I want to be the fun laid back wife. Please tell me how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't exist OP.
Go read "Gone Girl."

Well yes, a psychopath is not capable of being laid-back. Many normal people can be. Even women!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg pp, a hotel, really? Is this 1955?

perhaps that's why they have a happy marriage, which if you read enough DCUM you will realize is an incredible gift in life. What do you care ? I suspect if more DW took a grateful approach ( my hormones made me baby crazy and this man goes to work everyday so that I can stay home vs. Bitching that he doesn't do enough after coming home from work there would be a whole lot more happy marriages. But I have found that not enough people have gratitude.)

Why should I have gratitude? I work more hours at the office, make more money, do 90% of the household work and 75% of the childcare. AND his sex drive is lower than mine. Remind me what's in it for me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get the book---Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Thanks Dr.Laura. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Threw up a lot.

[Anonymous]

How to be fun and laid back?

Hire a housekeeper.
Make enough money so that you can spend it without having to worry.
Be married to someone who is a true partner and is as invested in making you happy as you are in making him happy.
Love your kids for who they are.
Allow yourself to stress out about the big stuff, but not the small stuff.
Eat well and sleep.

I hate the "make your home like a hotel" post. You are NOT your husband's hostess. What a horrible stereotyped model to set up for your children, boys and girls. Your husband should be happy to come home even if you lived in a hovel because it's the hovel you make together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

+1000

Maybe a lot of you men should stop being lazy shits? No? Okay.

Funny, we weren't lazy when you married us or you ignored it and now you want to complain about. The problem comes in when you start trying to control everything. You become a mother. Men want a wife not some control freak.

I'll act like a wife when you stop acting like aboy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

+1000

Maybe a lot of you men should stop being lazy shits? No? Okay.

that only happens when you women stop being bitches and shrews. no? okay. then here we are.

Bullshit. I wasn't a bitch when we got married, bu 15 years of telling you to do things like clean up after yourself, and you assuming that every time the children need to be fed it's my responsibility has made me a bit shrewish. Being laid back had no effect at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard something on the radio once, years ago when my kids were infant/toddler: Always make your DH *want* to come home.

So I thought about this, and really, why would he want to come him to me handing him a honey-do list and basically getting the second shift? Heck, he could stay at work where he doesn't get any backtalk and people do what he says without complaint, and look up to him.

I decided then and there; no more honey-do list. I do it myself, or I hire a handyman to do what I can't. Even when it's something he wants to do for himself (like, connect the new TV to the speakers etc, which of course, ends up getting all screwed up). He *says* he wants to do it himself, but you know, when he comes home and it's all done and ready to go, he does not sit around complaining about how he didn't get to assemble it.

I don't b***h about the mess he makes. I buy his favorite beer. I always kiss him goodbye in the morning, and in the evening I stop what I'm doing and go kiss him hello. (that is important; it's very primal, all social animals greet each other)

I just try and make it a nice experience for him to come home. I want him to think of it as a hotel.

At first it's hard because it feels a little unfair. But I just suck it up, and you let go of resentment when you see that your plan is working.

It's been about 8 years since implementing this plan, and he has said that coming home is like coming to an oasis. Our marriage is really strong--stronger than before implementing the plan. We have a lot of fun together!

I SAH, so obviously this plan would have to be tweaked for a dual-income couple. But the goal is the same: Figure out how to make your DH want to come home.

Gross. Maybe it's because have essentially made yourself your husband's pet, but some of us work at least as hard as our husbands and don't have to worry about kissing their asses so they "want to come home" and toss some cash our way. My DH contributes to our family because it's "our" family, not his or mine. I don't have to act like a maid and a prostitute to make that happen.

If something like the OP mentioned happens, I would set up the monitor myself (I'm better at home improvement than DH anyway) or if I weren't able to get it working, I would send it back and get one I liked after telling him we need a working monitor and giving him a weekend to sort it out.

Adult men don't need to pretend they are living in a hotel -- they are living in a home with their family and should know it (and contribute). And adult women can do shit for themselves instead of harping on their husbands to do it or becoming little slave pets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Fun and laid-back"?

I was never that.

When I really want something done, I do it myself. We can't afford to hire people. If I mess up, and DH is peeved, then I tell him he had multiple opportunities and reminders to do it himself (I give him months, even years for the big jobs!), and it's ALL HIS FAULT.

This never leads to divorce.

Am I the only woman here who would rather be divorced than be taken advantage of for the rest of my life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

Let me guess, you have a SAHW with children who are in school full time and you feel like don't make enough money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

+1000

Maybe a lot of you men should stop being lazy shits? No? Okay.

Funny, we weren't lazy when you married us or you ignored it and now you want to complain about. The problem comes in when you start trying to control everything. You become a mother. Men want a wife not some control freak.

Yes you were. It just mattered less. We assumed you, like us, would step up once kids and a real household came into play.

[Anonymous]

Soooooooooo many of you shouldn't be in a relationship with another human being and certainly not married.

"Why do this when he doesn't do that? I'll treat him like ______ when he starts doing ______...". You're miserable people. Get over yourself. Throw yourself into your marriage at 100% even when you feel like you're not getting the same back. Lead by example. If you don't like your spouse or want more out of life, get a divorce and just be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

+1000

Maybe a lot of you men should stop being lazy shits? No? Okay.

Funny, we weren't lazy when you married us or you ignored it and now you want to complain about. The problem comes in when you start trying to control everything. You become a mother. Men want a wife not some control freak.

Yes you were. It just mattered less. We assumed you, like us, would step up once kids and a real household came into play.

This is idiotic. You assumed someone could be changed? That they would suddenly throw away their own experiences and ways of dealing with the world?

So many people have a hard time accepting a very difficult concept: You married the wrong person. You married someone who isn't right for you and now it is annoying to you that they won't become the partner you expected. It is a terrible situation but it isn't impossible. You either accept the person you chose or you decide to get out of it with dignity and next time...marry someone who is up to your standards and expectations. If not, stay single...forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

+1000

Maybe a lot of you men should stop being lazy shits? No? Okay.

Funny, we weren't lazy when you married us or you ignored it and now you want to complain about. The problem comes in when you start trying to control everything. You become a mother. Men want a wife not some control freak.

Yes you were. It just mattered less. We assumed you, like us, would step up once kids and a real household came into play.

This is idiotic. You assumed someone could be changed? That they would suddenly throw away their own experiences and ways of dealing with the world?

So many people have a hard time accepting a very difficult concept: You married the wrong person. You married someone who isn't right for you and now it is annoying to you that they won't become the partner you expected. It is a terrible situation but it isn't impossible. You either accept the person you chose or you decide to get out of it with dignity and next time...marry someone who is up to your standards and expectations. If not, stay single...forever.

You sound like my husband. I wasn't aware that laziness was a such a fundamental and deeply cherished character trait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

+1000

Maybe a lot of you men should stop being lazy shits? No? Okay.

Funny, we weren't lazy when you married us or you ignored it and now you want to complain about. The problem comes in when you start trying to control everything. You become a mother. Men want a wife not some control freak.

Yes you were. It just mattered less. We assumed you, like us, would step up once kids and a real household came into play.

This is idiotic. You assumed someone could be changed? That they would suddenly throw away their own experiences and ways of dealing with the world?

So many people have a hard time accepting a very difficult concept: You married the wrong person. You married someone who isn't right for you and now it is annoying to you that they won't become the partner you expected. It is a terrible situation but it isn't impossible. You either accept the person you chose or you decide to get out of it with dignity and next time...marry someone who is up to your standards and expectations. If not, stay single...forever.

You sound like my husband. I wasn't aware that laziness was a such a fundamental and deeply cherished character trait.

This is why I married a foreign guy. He DID step up when we had kids. Got a better job, makes more money (me too -- I'm leaning in at work and home) and he is unfailingly tidy and gives the kids tons of attention at home, while doing about half of the parenting and chores. Plus he keeps himself in good shape, unlike American guys.

American guys all have this Peter Pan complex where they need to be treated like little boys for their whole lives and get petulant and whiny if they don't get to be spoiled, slovenly messes, and it's somehow all women's fault. Not worth it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

+1000

Maybe a lot of you men should stop being lazy shits? No? Okay.

Funny, we weren't lazy when you married us or you ignored it and now you want to complain about. The problem comes in when you start trying to control everything. You become a mother. Men want a wife not some control freak.

Yes you were. It just mattered less. We assumed you, like us, would step up once kids and a real household came into play.

This is idiotic. You assumed someone could be changed? That they would suddenly throw away their own experiences and ways of dealing with the world?

So many people have a hard time accepting a very difficult concept: You married the wrong person. You married someone who isn't right for you and now it is annoying to you that they won't become the partner you expected. It is a terrible situation but it isn't impossible. You either accept the person you chose or you decide to get out of it with dignity and next time...marry someone who is up to your standards and expectations. If not, stay single...forever.

You sound like my husband. I wasn't aware that laziness was a such a fundamental and deeply cherished character trait.

Apparently it is for the person YOU chose to marry.

I'm not your husband and I know this because I have a happy marriage