I want to be the fun laid back wife. Please tell me how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. With a DH like this you actually can't be the fun laid back wife, because he is not being the responsible, helpful partner you would need for that. So you have to pick your battles. Web cam - I would say very seriously "if you don't do it by the end of the day today I am buying a monitor." Other less important things (like messes within reason) you just ignore. Make sure you are taking care of yourself and getting somewhat equal leisure time. This may mean you have to lower your standards about things like cleanliness and cooking. And don't expect DH to step up and give you the afternoon off - just make plans and tell him you are leaving.

That is the way it works in my house, anyway!

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard something on the radio once, years ago when my kids were infant/toddler: Always make your DH *want* to come home.

So I thought about this, and really, why would he want to come him to me handing him a honey-do list and basically getting the second shift? Heck, he could stay at work where he doesn't get any backtalk and people do what he says without complaint, and look up to him.

I decided then and there; no more honey-do list. I do it myself, or I hire a handyman to do what I can't. Even when it's something he wants to do for himself (like, connect the new TV to the speakers etc, which of course, ends up getting all screwed up). He *says* he wants to do it himself, but you know, when he comes home and it's all done and ready to go, he does not sit around complaining about how he didn't get to assemble it.

I don't b***h about the mess he makes. I buy his favorite beer. I always kiss him goodbye in the morning, and in the evening I stop what I'm doing and go kiss him hello. (that is important; it's very primal, all social animals greet each other)

I just try and make it a nice experience for him to come home. I want him to think of it as a hotel.

At first it's hard because it feels a little unfair. But I just suck it up, and you let go of resentment when you see that your plan is working.

It's been about 8 years since implementing this plan, and he has said that coming home is like coming to an oasis. Our marriage is really strong--stronger than before implementing the plan. We have a lot of fun together!

I SAH, so obviously this plan would have to be tweaked for a dual-income couple. But the goal is the same: Figure out how to make your DH want to come home.

I hate to say this, but I think you've been replaced with a robot wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard something on the radio once, years ago when my kids were infant/toddler: Always make your DH *want* to come home.

So I thought about this, and really, why would he want to come him to me handing him a honey-do list and basically getting the second shift? Heck, he could stay at work where he doesn't get any backtalk and people do what he says without complaint, and look up to him.

I decided then and there; no more honey-do list. I do it myself, or I hire a handyman to do what I can't. Even when it's something he wants to do for himself (like, connect the new TV to the speakers etc, which of course, ends up getting all screwed up). He *says* he wants to do it himself, but you know, when he comes home and it's all done and ready to go, he does not sit around complaining about how he didn't get to assemble it.

I don't b***h about the mess he makes. I buy his favorite beer. I always kiss him goodbye in the morning, and in the evening I stop what I'm doing and go kiss him hello. (that is important; it's very primal, all social animals greet each other)

I just try and make it a nice experience for him to come home. I want him to think of it as a hotel.

At first it's hard because it feels a little unfair. But I just suck it up, and you let go of resentment when you see that your plan is working.

It's been about 8 years since implementing this plan, and he has said that coming home is like coming to an oasis. Our marriage is really strong--stronger than before implementing the plan. We have a lot of fun together!

I SAH, so obviously this plan would have to be tweaked for a dual-income couple. But the goal is the same: Figure out how to make your DH want to come home.

I hate to say this, but I think you've been replaced with a robot wife[/


How does making her home a place her hubby wants to be make her robot? Well, "I hate to say this," but you've been brainwashed with feminist garbage.

[Anonymous]

Get the book---Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard something on the radio once, years ago when my kids were infant/toddler: Always make your DH *want* to come home.

So I thought about this, and really, why would he want to come him to me handing him a honey-do list and basically getting the second shift? Heck, he could stay at work where he doesn't get any backtalk and people do what he says without complaint, and look up to him.

I decided then and there; no more honey-do list. I do it myself, or I hire a handyman to do what I can't. Even when it's something he wants to do for himself (like, connect the new TV to the speakers etc, which of course, ends up getting all screwed up). He *says* he wants to do it himself, but you know, when he comes home and it's all done and ready to go, he does not sit around complaining about how he didn't get to assemble it.

I don't b***h about the mess he makes. I buy his favorite beer. I always kiss him goodbye in the morning, and in the evening I stop what I'm doing and go kiss him hello. (that is important; it's very primal, all social animals greet each other)

I just try and make it a nice experience for him to come home. I want him to think of it as a hotel.

At first it's hard because it feels a little unfair. But I just suck it up, and you let go of resentment when you see that your plan is working.

It's been about 8 years since implementing this plan, and he has said that coming home is like coming to an oasis. Our marriage is really strong--stronger than before implementing the plan. We have a lot of fun together!

I SAH, so obviously this plan would have to be tweaked for a dual-income couple. But the goal is the same: Figure out how to make your DH want to come home.

I hate to say this, but I think you've been replaced with a robot wife

LOL PP here. Doesn't matter what it's called. Robot Wife=Happy Wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg pp, a hotel, really? Is this 1955?

perhaps that's why they have a happy marriage, which if you read enough DCUM you will realize is an incredible gift in life. What do you care ? I suspect if more DW took a grateful approach ( my hormones made me baby crazy and this man goes to work everyday so that I can stay home vs. Bitching that he doesn't do enough after coming home from work there would be a whole lot more happy marriages. But I have found that not enough people have gratitude.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get the book---Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Thanks Dr.Laura. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard something on the radio once, years ago when my kids were infant/toddler: Always make your DH *want* to come home.

So I thought about this, and really, why would he want to come him to me handing him a honey-do list and basically getting the second shift? Heck, he could stay at work where he doesn't get any backtalk and people do what he says without complaint, and look up to him.

I decided then and there; no more honey-do list. I do it myself, or I hire a handyman to do what I can't. Even when it's something he wants to do for himself (like, connect the new TV to the speakers etc, which of course, ends up getting all screwed up). He *says* he wants to do it himself, but you know, when he comes home and it's all done and ready to go, he does not sit around complaining about how he didn't get to assemble it.

I don't b***h about the mess he makes. I buy his favorite beer. I always kiss him goodbye in the morning, and in the evening I stop what I'm doing and go kiss him hello. (that is important; it's very primal, all social animals greet each other)

I just try and make it a nice experience for him to come home. I want him to think of it as a hotel.

At first it's hard because it feels a little unfair. But I just suck it up, and you let go of resentment when you see that your plan is working.

It's been about 8 years since implementing this plan, and he has said that coming home is like coming to an oasis. Our marriage is really strong--stronger than before implementing the plan. We have a lot of fun together!

I SAH, so obviously this plan would have to be tweaked for a dual-income couple. But the goal is the same: Figure out how to make your DH want to come home.

I hate to say this, but I think you've been replaced with a robot wife

LOL PP here. Doesn't matter what it's called. Robot Wife=Happy Wife.

I hope your DH makes half as much effort to make you happy. Or does he consider his paycheck sufficient?

I don't know, he brings the money, you are waiting at the hotel to make him happy... It seems like you are a working girl after all.

[Anonymous]

Most of the responses on this thread are so infuriating. People watching too much Mad Men, I guess.

Life will get better when many men stop acting like children and become full partners. Until then, we are screwed ladies. There are decent guys out there, but unfortunately they are not the norm.

Best answer I have for all of you...raise your sons to be the husbands you wish you had.

[Anonymous]

Submit and stfu

[Anonymous]

Maybe a lot of you women should start acting like ladies instead of spoiled brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get the book---Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Thanks Dr.Laura. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

You should see someone about that. You're probably miserable.

[Anonymous]

Don't rely on him to do things that you want done. Take responsibility for your own priorities and your own happiness. Don't dwell in the negative, and make fun a priority. Laugh. Then laugh some more. The investment in fun is much more important to your family than any list of crappy things that "need" to be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg pp, a hotel, really? Is this 1955?

perhaps that's why they have a happy marriage, which if you read enough DCUM you will realize is an incredible gift in life. What do you care ? I suspect if more DW took a grateful approach ( my hormones made me baby crazy and this man goes to work everyday so that I can stay home vs. Bitching that he doesn't do enough after coming home from work there would be a whole lot more happy marriages. But I have found that not enough people have gratitude.)

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard something on the radio once, years ago when my kids were infant/toddler: Always make your DH *want* to come home.

So I thought about this, and really, why would he want to come him to me handing him a honey-do list and basically getting the second shift? Heck, he could stay at work where he doesn't get any backtalk and people do what he says without complaint, and look up to him.

I decided then and there; no more honey-do list. I do it myself, or I hire a handyman to do what I can't. Even when it's something he wants to do for himself (like, connect the new TV to the speakers etc, which of course, ends up getting all screwed up). He *says* he wants to do it himself, but you know, when he comes home and it's all done and ready to go, he does not sit around complaining about how he didn't get to assemble it.

I don't b***h about the mess he makes. I buy his favorite beer. I always kiss him goodbye in the morning, and in the evening I stop what I'm doing and go kiss him hello. (that is important; it's very primal, all social animals greet each other)

I just try and make it a nice experience for him to come home. I want him to think of it as a hotel.

At first it's hard because it feels a little unfair. But I just suck it up, and you let go of resentment when you see that your plan is working.

It's been about 8 years since implementing this plan, and he has said that coming home is like coming to an oasis. Our marriage is really strong--stronger than before implementing the plan. We have a lot of fun together!

I SAH, so obviously this plan would have to be tweaked for a dual-income couple. But the goal is the same: Figure out how to make your DH want to come home.

I love you! I hope he dotes on you and appreciates all that you do and makes you feel like a queen bc you certainly must make him feel like a king. There is a 50th wedding anniversary in your future!