I want to be the fun laid back wife. Please tell me how.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I tend to take care of the things that we each think are most important. We are lucky that that covers most of the family responsibilities but there are a few things that each of us puts off. Usually, when dh is putting off something that falls under his responsibility (but I also want it to happen), I'll wait a long time hoping he'll get it done but eventually I will try to do it myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

+1000

[Anonymous]

"Fun and laid-back"?

I was never that.

When I really want something done, I do it myself. We can't afford to hire people. If I mess up, and DH is peeved, then I tell him he had multiple opportunities and reminders to do it himself (I give him months, even years for the big jobs!), and it's ALL HIS FAULT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

+1000

Maybe a lot of you men should stop being lazy shits? No? Okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

+1000

Maybe a lot of you men should stop being lazy shits? No? Okay.

Funny, we weren't lazy when you married us or you ignored it and now you want to complain about. The problem comes in when you start trying to control everything. You become a mother. Men want a wife not some control freak.

[Anonymous]

Weed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

+1000

Maybe a lot of you men should stop being lazy shits? No? Okay.

that only happens when you women stop being bitches and shrews. no? okay. then here we are.

[Anonymous]

If your this wrapped up over a video monitor...your not the fun laid back wife.

1. Do it yourself.

2. Did you fail?

3. Laugh and tell husband.

4. Try together.

5. Now you are fun wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your this wrapped up over a video monitor...your not the fun laid back wife.

1. Do it yourself.

2. Did you fail?

3. Laugh and tell husband.

4. Try together.

5. Now you are fun wife.

Spend Memorial Day weekend bitching about it on DCUM while your husband is watching the kids, grilling burgers for the neighborhood block party and walking down to the parade with a 50 lb kid on his shoulders.

[Anonymous]

Amen. First rule of laid back moms, dont read DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg pp, a hotel, really? Is this 1955?

Early Mad Men fan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Fun and laid-back"?

I was never that.

When I really want something done, I do it myself. We can't afford to hire people. If I mess up, and DH is peeved, then I tell him he had multiple opportunities and reminders to do it himself (I give him months, even years for the big jobs!), and it's ALL HIS FAULT.

This never leads to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't know, he brings the money, you are waiting at the hotel to make him happy... It seems like you are a working girl after all.

Yep. Being an old school housewife is a full time job.

OP: Order a monitor on amazon and be done with this waiting around. Prioritize what you need to get done. If there is something that is truly important to you that only your husband can do, tell him how important it is to you, and ask him if he can do it. Marriage means doing things for each other -- he should be able to do something for you and you for him. If you don't see this dynamic (helping each other, cooperating to achieve common goals) in your marriage, seek counseling. Complaining gets you nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me that part of being laid back (and being fully adult) is taking full responsibility for your own priorities. If the webcam is your priority, it's your priority. Prioritize it. Meaning, your job. Not his. Nagging him and getting angry rather than picking up the phone and calling a handyman? I truly don't get this choice. You choose your stress level Op.

NP here. Nothing to do with family or house is his priority. That's why I'm miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard something on the radio once, years ago when my kids were infant/toddler: Always make your DH *want* to come home.

So I thought about this, and really, why would he want to come him to me handing him a honey-do list and basically getting the second shift? Heck, he could stay at work where he doesn't get any backtalk and people do what he says without complaint, and look up to him.

I decided then and there; no more honey-do list. I do it myself, or I hire a handyman to do what I can't. Even when it's something he wants to do for himself (like, connect the new TV to the speakers etc, which of course, ends up getting all screwed up). He *says* he wants to do it himself, but you know, when he comes home and it's all done and ready to go, he does not sit around complaining about how he didn't get to assemble it.

I don't b***h about the mess he makes. I buy his favorite beer. I always kiss him goodbye in the morning, and in the evening I stop what I'm doing and go kiss him hello. (that is important; it's very primal, all social animals greet each other)

I just try and make it a nice experience for him to come home. I want him to think of it as a hotel.

At first it's hard because it feels a little unfair. But I just suck it up, and you let go of resentment when you see that your plan is working.

It's been about 8 years since implementing this plan, and he has said that coming home is like coming to an oasis. Our marriage is really strong--stronger than before implementing the plan. We have a lot of fun together!

I SAH, so obviously this plan would have to be tweaked for a dual-income couple. But the goal is the same: Figure out how to make your DH want to come home.

You're nuts. I'm way more marketable than he is. He should make *me* want to come home, not dread the weekends.