Need a new perspective on problem with in-laws (long, sorry)
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Anonymous
| They probably got overwhelmed during the week and started resenting you guys on their vacation. It's not fair or justified or reasonable, it just is. That escalated and now they're blaming you because they were frustrated. Just give them time, but stop apologizing. The more you do, the more entitled they feel to dwell on their hurt feelings. Be gracious but move on. You did a lot to prepare and make this as simple as possible, but it didn't work. Not your fault or theirs. It just didn't work. |
Anonymous
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There's a song stuck in my head called "Let it go."
OP, you're not going to do yourself or anyone any good by continuing to talk about this. Instead of pushing, just back off for awhile. Don't expect them to babysit, let a few weeks pass before you invite them over. Your FIL and his wife clearly had no idea what they were getting themselves into, despite your efforts to prepare them. That's kind of on them, but, at the same time, it's likely never anything they're going to admit. Who wants to hurt their pride by admitting that? I bet a lot of the anger is cover up for embarrassment--this week taught them just how old they are. You learned something importance about your ILs' limits. I don't think I'd ever ask them to be in charge of an overnight again at this point. And if they bring up the subject again, just smile and thank them for handling the situation. Be gracious. What does your DH say about any of it? |
Anonymous
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I wouldn't talk to them about it anymore. We left our kids with my inlaws when the kids were 2, 2, and 6. I know my ILs found it very, very challenging (despite having tons of kid experience, having watched my kids before), but they never went into detail about how it was hard. Details came out slowly from my then 6 year old. "Papa yelled at the twins." "Why?" "They were throwing all their stuffed animals at him and laughing at him even when he yelled at them." "The twins rubbed poop all over their toddler beds."
I think your in-laws are being unreasonable, and it makes me appreciate how nice mine are with the kids. |
Anonymous
| I think the fact that you noted you paid to have a cleaner clean their "entire house, not just the room the kids slept in" is telling. You really think over the course of a week three kids would only mess up the room they slept in? |
Anonymous
This was specific to having the carpets professionally cleaned bc the older kids were in sleeping bags on the floor so thats how the pee got on the floor. They only slept in one room. |
Anonymous
| They are clearly getting something out of holding a grudge, so let them. Move on. I would be concerned about how they treated my kids, honestly, and how my kids perceived the situation. That's a lot of shuttling around and, it sounds like, a fair amount of tension most of the week. How does your 6 year old describe his week with his grandparents (and grandpa's wife)? |
Anonymous
this..they sound crazy...just move on... |
Anonymous
who said they were elderly? these people get up and go to work everyday FIL knows what is like to have kids They should not have accepted...or at least...just say "way more work than we expected and remembered...won't be doing it again' |
Anonymous
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I agree that you probably shouldn't have expected them to watch your three kids for an entire week, especially when one is only 10 months. That is a BIG responsibility. You certainly made every effort to make it a smooth transition, but even the best laid plans fall apart when there are two kids and a baby involved.
You have apologized several time, so all you can really do is offer to have the whole house cleaned, and leave it at that. I think they will get over it in time. Consider it a lesson learned and NEVER ask them to babysit again. |
Anonymous
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Oh, OP, this just was not feasible. Way, way too long to leave a ten month old. Why on earth didn't you fly back when they called you? I am sorry, but I honestly think it was unfair and irresponsible. I really do.
I would apologize, again and again, and just leave it for a while. |
Anonymous
Oh, you are nuts! 3 grown-ass people cannot watch an infant with all of the accommodations that OP and her DH provided? It was harder than expected, then they should not agree to do it again, but no one forced them to do it and they were not asked to broker peace in the Middle East. Op -- you apologized, now you know how they are, let it go. |
Anonymous
Really? Fly back? |
Anonymous
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I think it was unfair of you to accept their offer. You should have known that it would be to much. I think you let your desire for a week vacation cloud your judgement and now you have burned your bridges. It was unfair to expect them to manage three children and unfair to leave 3 small children for that long of a period. It doesn't matter that you explained what might happen, it was still to much to ask and they may have felt obligated to do it so you wouldn't miss your "one in a lifetime trip".
In terms of damage control, you should acknowledge their feelings and apologize for everything that happened. Then let there be space until they are ready to want to come back around. When they are around have it be a visit, not for babysitting until they get over it. |
Anonymous
| I don't understand why people think they should have kids and still be able to live like they are singe. A week vacation???? |
Anonymous
| OP, accidents in the bed is a real no-no for someone who is an only child and never had kids. You have three very young kids and that is a handful. They are mad at you because they underestimated the amount of work. I am sure there were some glorious words exchanged! Give them some space. (You did not do anything wrong, but really, that is a lot for this couple) I, who have had kids and gone through this stage, would have just said no right away. Most people would. Sorry. |