Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that you've received a lot of good advice here. One thing that hasn't been mentioned is that you might not be in love with your baby right away. Of course I loved my baby, but I wasn't totally ga ga in love with him for many weeks. You give and give and give to the baby, and you literally get nothing back. My son had colic, so he cried. A lot. For no reason. If this happens to you, try not to let it rattle you. Hold the baby, and know that it will pass. One day you will love your baby so much that you won't even be able to describe it.

[phone]

Some people are great parents, but are not infant people. Infancy is TOUGH -- a lot given, and you don't get anything back for a long time. There may very well be a point (even more than one point) where you think "Oh my God, I've made a horrible mistake, and I've ruined our lives." DO NOT PANIC. This is very, very common. The newborn and early infant stages were the hardest thing I've ever done. Just ride it out. For those of us who aren't newborn/infant people, it's a 100-day war. Get to Day 100. It will be a totally different ballgame.

[Anonymous]

Only have houseguest over who understand that you are not there to entertain. I learned this the hard way. Seriously, unless they are willing to assist you, clean up after themselves, fetch their own drink / snack, then don't have them over. Or have DH do the entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only have houseguest over who understand that you are not there to entertain. I learned this the hard way. Seriously, unless they are willing to assist you, clean up after themselves, fetch their own drink / snack, then don't have them over. Or have DH do the entertaining.

Amen. Note that "houseguest" and "mother-in-law" can mean the same thing here. Refer to the hundreds of threads here on DCUM mentioning a MIL and new baby.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot of tedium and exhaustion, longish periods of soothing the baby...and then spikes of unbelievable joy. Some of it is ok, some of it does suck, but those moments are amazing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that you've received a lot of good advice here. One thing that hasn't been mentioned is that you might not be in love with your baby right away. Of course I loved my baby, but I wasn't totally ga ga in love with him for many weeks. You give and give and give to the baby, and you literally get nothing back. My son had colic, so he cried. A lot. For no reason. If this happens to you, try not to let it rattle you. Hold the baby, and know that it will pass. One day you will love your baby so much that you won't even be able to describe it.

[phone]

Some people are great parents, but are not infant people. Infancy is TOUGH -- a lot given, and you don't get anything back for a long time. There may very well be a point (even more than one point) where you think "Oh my God, I've made a horrible mistake, and I've ruined our lives." DO NOT PANIC. This is very, very common. The newborn and early infant stages were the hardest thing I've ever done. Just ride it out. For those of us who aren't newborn/infant people, it's a 100-day war. Get to Day 100. It will be a totally different ballgame.

I agree with all this and it isn't often discussed. I did not immediately fall madly in love with my baby and I felt really guilty. Now I love him to pieces and I'm on to #2. Just get through it and the good part will come.

[Anonymous]

My first is 3 weeks old today and I think this information is really good. I've been lucky in terms of recovery and having an easy baby (so far), but sometimes I forget that I can put her down for a while and shower or go to the bathroom or just not be attentive to her for a minute or two. Even though I don't feel totally sleep deprived, I sometimes struggle with decisions, so I know I'm not 100%. And yeah, prepare to cry for no reason. I was singing to her the other day and started singing "Jet Plane." I made myself cry and had to change songs!

[Anonymous]

For me, it wasn't that hard, but it was extremely boring.

[Anonymous]

PP's did you find it hard to actually fall asleep due to worrying about the baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP's did you find it hard to actually fall asleep due to worrying about the baby?

I wrote about this on the first page. Yes, I did. Silly. The second or third night she actually slept for like 5 hours but I thought this meant something was wrong so I stayed up and watched her instead of sleeping. You MUST sleep! Not sleeping makes all the little stuff seem so overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP's did you find it hard to actually fall asleep due to worrying about the baby?

I did. Anxiety and inability to sleep is actually a subset of PPD.

[Anonymous]

Give your husband something that is his own - whether it's the bath, a period of time at night so you can relax/do your own thing, or helping get the baby ready to go in the morning. Encourage him to spend alone time with the new baby, too (even if it's only 30 minutes). It will not only help him to feel part of the action at a time where you're front and center, but it will also establish a routine where he is helping and the two of you are partners in taking care of the baby.

I did not do this while I was on maternity leave. My DH only got a few days of leave and then returned to work. I felt like I needed to do everything because he was "working." Fast forward 3 months when I went back to work and the precedent was that I did everything (literally). Unfortunately, it took a while to break this pattern - and a lot of stress and annoyance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP's did you find it hard to actually fall asleep due to worrying about the baby?

I did. Anxiety and inability to sleep is actually a subset of PPD.

My first night home I stayed awake and watch DC sleep. It was worst w/ #2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP's did you find it hard to actually fall asleep due to worrying about the baby?

I did. Anxiety and inability to sleep is actually a subset of PPD.

My first night home I stayed awake and watch DC sleep. It was worst w/ #2

^^worse

[Anonymous]

Only thing I'll add to this wonderful thread is my strongest memory of the first weeks: all. day. breastfeeding. Seriously, it felt like I did nothing but sit on the couch all day and nurse. I'm glad I did it, of course, but I wasn't prepared for how consuming that would be. I made it a point to get out of the house and take a walk daily (and to shower), and those things really helped me get through the days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admittedly had two very easy deliveries and recoveries, and am now expecting #3, but in my opinion and experience, the final few weeks of pregnancy suck way way more than caring for a newborn. Way more. I really didn't think the first few months were that difficult. I am not trying to brag and I do think I had it pretty easy (nursing wasn't a big deal and my babies didn't have colic or anything like that) but I just wanted to offer another perspective from "it will be totally miserable." The hardest part for me the first time was the life adjustment -- getting used to the fact that we couldn't leave the house on our own and had another life to think about and things were just going to be harder and more complicated going forward.

Things that helped me - I coslept with both babies in the beginning, using a Snuggle Nest in the bed. It made nursing much easier and was way less taxing than physically getting out of bed every time the baby needed to eat. I forced myself to get out from the beginning -- figured out which carrier my babies liked best and became really comfortable with it. I made sure I got some time to myself and my husband was really good about accommodating me.

Good luck! You will survive and in a few months (years) it will seem like just a very minor blip in your life.

I second most of this. Especially the cosleeping. Once I discovered how to nurse in the side lying position, I almost literally never felt tired again.

Another important point that has been touched on briefly but not emphasized enough: your baby's personality will determine how hard or easy the first month is. I'm currently expecting #4 and I can attest that all kids are different from the time they are in utero. My first baby was by far my hardest ... which was kind of nice because I had nothing to compare him to at the time, and I could be more tolerant because I didn't have other children to care for, and then it was such a relief to get easier ones the next two times. I will also say that I've never had a lot of trouble with sleep as a parent -- which is not to say my kids STTN from day one, because they didn't. But I found the interruptions in sleep manageable as long as I got enough total hours of sleep. What that meant in practical terms was just going to bed earlier for the better part of a year each time. Really with each of them it took two to three weeks to get into a sort of rhythm at night, but by that point they would each sleep a three or four-hour stretch and then wake up every two hours after that. For me that was doable.

I never had much trouble nursing (had mastitis a couple of times with #1) but I will second the poster who cautioned you that pain can be normal. I have found nursing painful at the beginning each time. With my second, who was/is tongue-tied, it was excruciating for the first two weeks or so (we did not get the tie fixed because he was able to get plenty of milk). I just took ibuprofen and gritted my teeth and got through it. But there are so many different types of issues you can run into with nursing, so do have the info of a good LC on hand and don't wait to get an appointment if you think you need some help, especially in the early days when establishing your milk supply is so crucial. OTOH, don't go into it expecting that you won't produce enough milk and constantly looking for signs that something is wrong. If your baby is peeing and pooping and gaining weight (after the first few days), even if he is gaining weight slowly, then your milk is fine.

It is normal for the baby to be fussy -- or even screaming -- in the evening. They call it the witching hour for a reason.

You may not bleed for weeks. I've usually been done with everything but light spotting by 10 days out.

Not all babies like to be worn. My first (the difficult one) hated it.

If you can afford it and you haven't already, hire a good newborn photographer. I only did that with my third, and I treasure those pictures soooooo much and wish I had some of the first two like that. (Not the ones done in the hospital, they are still too puffy then to photograph well). Newborns photograph best at 6 to 10 days old so you book before the birth and then you call/email when the baby is born to set up your appointment.

The hormone crash happens about 3-5 days after birth. With my second and third I was very weepy and irrational when that happened. It was actually scary because I was afraid I was going to die and couldn't think logically about that.

That's all I can think of for now. Good luck -- you'll do great!