in DC when he came to visit recently.

I don't think I'm better than he is. He's smart, funny, cool, competent. We are compatable on many levels. Totally on the same level mentally.

I'm just worried that I will always "have done" stuff that is new to him.

And finally, I was looking for been there, done that advice rather than judgement (wrong venue, I know!)

Maybe he was a much more involved parent than you were during your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I love the way everyone has just run with this. At the risk of being judged even more... actually, who am I kidding- Given the CERTAINTY of being judge even more, I'll correct a few things and add a few details:

I have also been married and have 3 children that I am now raising on my own, so I too have "brought life into this world" and "focussed on my marriage"

I have a PhD in economics.

It's the way he describes his life- rather than the way I perceive it- as having been very limited by his marriage.

He has lived his whole life in one small city and I have lived in many places. He was afraid to drive in DC when he came to visit recently.

I don't think I'm better than he is. He's smart, funny, cool, competent. We are compatable on many levels. Totally on the same level mentally.

I'm just worried that I will always "have done" stuff that is new to him.

And finally, I was looking for been there, done that advice rather than judgement (wrong venue, I know!)

You have a Ph.D in economics, yet you don't know that compatible is spelled with an "i," not a second a, and you are unfamiliar with spell check? So WHAT if you get to "re-do" certain things when he does them the first time? Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I love the way everyone has just run with this. At the risk of being judged even more... actually, who am I kidding- Given the CERTAINTY of being judge even more, I'll correct a few things and add a few details:

I have also been married and have 3 children that I am now raising on my own, so I too have "brought life into this world" and "focussed on my marriage"

I have a PhD in economics.

It's the way he describes his life- rather than the way I perceive it- as having been very limited by his marriage.

He has lived his whole life in one small city and I have lived in many places. He was afraid to drive in DC when he came to visit recently.

I don't think I'm better than he is. He's smart, funny, cool, competent. We are compatable on many levels. Totally on the same level mentally.

I'm just worried that I will always "have done" stuff that is new to him.

And finally, I was looking for been there, done that advice rather than judgement (wrong venue, I know!)

Oh OP- not to be a jerk but how could you ever expect to find some kind of reasoned, compassionate advice here? You have to understand, in your original post you postulated a concern that you might have accomplished more than the guy you are seeing. This triggered two alarms for DCUM: one, the "person on Internet thinks she's better than someone else, and thus, me" alarm that does NOT go over well in the hyper competitive, insane world of DCUM. Two; the "woman online thinks she's better than her man alarm" which always triggers an avalanche of misogynistic mockery and venom.

Moral of the story? Don't listen to a bunch of people sitting online trying to make someone else feel like shit. Their actions should speak loud enough as to the quality of the lives they lead (which is to say, fairly low)....

[Anonymous]

Ok, I do know one couple just like you describe. She is just way more "worldly" than him. They have made it work and are probably about the best couple that I know. He loves being exposed to new things and she enjoys sharing experiences with him. He is unapologetic for being exactly who he is. She does not think she is better than him. She simply was raised differently. They adore each other. Both their lives are better for being with one another. So, yes, with the right people this type of thing can work wonderfully.

If, however, you want him to change who he is fundamentally -- you may need to look for another guy.

[Anonymous]

You have a Ph.D in economics, yet you don't know that compatible is spelled with an "i," not a second a, and you are unfamiliar with spell check?

I know! I'm a horrible speller! Is there spell check on DCUM forum? Don't worry! I did use it on my dissertation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I do know one couple just like you describe. She is just way more "worldly" than him. They have made it work and are probably about the best couple that I know. He loves being exposed to new things and she enjoys sharing experiences with him. He is unapologetic for being exactly who he is. She does not think she is better than him. She simply was raised differently. They adore each other. Both their lives are better for being with one another. So, yes, with the right people this type of thing can work wonderfully.

If, however, you want him to change who he is fundamentally -- you may need to look for another guy.

Nope. Don't want him to change. He's awesome as-is. I'm glad to hear a success story!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I love the way everyone has just run with this. At the risk of being judged even more... actually, who am I kidding- Given the CERTAINTY of being judge even more, I'll correct a few things and add a few details:

I have also been married and have 3 children that I am now raising on my own, so I too have "brought life into this world" and "focussed on my marriage"

I have a PhD in economics.

It's the way he describes his life- rather than the way I perceive it- as having been very limited by his marriage.

He has lived his whole life in one small city and I have lived in many places. He was afraid to drive in DC when he came to visit recently.

I don't think I'm better than he is. He's smart, funny, cool, competent. We are compatable on many levels. Totally on the same level mentally.

I'm just worried that I will always "have done" stuff that is new to him.

And finally, I was looking for been there, done that advice rather than judgement (wrong venue, I know!)

Maybe he was a much more involved parent than you were during your marriage?

Good theory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I love the way everyone has just run with this. At the risk of being judged even more... actually, who am I kidding- Given the CERTAINTY of being judge even more, I'll correct a few things and add a few details:

I have also been married and have 3 children that I am now raising on my own, so I too have "brought life into this world" and "focussed on my marriage"

I have a PhD in economics.

It's the way he describes his life- rather than the way I perceive it- as having been very limited by his marriage.

He has lived his whole life in one small city and I have lived in many places. He was afraid to drive in DC when he came to visit recently.

I don't think I'm better than he is. He's smart, funny, cool, competent. We are compatable on many levels. Totally on the same level mentally.

I'm just worried that I will always "have done" stuff that is new to him.

And finally, I was looking for been there, done that advice rather than judgement (wrong venue, I know!)

The alternative is to find someone who has done exactly everything that you have? No diversity, no unique differences between you? I love that my husband and I are different people with many things in common, but with different interests as well. Who wants to marry themselves, except a narcissist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I love the way everyone has just run with this. At the risk of being judged even more... actually, who am I kidding- Given the CERTAINTY of being judge even more, I'll correct a few things and add a few details:

I have also been married and have 3 children that I am now raising on my own, so I too have "brought life into this world" and "focussed on my marriage"

I have a PhD in economics.

It's the way he describes his life- rather than the way I perceive it- as having been very limited by his marriage.

He has lived his whole life in one small city and I have lived in many places. He was afraid to drive in DC when he came to visit recently.

I don't think I'm better than he is. He's smart, funny, cool, competent. We are compatable on many levels. Totally on the same level mentally.

I'm just worried that I will always "have done" stuff that is new to him.

And finally, I was looking for been there, done that advice rather than judgement (wrong venue, I know!)

Ok, fine. I'll answer. I married someone just like you describe. And I couldn't be happier. He is a good solid man, cares about me and our children, is dependable, funny, smart, fun to be with and kind. In terms of our different life experiences, I just made sure to travel a little with him (taking into consideration that he is risk averse) so we travelled through well travelled parts of Europe. He enjoyed it and I enjoyed opening up a new world to him. In addition, he taught me to calm the F%#^#^ down and that no one in life really cares about your PhD etc. He just has had no reason to stretch his wings more but it maybe because he is a person that is grateful and content with his life. I would start introduce him to whatever you think is new to him that you would want him to be a part of with you. If he is receptive than his lack of whatever you want to call it, worldliness, sense of adventure etc, is a big non issue. What matters is how he treats you and how you feel when you are with him. I'd rather my husband 1000 over an investment banker that has travelled the world as much or more than me but is a complete jerk.