To anyone who once had nothing and is now worth 7 or 8 figures:
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Anonymous
OP again- I share a bedroom with my child currently so I don't have a problem doing that. But in this area , to live in a safe neighborhood with decent schools is not cheap. Roommates is not an option either, because of my child, you just never know what type of crazy people you will end up with and I really do not want to put my child through that. The ex and I share custody and the advice I got is unless he agrees to it, there is no way a judge would let me move until i can prove it is in the best interests of my child, and financial reasons or a better job are not enough because they ahve a very high bar for it |
Anonymous
Thank you! |
Anonymous
You will be surprised. I already checked those and i do not qualify for any housing from the county. I don't make enough money but i make enough to be out of the threshold. Last time I checked the maximum income to qualify for a 2 people household was $68,800. I make $70,000  my luck! I actually considered bribing my employer to decrease my salary to $68,000 so I oculd qualify  I have not heard of daycares offering rates for single parents either. Where are those?  Yeh I can't wait for the child support to kick in, per the papers, it is supposed to be $1k/month so that will be a huge help when I start getting it.
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Anonymous
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bump.
This thread is fascinating. |
Anonymous
why ? |
Anonymous
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I think you need a better job. I work in finance and my first job paid over $100k. Most finance folks I know in NYC, SF, HK, etc. earn high as bankers, traders, private equity and hedge fund managers.
I don't have much sympathy for you. It sounds like you grew up rich and made some poor choices. |
Anonymous
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OP, YOU HAVE RICH PARENTS??? And you grew up with help? Oh shoot, why didn't you say so?
Stop with the slumming, suck up to the rich 'rents, and have them pay your way. I mean, you have a kid, that's a trump card with the grands. Why are you moaning and groaning on any anonymous forum? I thought you were really poor with no safety net. I know people like you--you actually aren't really poor. You just think you are because you grew up with so much. I bet your apartment's really nice, actually. Unless you are completely estranged, I bet your parents do help you out as well. And you should take it. It's New Years--why aren't you hanging out with and entertaining your rich parents??? You would get better ROI doing that than surfing the 'nets and posting on DCUM, I guarantee it. Sheesh. |
Anonymous
PP you responded to here. I'm not OP, but as middle income mom of 3 kids under 10, I have struggled to make financial sense of my life in the past few years. I came from a low income family and have had to learn how to save and cut spending. It is very difficult and quite a learned skill. I'm not where I want to be yet- but I can appreciate the tips many have given to OP. Great advice so far. I'm following this for tips as well. OP, no advice to give you but I wish you the best in 2014. |
Anonymous
Most of my jobs after graduation were in accounting, then in corp finance and recently banking. I am on the operations side of Commercial banking. I wish i could get that $100K . I am trying to put in as much as I can in my career for the next 3 years so I can get there. Any tips? |
Anonymous
Ah, insurance. I know people who made absolute gobs in insurance. Good for you, PP. Do you get lonely? I don't have any deep friends anymore...well, maybe one...mostly just arms-length acquaintances...one of my last good friends from the good ole days asked me point blank how much money I made, and that was the end of that...that was several years ago, and my social life hasn't been the same. The work hours and having kids don't help either with one's social life. |
Anonymous
Yes I could have an easy life living off of my parents  but i did not want to and that is why I left home in college so I can make it on my own. Yes my parents did help me, especially when I was going through a divorce and did not have a job, they sent me money for a year to help with the expenses and I am forever grateful, but I also understand that they paid for my education so I could be an independent person, not live off of them for life. i am struggling but i am not homeless, i will try to make it on my own for as long as i can before i go and beg money to my parents. They worked for everything they had and expect me to do the same. I always tell them I don't need help, they send money to my child sometimes but that's about it.
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Anonymous
PP, I am one of the posters who gave advice to OP. Don't be afraid to say NO! to your kids when they nag your for stuff. I mean, what are you going to say if you actually really can't afford it? NO! right? Don't feel guilty. Credit cards are very bad too. Very very bad. Credit cards, actually, like a lot of things today, only help the rich, I have decided. They pay it off every month, get the rewards, and never pay any interest. Credit card debt is evil. Horrible interest rates. Pay that garbage off!!! But also keep in mind, children are a wonderful investment unto themselves. You can have saved not a penny in retirement, but raise your kids right, and they will take good care of you until your dying days. That is my mother's situation. Single mom, disabled, no money, but her retirement's taken care of. I treat her good. 
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Anonymous
Oh, for pete's sakes, shelve the pride. I'm sure you are doing great anyways. You are making ends meet, and if you go through a rough patch, your parents help out. That's your lot in life, and there's nothing wrong with it. Subconsciously, you are probably "only" making $70,000 because you don't want the $250,000 job! I mean, the hours suck! Why would you put yourself through such pain if you don't have to? And you don't have to. People from nothing who became wealthy...well, they came from "nothing." That's sort of key, you know. Just take the damn money. And it's not your destiny to become independently wealthy, people from your background with your life choices rarely become wealthy. You can't sniff out sources for, and drains of, money, clearly. So just be comfortable and hope that your child will have the gene. You're like Mary Crawley of Downton, despite every aspiration, you are not going to be Countess of Grantham. It's going to skip you, okay? On the other hand, people with your kids' background often do hit it rich--history of wealth in the family, good education, but penny-pinching childhood. Try to light the fire in your kid's belly, because it's too late for you. |
Anonymous
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My answers would be the same as the other posters. I think the difference with your situation is that you are digging out of a financial hole and you have a child to consider which ups the ante for things like roommates, schools, and space.
Starting from where you are, the two options are cut expenses and make more money, preferably both. I think you are headed in the right direction with seeking child support and moving to a more economical apartment. I hate to be blunt though to say that you have to do more and it will really suck. You aren't spending extravagantly by any stretch but you aren't compromising either. The ship has sailed already but you could have lived in a studio or 1 bedroom when your child was younger much easier than you can now. You could have looked into another in home daycare rather than a center. Both those things there could have been the difference of $500/month and then when you needed to move up to more space you could do it when the childcare expense would lessen. So given where you are now, what can you do. The first is that you need to have a network. If you are truly on your own, you need to make sure you find time to join a single mom support group or move to an apartment/area with more of a community feeling ... something. Trust me I hate to depend on people for anything or ask for a favor but with kids you have to have that backup emergency contact should there be a crazy accident on the beltway etc. and like you I don't just trust my kids with someone I don't know. I joined a mom group years ago and it took time but a have a few good friends that I otherwise would not have. Also, does your ex have any visitation? I know financially he was a mess, but is there another reason why he isn't involved with raising his child? Besides building a relationship, this would give you a chance to maybe pickup extra income with a part-time job if there was a set schedule for visitation, give you a chance to build friendships with other moms, take a break, have someone to help with the pickup and different activities. As for more income the only way this would happen is either if you can figure out child care that would allow you to work part-time ( could be a swap with someone else, ex has visitation, you find if there is an online course that you could teach/be a part of in finance etc.) or you find a higher paying job. Make sure you are finding time for your professional networks also. If you went to school is this area, make sure you keep up with the alumni circle if you can. So far you may be asking what part of the plan sucks, well you have to do more and you have to depend on someone more (I.e. your ex or whomever helps with childcare) and you may be spending less time with your son or spending time with your son and other kids if you are in a babysitting co-OP/reciprocity situation. The other part is of course expenses. Your child may not be able to grow up with the same kids at the neighborhood school (this was always a particular dream of mine because my parents moved very five years), he may have a lack of space because you moved to a one bedroom apt (my mom grew up in a 2 bedroom apt with 4 kids in NY), he may start at a school that has mediocre test scores (I don't exaggerate when I tell you there were needles on the playground where I grew up partially prompting one of the moves). However, despite all of these things he can still succeed and go on to do well in life. If you are in Fairfax county, there are Gifted and talented centers and magnets that are open to you no matter what the school. You may need the time to work with your child with math and reading and either time/money to provide enrichment and will need to figure out how to get that done but that is one path. My grandmother never went to college but raised the 4 kids in a 2 bedroom and most of the kids got into magnet high schools. So anyway, living cost/school is the big area where you need to take a hard look before you move in April. I think the next two expense areas of food and phone were already addressed in previous posts. Really wishing you the best of luck and I know it's not easy. One of the things I admire my mom is that she is she is the type of person that can take rice and make 10 different meals out of it if she had to. I realize money can be fleeting and if you don't have the internal fortitude to make those uncomfortable compromises and ingenuity to make something from not much you can end up in a very bad place in this world. I want my kids to strive for better and not fall apart at the first setback. You will be teaching these things to your child by example. |
Anonymous
that was entertaining but not at all warranted. OP will be fine. |