Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP's did you find it hard to actually fall asleep due to worrying about the baby?

UGH, YES. So annoying - people would come over and hold the baby "so I could take a nap," and I would go to my bedroom, lie down, and stare at the ceiling for 2 hours. It just chemically wasn't in me yet to not worry. That took a while to pass. But then again, I often found it hard to shut my mind down and go to sleep pre-baby. I think a lot of it is deeply personal.

I found myself struggling to sleep the first couple of days home from the hospital. Somehow I slept just fine in the hospital, but having had a c-section I felt like I wasn't quite in charge of the baby there, but at home all of a sudden the baby was totally our responsibility. I remember lying awake trying to nap with the baby in the pack n play beside me, and I remember going through in my head that if the baby needed me, he would cry, and I was right there, and I would hear it. It was this whole step by step "it will be ok," and I then I dropped off to sleep and had no trouble getting to sleep after that.

What the PPs have said about hormones, though, man...the first two weeks I cried every day around four o'clock no matter what else was h appending or how rested I was. It was just so overwhelming, the feelings. That was probably the hardest part for DH to handle, because there was no consoling me, the storm just had to pass.

Remember to take care of you. The baby needs fed and cared for, but the second thing on your list should be feeding yourself and resting. Have lots of handy food and take home your big hospital mug and keep it full of water. Rest can mean lying propped up against pillows in your bed nursing and vegging out on your phone or with a book. Those first few weeks, don't try to do much beyond feeding the baby and feeding yourself...the rest is bonus.

Make sure DH understands your need to recover and is ready to do lots of the kitchen and housework, even after he goes back to work. His day isn't done until the baby is asleep--because yours isn't! Your house may be a disaster at the end of four weeks. We don't use a housecleaning service, but we had a groupon for one house cleaning we used at about that point, and it was timed rather perfectly.

[Anonymous]

It's definitely called the 4th Trimester for a good reason - your body is still hormonal and out of whack! Both of my kids definitely had their days and nights mixed up for the first month - it was torture but I was shocked by how my body persevered through it. To whomever mentioned defining roles between yourself and your husband, that is WONDERFUL advice. When my first was born, there was a block party on our street and we couldn't get to our house so we decided to spend the first night at my mom's house in MD... and left two weeks later. If you can enlist help those first few weeks, definitely do. I was adamantly against having family creep in on my time with my new little family but that changed immediately after the first confusing, painful, emotional night.
Good luck! It gets better... then worse, then better again, then...

[Anonymous]

you just never know ~ I was kept in the hospital, and baby was sent home with my husband (our first)

[Anonymous]

Each week got easier.

[Anonymous]

Mom of 2 here.

As long as your kid is not colicky or with health problems, and breast-feeding works okay for you, the first month is not that hard. You will be waking up to nurse a lot in the middle of the night, yes. But you also won't have to work and you can nap when the baby naps if you need to. You will feel overwhelmed by learning all of the new things that come along with parenthood (umbilical cord, bathing a newborn, diaper changing). You should consult a lactation consultant if you are having problems with the breast-feeding. You will also be recovering from the birth. You may have to go to the doctor if you have any complications (I had a yeast infection after my second and a c-section with my first).

I would plan to watch a lot of movies, surf the internet, and spend a lot of time in bed with your newborn the first month. The baby will be sleeping most of the time. Get a miracle blanket and learn how to swaddle like a pro, which can make your kid a much better sleeper. Read Weisbluth's sleep book and start thinking about establishing a sleep schedule for the baby in a few months. Be sure to have a baby wrap that you can wear around the house while carrying baby (some babies simply need to be held close to mom all the time). Don't entertain or sign up for doing too much. Savor this special time with your new baby. It will help establish your bond and it goes by fast.

But, overall, I wouldn't worry too much about the first month.

[Anonymous]

I'm pregnant with my second, so I can't bear to read all the replies and remember the hardest parts. I just wanted to write in and say it gets better SO fast. I do not love the newborn phase, but it's just a few weeks until they "wake up" and start smiling and look interested in the world, and it just keeps getting better from there (and I have a very active toddler).

Also, people have given you laundry lists of the hardest bits. You probably won't deal with all of them. My kid never woke up every 2 hours at night, for example, and we were down to one night feeding by 8 weeks. I have a friend for whom bf-ing was pretty manageable from day 1, while I struggled and ultimately switched to formula.

Oh, also, it's a marathon, not a sprint. If you hate breastfeeding, or cloth diapering, or having the crib in your room, or whatever - don't do it. The baby will be fine, possibly better off having a happier parent.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the posts but IME, it depends a lot on the baby. My first was much harder than my second, primarily because my second LOVED to sleep.
If you have the energy, try to make a couple of things and freeze them now.
Peapod and Amazon Prime are your best friends.
If you can afford it, get a cleaning lady/service. You do not want to have to deal with that crap while recovering.
My mother stayed with me the first 2 weeks and she was fabulous both times. My inlaws came to visit for a month when my second child was a couple of weeks old and it was a godsend because they showered our first with attention while I could focus on the newborn.
This time around, I'm hoping my Mom will come and help for a couple of weeks again but my sister is due around the same time as me so I'm not sure that is going to happen.

It is an amazing journey, even if sometimes you just want to throw in the towel.

[vtgirl1993]

If you can afford a doula, mother's helper or sitter, then do it b/c it will help so much. Even if all you do is nap, it'll be worth it.

I agree w/ other posters that DH should help w/ feedings while you sleep. Lack of sleep can mess w/ your milk and reduce it, so pumping just once or twice a day so DH has a bottle will be a lifesaver. www.kellymom.com has a lot of great BFing info.

Have a ton of burp clothes everywhere w/in reach b/c baby will spit up all over the place - you, the couch, the floor, the dog, etc.

Set up mini-BFing stations around the house and stock them w/ water, snacks, reading materials, burp cloths, diapers...anything you think you might need during feedings. This is so you're not stuck starving and staring at a wall while baby suckles for 30 minutes.

[vtgirl1993]

Forgot one great piece of advice I got from my SIL: Sleep when baby sleeps until noon and then do any chores or activities. That way you might cobble together roughly 5-7 hours of sleep a day.

Also, don't be afraid to bedshare. Do your research and do it safely, but don't think it can't be done. My DD went through a cluster-feeding two months and if I hadn't bed-shared using a side latch, then I would've dropped dead from exhaustion.

[Anonymous]

All of these responses are overwhelmingly helpful!! Thank you soooooo much. Keep the advice coming!

[Anonymous]

My baby is almost six weeks. I really wish I'd gotten more done before she was born. I was great about getting the house cleaned, cupboards, fridge, etc. However, I couldn't sit comfortably for the last few weeks (39-42 weeks), so I didn't work on my sub plans when school ended (I'm taking some leave at the beginning of the school year). I expected that DD would sleep a good bit and I'd have time to work on sub plans after she was born. Unfortunately, she rarely stays asleep during the day when I put her down. When she does sleep, it's usually a 1/2 hour or less.

[Anonymous]

I've read all of the posts and agree that a lot of this advice is good, but remember so much of this is personal and will depend on your personality and the baby's personality as well as your attitude going into the pregnancy, labor and care for the baby.

I am a new mom and baby is 5 weeks old. I honestly have not found these weeks to be very difficult. There are moments, but overall its been pretty easy and even fun!

I've taken the baby to many restaurants, bars, on the metro multiple times a week, we walk to the grocery store, to the library, meet dad for lunch, go to my office to say hi, etc. I made a commitment to myself that I'd continue doing adult things and living my life and have done just that. I just plop baby in the Ergo carrier and she sleeps as we bop around.

I recommend finding some mom's groups where you live (PACE, StrollerStrides, Breastfeeding Center, etc.) and connecting with others to give you support.

Also, I highly recommend the 90-minute baby sleep program: http://www.amazon.com/The-90-Minute-Baby-Sleep-Program/dp/0761143114 Its a really easy way to help baby cry less and sleep more. Also, Happiest Baby on the block book or DVD. The combo of those two books/theories has made my life pretty sane.

[Anonymous]

I would recommend putting aside any expectations you have about childbirth or nursing. I had a rough c-section with my first child and the immediate pp period was harder on me because I felt like things didn't go the way they were meant to go. Breastfeeding was a nightmare. I figured it out and it got better but it was hard. There is no one way that it should go or how you should feel. It took me a couple of months to feel really bonded to my baby. I loved him but I just didn't feel how I thought I should have felt at first. Each person's experience is different. You might have an easy first time. I had a very easy second time with both the delivery, recovery, and breastfeeding. If every time was like that, I would have a gaggle of babies.

I hope you have an easy recovery period but if you have problems, know you're not alone. I would plan in advance to build a support network, especially for breastfeeding. It helps to talk to other moms who've been there.

I would also advise you to "never say never." Be prepared to go with the flow depending on what you and your baby need. Pre-baby I thought bedsharing was dangerous. I thought I would NEVER do that. After my son was born and he wouldn't sleep anywhere but in my arms, I started accidentally falling asleep on the couch with him. I knew that was bad and so I researched bedsharing. We followed the "rules" and were very happy co-sleeping with him. That doesn't work for everyone but the point is the same. I'm a big believer in doing what works for you. It will take a little while to figure it out but do not feel like you need to do something that isn't working just because it's what you feel you're "supposed" to do.

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone has said this, but I thought the first month was ok, because you're going on adrenalin. You're so excited, your spouse is so excited, and other people are so excited for you. At about 3 months, when my baby was still up multiple times every night, when other people stop offering to help because they assume you've got it all under control, that's when it really hit me. So just be prepared for that.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read through, but I found the first month easier than I thought. I had a sweet and easy baby and was jacked up on excitement about being a new mommy. I crashed after I went back to work, but I was on a "mommy" high the first few weeks.

Another incredible thing is that my DH helped a ton. Because I knew my body couldn't deal with the complete lack of sleep, I allowed one bottle of formula at nighttime so that DH would stay up for the 1-2 a.m. feeding (he is a natural night owl), and I would go to sleep after the 11-12 feeding and not get up again until around 4. Then, I would just keep napping between feedings until the 9-10 a.m. feeding. Yes, I spent 10-11 hours a day in bed, but it really helped.