Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
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Anonymous
i would have appreciated the honesty had someone told me that. Because I thought it sucked too. |
Anonymous
| I was (and still am) a single mom. I decided not to BF because 1) I had no desire to and 2) I didn't have any consistent help. I had an unplanned c-section and hadn't paid any attention to that part of the childbirthing classes b/c I thought "That won't be me!" I actually thought the first few weeks weren't as bad as the next few months. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for a good reason. I was okay with it the first month but after that, it really compounded for me. My son started sleeping less and I was just more tired. Ask for help from everyone. Whenever someone would tell me they were coming to visit, I would give them a list of things to buy for me at the store and I would give them a check when they showed up. I wasn't supposed to drive for 6 weeks so I relied on them for help. I was the first one of my friends to have kids so when they had their kids, I did the same thing for them. Take advantage of the fact that you can leave a newborn in one place and come back and they will still be there. That won't always be the case. Buy lots of baby clothes (onesies, etc) instead of feeling like you need to do the laundry. Don't beat yourself up if BFing isn't working. I have friends who made themselves sick b/c they weren't able to BF or BF exclusively. One is still in therapy and her baby is a toddler now. Nobody cares how you feed your baby and if they do, they need to get a life. Just remember that the baby stage is very temporary. You will do fine. |
Anonymous
+ 1 Get help, I loved having my mom here! |
Anonymous
| Sleep when the baby sleeps is a joke. |
Anonymous
| Get a sling. Stuff the baby in it. Go for walks if you can. I went all Swedish on our baby and put her outside constantly. She probably spent like7-9 hours outdoors as a newborn. I wanted her to learn to sleep surrounded by noise. This is NOT one of those houses where people tip-toe around during naps, and I have created a baby who can sleep anywhere. In a restaurant, in the mall, on a walk, etc. We are not slaves to the nap, rushing home for it. |
Anonymous
| Baby nurse. Seriously. I wanted to cry when she left. |
Anonymous
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1. Breastfeeding hurts in the beginning. Yes, even with a good latch. I wish someone had prepared me for that. It WILL get better though and eventually you'll pop the baby on without even thinking about it.
2. Sometimes the baby will eat more frequently than every 2-3 hours. Cluster feeding is common in the evenings. 3. Help is great, but you may just want some privacy to bond with your baby. I wish I had kicked my in-laws out of the house sooner. 4. You cannot screw your kid up for life in the first couple of months. Just do what you need to do to get through it - even if that means letting him/her sleep on your chest or holding him/her all the time. I was so afraid that my DS would never sleep in a crib on his own. But things change so frequently! Don't think too far in the future. 5. I was starving and so, so thirsty. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. 6. Get lots of pads! I had no idea there would be so much bleeding postpartum. ugh |
Anonymous
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PPs all have good advice. I would add: Getting out of the house with your baby will be hard. Do not put pressure on yourself to do it. You will want to get out -- you miss being active, you're stir crazy, etc. But the baby is sleeping and then she needs to eat and then be changed and by the time you are ready to go she is sleeping again. If you can roll with it, especially in those first few weeks, do so. There's nothing wrong with cuddling on the couch all day. I think I started walking the dog (without DH) around 7 or 8 weeks, certainly not earlier.
If you have to be somewhere at a particular time during the first 6 weeks, try to schedule help for that appointment. Even with help, plan to arrive about 30 minutes early. Probably that way you will be on time, and if you actually manage to be early then baby is still small enough to nurse or nap wherever. I found that baby and I could do one thing each day. If we needed to go to the ped, or the store, or a social event, that was our one thing and we scheduled the rest of the day around it. This is still pretty true even at 3 months: it's a rare day when I try to make two separate outings with baby, although I can usually walk the dog and do an outing if I plan ahead. You think you can squeeze in that one extra trip, because it's right there on the way, but usually it's better not to. It's kind of the same as carrying things up and down the stairs: what you could do in one trip without the baby, you do in three trips with the baby. When I really need to get stuff done, I have MIL watch the baby at my house so I can go run errands. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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Great advice already here.
Amazon.com prime (or amazon mom) membership is your friend. Don't take tags off anything and save receipts, in case. Remember to tell your DH/ DW that you love them every day, even every hour. This is the most stressful time in a couple's life. Be patient with each other and trust each other's instincts. Share. Share diaper changing, holding baby, pushing baby in stroller, packing diaper bag, strapping baby into seat, even feeding (DH use pumped milk or a bottle of formula), night soothing, etc. etc. too many friends never let their DH do these things and now complain about how they have to do everything themselves. My BIL has never ONCE put his son to bed so SIL never has any alone time with friends in evening - but she made her bed and now needs to sleep in it. Remember that you made the baby together and so learn to take care of the baby together. Each may have his own method, but as long as the goal is accomplished, it's okay. Don't criticize the other. Eat well to feel well. Make sure you keep taking prenatals and get enough fresh foods. Order in if you have to or visit the salad bar. Drink copious amounts of water if BF - put a full glass with a straw next to you at each feeding. Find a few friends or relatives who you trust who have been there/done this and tell them you'll be calling for advice. Then don't be shy to do so. I wish I'd relied more on collective friend wisdom rather than random Internet strangers. And with that, good luck and be well! |
Anonymous
OP, everyone's experience is different. My engorgement was not painful at all and I had a good milk supply. If I'd advise you on one thing, it would be to have your DH enlisted for help (and other help, if you can summon it). If you know DH is in charge of cooking, taking out the trash, cleaning the house, diaper changes or whatever other things you guys agree on, you can focus on the baby. My biggest surprise was how much of a Neanderthal my husband became right after birth. He expected me to take care of baby, cook and clean, and take car of other odds and ends (bills and household admin). He had just started a new job, hence no leave and no understanding of what it took to care for the baby. |
Anonymous
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I have not read through the other comments but will share two things. I have lots of nieces and nephews and spent lots of time babysitting. I thought I would be fine. Our baby was pretty quiet while at the hospital and we thought...oh how lucky are we? The first night we brought her home she cried right away. I will never forget my husband and I looking at each other and neither of us knowing what to do. I was suddenly so scared and felt like I had no business being a mother-I could not take care of a baby! Of course we had to figure it out and eventually we did. My point is, don't be surprised if you feel lost and scared the first time it is just you and your husband and baby or just you and the baby. It gets better.
My other advice is definitely get recommendations for lactation consultants before you have the baby. Also, in the hospital, take advantage of having them there and having nurses there to help you. One of my nurses at Loudoun hospital was wonderful and in fact was the one who helped me to breast feed. Make full use of the knowledge and continue to ask for help if you need it. Good luck and enjoy your baby. |
Anonymous
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Boring beyond belief. I went back to work early.
Good luck. |
Anonymous
+ 1,000 |
Anonymous
| For me, it was a difficult time. My suggestion would be to get out of the house as much as you can (with the baby), presuming that the ped agrees that this is ok. My son was born in August, and taking him on long walks, to new mom's groups etc. helped. My son was a real screamer, and being trapped inside the house with him crying and screaming all day long was terrible. He liked being pushed in the stroller ok, or being worn, so going out made things better. |
Anonymous
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If you can afford it, a baby nurse is amazing.
A couple of other things. Sleep when the baby sleeps was a joke for me, since my DS would only sleep if he was being rocked. So it was housework while wearing the baby. I survived by going to sleep at 7 pm. The other thing: since you are a FTM, it is possible that lots of family members will want to travel to see the baby and stay in your house. Set ground rules. The best idea is for all visitors to stay at a hotel and to come by for a couple of hours at a time between meals and to be polite you leave, for up to an hour at a time to nurse (or otherwise feed). If they stay at your house, they set up and cleanup all meals on their own. Buy paper plates, cups napkins so they don't need ot figure out where dishes or other things are. No cooking in your house. (exception for a relatives like your mom that will actually stay and help out. But be realistic about who will stress you out and who will not.) This sounds mean, but honestly you are really hormonal exhausted and trying to figure stuff out. You cannot entertain. DH's job is to police the in laws. Otherwise, yes, your mileage may vary. It sucks but it starts to get better and gets better quite quickly for most people. Make sure your DH is aware of the possibility of PPD (it didn't happen to me but isn't uncommon) and has a plan if he thinks it is a major issue. If you don't trust him on this one, ask someone you do (mom, a friend, etc) to do this for you. And despite all the scare stories it is so worth it. Congrats OP! |