Would you be upset with your husband over this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash people marriage is not only about sex. I have a truly great marriage, solid and healthy as a rock. But we have sex maybe 2-5 times a month. We are both fine with that, if either of us wanted it more we would say so. That said, there have been months where we haven't had sex or maybe only 1 or 2 times. It did not change the dynamic at all, we are each others best friend and this works for us. Any marriage that would fail due to lack of sex was never a strong one to begin with, and I believe that with every ounce of my being.

This x 1,000.

I used to think this was true but now I am starting to realize that some people just put a lot of importance on sex. Maybe they see it as a way to express love and romance, and without it, what's the point? Maybe they need it often to feel alive? I don't know because it's not that important to me personally but that doesn't mean that people who rate it differently than I do are wrong. It's great that you and your DH are on the same page about it. But for couples who aren't, yes, lack of sex can be a big, big issue, eventually leading to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash people marriage is not only about sex. I have a truly great marriage, solid and healthy as a rock. But we have sex maybe 2-5 times a month. We are both fine with that, if either of us wanted it more we would say so. That said, there have been months where we haven't had sex or maybe only 1 or 2 times. It did not change the dynamic at all, we are each others best friend and this works for us. Any marriage that would fail due to lack of sex was never a strong one to begin with, and I believe that with every ounce of my being.

This x 1,000.

This NOT x 1,000. We have a great marriage in every other way. But my husband's very low libido is heading us towards divorce. Sex is a big part of a relationship, and I won't sacrifice this part of my being to stay with him. You are in a relationship where your sex drive matches up, which is great for you guys. How can you know how it would feel to be in another kid, where someone wants nothing to do with you physically, but enjoys your company? It feels awful, and will likely end our marriage which is a tragedy. If you haven't been there, you can't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's sexist but unfortunately true in my (admittedly limited) experience. Think about how many couples you know URL and posts you see on here where the problem is that the male half wants more sex and the female half would rather go to bed with a good book

I'm not exempting myself btw. We have the same issue. In my case though I make it a rule to initiate 2x a week because he gets too grumpy otherwise. But seriously, it's amazing to me what a difference it makes in his mood and how he treats me. I don't know whether I should be happy or depressed about it. (At least I have this effect on him? But if we couldn't gave sex for a long time for some reason, would our marriage be over?)

I vote for happy. Your effort to initiate 2x a week improves your husband's mood because he feels attractive and loved. Please don't assume that if you couldn't have sex for a long time that your marriage would suffer--your husband could very well deal with a situation outside your control (medical issue, personal grief, stress at work, etc.) that prevented you from being able to have sex. We're simple creatures, but we're not monsters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people find a high libido brag worthy?
head thump...

Because it shows we're fun people? Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash people marriage is not only about sex. I have a truly great marriage, solid and healthy as a rock. But we have sex maybe 2-5 times a month. We are both fine with that, if either of us wanted it more we would say so. That said, there have been months where we haven't had sex or maybe only 1 or 2 times. It did not change the dynamic at all, we are each others best friend and this works for us. Any marriage that would fail due to lack of sex was never a strong one to begin with, and I believe that with every ounce of my being.

my thoughts exactly

people place way too much emphasis on sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash people marriage is not only about sex. I have a truly great marriage, solid and healthy as a rock. But we have sex maybe 2-5 times a month. We are both fine with that, if either of us wanted it more we would say so. That said, there have been months where we haven't had sex or maybe only 1 or 2 times. It did not change the dynamic at all, we are each others best friend and this works for us. Any marriage that would fail due to lack of sex was never a strong one to begin with, and I believe that with every ounce of my being.

This x 1,000.

This NOT x 1,000. We have a great marriage in every other way. But my husband's very low libido is heading us towards divorce. Sex is a big part of a relationship, and I won't sacrifice this part of my being to stay with him. You are in a relationship where your sex drive matches up, which is great for you guys. How can you know how it would feel to be in another kid, where someone wants nothing to do with you physically, but enjoys your company? It feels awful, and will likely end our marriage which is a tragedy. If you haven't been there, you can't know.

Thank you for this. The PP just doesn't get it. If both partners have the same (low or high) sex drive, there's no issue. The marriage doesn't fail because of "lack of sex," it fails because of lack of consideration for each other's feelings. The PP's smug attitude would not help her in a marriage to a man with different needs than her husband allegedly has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash people marriage is not only about sex. I have a truly great marriage, solid and healthy as a rock. But we have sex maybe 2-5 times a month. We are both fine with that, if either of us wanted it more we would say so. That said, there have been months where we haven't had sex or maybe only 1 or 2 times. It did not change the dynamic at all, we are each others best friend and this works for us. Any marriage that would fail due to lack of sex was never a strong one to begin with, and I believe that with every ounce of my being.

You only believe that because you and your H are evenly matched sexually, and because sex isn't important to either of you to have a strong marriage. I have lots of male friends with whom I share intimate things. It's the sex that differentiates my husband from my male friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people find a high libido brag worthy?
head thump...

Because it shows we're fun people? Duh.

My husband constantly badgers me about sex because of his high libido. Trust me, it isn't "fun".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people find a high libido brag worthy?
head thump...

Why do people with a low libido feel morally superior?
head thump...

[Anonymous]

I guess what I am reading that a lot of women are not willing to contribute to the happiness of the marriage. And to say in essence "I choose not have sex with my DH and if he leaves me because of it, then he was not worthy in the first place." That's laughable. There IS a middle ground! You are making the unilateral decision that BOTH of you should be celibate.

Say what you want but the physical connection is very important to a marriage. And if any person is constantly rebufed and rejected, thing go South in a hurry and resentment and anger just build up.

In the OP's case, the friend was trying to get her goat. The DH's comment was ill-timed but a perfectly valid expression of how he feels. Instead of cousing on the freind and the timing of DH's comment, OP needs to resolve the substance of his comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people find a high libido brag worthy?
head thump...

Because it shows we're fun people? Duh.

wow, no self esteem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people find a high libido brag worthy?
head thump...

Why do people with a low libido feel morally superior?
head thump...

because their marriage could survive when one in no longer able to have sex.
their marriage is strong that sex isn't NEEDED to stay together.

The two couples i know that has constant sex both divorced. it was the only thing they had in common.

[Anonymous]

Uhhh folks....it is a good thing for spouses to want to have sex with each other!! At least the person desires you and wants to have needs met inside the marrage. My goodness!! YOu don't want to fuck your DH and you dont want anyone else to fuck him either. That will work out great! LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash people marriage is not only about sex. I have a truly great marriage, solid and healthy as a rock. But we have sex maybe 2-5 times a month. We are both fine with that, if either of us wanted it more we would say so. That said, there have been months where we haven't had sex or maybe only 1 or 2 times. It did not change the dynamic at all, we are each others best friend and this works for us. Any marriage that would fail due to lack of sex was never a strong one to begin with, and I believe that with every ounce of my being.

This x 1,000.

I used to think this was true but now I am starting to realize that some people just put a lot of importance on sex. Maybe they see it as a way to express love and romance, and without it, what's the point? Maybe they need it often to feel alive? I don't know because it's not that important to me personally but that doesn't mean that people who rate it differently than I do are wrong. It's great that you and your DH are on the same page about it. But for couples who aren't, yes, lack of sex can be a big, big issue, eventually leading to divorce.

Are you over 30? Didn't you ever date someone to whom sex was very important? It is very important to me for all of the reasons you list above, and more. What else makes you feel as alive as a sexual encounter? How do you express love and romance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say what you want but the physical connection is very important to a marriage. And if any person is constantly rebufed and rejected, thing go South in a hurry and resentment and anger just build up.

And what about the resentment and anger that build up when one spouse is constantly feeling pressured and having to do something they don't want to do?