Husband - parenting fail last night - how upset should I be? (I need perspective)

Anonymous
I can't fathom that. How could he even fall asleep knowing the kid wasn't safely in his bed? Horrible. Seriously.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of you self righteous women have ever had a moment where after a full day of kids, work, errands, cooking etc hasnt caught herself dozing off in a chair while their child played nearby. Well, one who would admit it. I have. The child was fine. Who says the kid sat in a soaked diaper for long? The child could have just peed the diaper not long before mom returned home. And if mom has to start off by saying something about not being able to trust her husband then she set herself (and her child up) for this failure. She has no business then leaving her husband in charge of the kid. Love it how people can slam someone. Go look at yourselves in the mirror and make sure you dont live in a glass house.


I have never, ever fallen asleep when I was watching my children. I think it is dangerous for this to happen with babies and toddlers awake and wandering around the house. They can get into so much trouble. Seriously. I think you are minimizing this issue.
Anonymous
Plus, a man snoring away is in a deep slumber, which is much worse than a mom dozing off in a rocking chair for a few minutes.
Anonymous
If you do not trust your husband, you've got bigger issues than bed time.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Yes, start documenting these parenting fails now and all the times you asked him to seek counseling. Don't depend on in-laws to back you up as a good parent. They may seek sole custody. I would see a lawyer now to better understand what might happen in a custody fight. This marriage isn't going to get better. So sorry OP. I cannot imagine.


OP here, I am actually keeping a journal of everything, and have also been hiding away money for years, just in case. I just hate to divorce. Ill elaborate more on monday, when i have acesses to a computer with a keyboard, i hate typing on this phone.
Anonymous
Hell yeah I would be super pissed if I were in your shoes OP.

Wow...You asked your husband on this one occasion to take over childcare duties and he just fell asleep.
Sounds to me like your husband has absolutely no clue in child-rearing.

From now on, I guess you will just have to be a single parent and no longer leave your son in his Father's care. This is quite sad, but considering how incompetent your hubby is, you have no other option.

It is quite sad that he cannot be depended on to assist you every now and then.

And double whammy to your hubby for not helping you carry all the groceries back up to the house.

I wouldn't cook for him for a week.
Anonymous
I would be furious. He behaved like a complete ass. You are not over reacting.
Anonymous
He Fd up. See if you can get a nice new purse out of it, if he feels bad enough.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, start documenting these parenting fails now and all the times you asked him to seek counseling. Don't depend on in-laws to back you up as a good parent. They may seek sole custody. I would see a lawyer now to better understand what might happen in a custody fight. This marriage isn't going to get better. So sorry OP. I cannot imagine.


OP here, I am actually keeping a journal of everything, and have also been hiding away money for years, just in case. I just hate to divorce. Ill elaborate more on monday, when i have acesses to a computer with a keyboard, i hate typing on this phone.


I've been there, OP. One of the things you need to consider is that if you divorce, your DH will have your kid unsupervised completely for visitation. That means whole weekends and vacations of not even really being able to check on them.

Please try the marriage counseling route first.
Anonymous
Yes, our DH has moved into the obsession category and its no longer a hobby.

His obsession is killing animals.

Sorry but anyone who is going the lengths he is to hunt and kill animals makes me thinks its only a matter of time before he moves on. Much like he is perfecting his skills.




Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is he really hunting in the morning? Sounds like something else may be going on...


Trust me, no. He's hunting (as I'm picturing all the ground venison I stayed up til 2am the other night vacuum packaging, and the severed deer head that is currently in our chest freezer...


My Ex was a hunter and all the hunting business and grossness that came with it was his business. One day I arrived home from work to find a couple of quail in our refrigerator with the feathers, on etc. I threw those damn things in the trash, I didn't care how long it took him to hunt them or how many hunting buddies he had invited over. Hunting came between our marriage, we didn't have children together which was a blessing. But during hunting season he was never home and my birthday fell on hunting season and according to him it needed to wait until after deer season, notice I say he is my EX. Everything revolved around hunting season for my EX but that was not the entire problem of our marriage, he felt like when he wanted to hang out with the guys or other couples that he could go as he pleased and didn't care if I had to work or not. HE would take weeks off during hunting season and then not have any vacation saved up for vacation together. Once during hunting season, I was sick as a dog --- throwing up, fever, laying in the bathroom floor -- yes he still went hunting. I had to call my parents -- that was the last straw for me.

OP, I hope you can find a happy median in your relationship, but it looks like he works PT and you still do a majority of the work, parenting, child care, etc. You need to have an honest sit down conversation to see where his heart is in this marriage.
Anonymous
NP here: I hate to make assumptions, but I'd bet that the OP's husband has a drinking problem. It sounds like there have been a number of other incidents that have shaken her confidence in his dependability as a parent. I also think it's particularly telling that she was searching the trash/recycling for beer cans/bottles. There seems to be a lot of talk about divorce here, but I wonder if the OP's husband needs help with drinking. I may be off base, but a lot of what OP has written squares with a drinking problem. OP, good luck to you. I hope things get better. I am the wife of an alcoholic who often hid the evidence of his drinking before he finally got help. When he was drinking his parenting suffered greatly. He is a different, and 100 percent better parent now that he is sober and regularly going to AA.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Yes, our DH has moved into the obsession category and its no longer a hobby.

His obsession is killing animals.

Sorry but anyone who is going the lengths he is to hunt and kill animals makes me thinks its only a matter of time before he moves on. Much like he is perfecting his skills.






Oh please. So hunters are now serial killers in training? You are ridiculous.
Anonymous
Back off self righteous moms... I've fallen asleep with my children awake in bed next to me, and I'm a mom. No, I wasn't drinking -it was a long day. Of course I had mommy radar on that I would have noticed if the child left the bed.
The bedtime shouldn't be rigid for a weekend - and he is a parent too.
Wet diapers happen and don't harm anything unless is habitual.
Don't expect DH to parent to your standards. He has his own parenting style, and the more rigid you are the less he will want to parent. By creating these rules only makes him not want to be involved. He knows all he'll ever do is screw up by your standards, so why even try?
The gum, eh, let it go. My husband gave our 2 year old popcorn.
Anonymous
He probably feels your scheduling is rigid. I am more routine and my H is more free spirited. My LO can stay in a wet diaper all day and just smile her little face off. I don't know...I hear ya, but I also feel you might be a little up tight or not up tight, but just tired. Everyone is different. I would be tired after that long day, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
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