Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be mad, but you must recognize that you have created this monster. From the minute your kid came home from the hospital, you needed to establish an expectation that you were partners in parenting. Being partners doesn't have to mean an exact 50-50 split, by the way. It does mean that your husband should be able to put the kid to bed solo. He should be as familiar with the normal bedtime routine as you, and he should do it. Again, one parent might not do things EXACTLY the same way, but there should be a general consensus of expectation.
You've allowed 3 years of learned helplessness get entrenched in your husband's dealings with your son. When he returns home, you two need to hire a babysitter, and find a calm time to go out and discuss this.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he leave the carcasses in the car/truck while he's at work? I don't understand the logistics of hunting before work...

On your original question, your husband is an asshole and I would be livid.

He brings it back and hangs it on our deck on one of those deer hanger things, then goes to work.

[Anonymous]

I think your husband is a complete asshole and I would be furious.

It's one thing to have issues between the two of you, but what kind of grown man doesn't get it together to take care of a child and leaves him sitting in a dirty diaper to watch TV while he falls asleep?

Pathetic and unacceptable.

If your husband can't or refuses to recognize what a big deal this is and agree to make some changes, then I think you've got a bigger issue to deal with. I could not stay married to a person like this. Do you have ANY respect for him?

[Anonymous]

Op here, I'm going to really push for counseling. Thank you to everyone. I hope we can work through this. I really don't want to end up divorced. I really want to make this marriage work. I've been divorced before, but luckily there were no children involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband is a complete asshole and I would be furious.

It's one thing to have issues between the two of you, but what kind of grown man doesn't get it together to take care of a child and leaves him sitting in a dirty diaper to watch TV while he falls asleep?

Pathetic and unacceptable.

If your husband can't or refuses to recognize what a big deal this is and agree to make some changes, then I think you've got a bigger issue to deal with. I could not stay married to a person like this. Do you have ANY respect for him?

Honesly, I don't have much respect for him anymore. I fear though, if I divorce, he will be neglectful like this during the times he has DS, and something bad will happen to DS. Everything I start thinking about divorce, I can't help thinking about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a loser but then again, you do too. Where are you at that you go hunting at 4am? Who does that? How do you not trust your husband? You said he did this before (falling asleep) so why have him responsible for him late at night? You couldn't go grocery shopping on the weekend, as a family, to have that extra hand while shopping? You really felt the need to snoop around trash to see if he is drunk? What a messed up marriage/family.

Im not the OP but you're the most horrid person on this thread. Nothing that you have said provides helpful or constructive feeback to the OP like the rest of us have.

What a useful reply...,

[Anonymous]

Do a quick assessment of how many hours per week he spends hunting. Now figure out how much time you have for your own, childfree hobbies. What kind of disparity is there? You need to have a serious talk with him about stepping up- it sounds like you typically do bedtime/baths every night, get your son ready every morning and do drop-off, does he at least pick him up in the evenings? It sounds like the major childcare responsibilities all fall on you. And you have allowed this situation to go on for 3 years? It gets to the point where you are just enabling irresponsible behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband is a complete asshole and I would be furious.

It's one thing to have issues between the two of you, but what kind of grown man doesn't get it together to take care of a child and leaves him sitting in a dirty diaper to watch TV while he falls asleep?

Pathetic and unacceptable.

If your husband can't or refuses to recognize what a big deal this is and agree to make some changes, then I think you've got a bigger issue to deal with. I could not stay married to a person like this. Do you have ANY respect for him?

Honesly, I don't have much respect for him anymore. I fear though, if I divorce, he will be neglectful like this during the times he has DS, and something bad will happen to DS. Everything I start thinking about divorce, I can't help thinking about that.

Op, YES! You hit the nail on the head. We have a 2 yr old and I'm about to give birth anyday now to our second. I realized recently that I no longer respect my DH but I try to suck it up and deal, at least while the children are yound bc I know he will fight me tooth and nail for custody, just to be vindictive. I am terrified of him being neglectful during his "time alone" with the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a loser but then again, you do too. Where are you at that you go hunting at 4am? Who does that? How do you not trust your husband? You said he did this before (falling asleep) so why have him responsible for him late at night? You couldn't go grocery shopping on the weekend, as a family, to have that extra hand while shopping? You really felt the need to snoop around trash to see if he is drunk? What a messed up marriage/family.

Im not the OP but you're the most horrid person on this thread. Nothing that you have said provides helpful or constructive feeback to the OP like the rest of us have.

What a useful reply...,

Well, at least you understand how much of an ass you are now.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. you should both get equal time per week for your leisure activities. Maybe you can talk about this in counseling.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear about your situation OP. This is a very interesting post though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband is a complete asshole and I would be furious.

It's one thing to have issues between the two of you, but what kind of grown man doesn't get it together to take care of a child and leaves him sitting in a dirty diaper to watch TV while he falls asleep?

Pathetic and unacceptable.

If your husband can't or refuses to recognize what a big deal this is and agree to make some changes, then I think you've got a bigger issue to deal with. I could not stay married to a person like this. Do you have ANY respect for him?

Honesly, I don't have much respect for him anymore. I fear though, if I divorce, he will be neglectful like this during the times he has DS, and something bad will happen to DS. Everything I start thinking about divorce, I can't help thinking about that.

My advice...don't have a second child. (Please, please, please.) Wait until your DS is old enough to somewhat fend for himself. By the time he's 5ish, he will at least be able to reliably tend to his physical needs and speak up for himself a bit more. Then you leave your husband.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for all the off-topic questions, but hunting deer every morning doesn't sound right. How many deer has he gotten? You can get a lot of meat from one deer, so it seems weird that he would go every morning. Also, can you even do that? I'm from the midwest and there's a two-week window (usually later in November) where you can hunt. Does he bow hunt?

[Anonymous]

I'd be more pissed about him not helping with the groceries than the baby not being asleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for all the off-topic questions, but hunting deer every morning doesn't sound right. How many deer has he gotten? You can get a lot of meat from one deer, so it seems weird that he would go every morning. Also, can you even do that? I'm from the midwest and there's a two-week window (usually later in November) where you can hunt. Does he bow hunt?

Well, he doesn't get a deer every time he goes. He's gotten 2 so far this year. He hunts in Maryland (at a friend's farm which is only a 30 minute drive - this is where he goes in the mornings). We also have 40 acres in West Virginia that he goes to on some weekends to hunt. He does everything - rifle, bow, black powder, and he hunts deer, goose and duck. Bear too, but has never gotten a bear so far. I think right now he is bow hunting in Maryland. He said on Monday that he saw a 12 point buck, but didn't get a shot at him. He's been going back every morning, obsessed with getting that 12 pointer.