Veteran moms: Tell us what the first month is like...
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Anonymous
Hate to agree with this, but had a very similar experience. DH became much more supportive as DD got older, but in those critical first few weeks he was really detached. In retrospect, I wonder if he was in shock. He focused very intently on household chores which, though nice, wasn't what I needed. One thing I wished we'd done before the baby arrived was talk about expectations for how we'd tag team the baby. I assumed this would be obvious to him when the baby arrived. It wasn't. |
Anonymous
| I remember how I felt so clearly. While happy to have a baby, i was in total shock and mourning for the life I thought I'd lost. No one had told me how tough the first few weeks would be. But, more importantly, no one had told me it got better. I thought my life was over, but it was basically just an awful 3 months with a colicky baby. It passes. Sleep, for you both, is the most important thing. Sleep when the baby sleeps. People said that to me, but I never did. I relished in having a couple of baby-free hours to tidy, read, email... Big mistake. |
Anonymous
Two kids and I slept much better MUCH BETTER that first month than in the last weeks of pregnancy. In fact I find the newborn stage a breeze. There is some tiredness in recovering from the birth (exhausting for me with long labors and very large babies all natural) but the actual day to day was very easy for me because they slept most of the time. Nursing was also very natural and easy, like it is for many women (please don't be put off by all the negativity) and I had few other responsibilities at that point apart from my kids. It's a magical time, especially with your first. Congratulations! |
Anonymous
I never had any pain or cracked nipples. Most women don't. |
Anonymous
Before I had my first I was all freaked out about breastfeeding hurting and being difficult because of the people who went ON AND ON about it on sites like this. I'd always assumed I'd breastfeed and was very comfortable with the idea but then I'd hear these messages about how much it hurt and how I might not have enough milk etc. Sure, this is comforting to people who have problems. BUT most people, with the right support DO NOT HAVE PROBLEMS breastfeeding. I was completely freaked out about it for no reason at all. Please do not assume that you will have problems. For many women it does not hurt and their baby knows what to do right away and they have plenty of milk to breast feed to 1 or 2 or beyond. |
Anonymous
I never had that happen. And breast-feeding never hurt, either. It felt like my life force was being drained from me for the first few weeks, but not painful. I had a large baby, and I am guessing his mouth was larger, which I think helped, as did the percoset from the c-section. By the time I was off the pain meds, there were no problems with pain feeding the baby. |
Anonymous
Well according to several LC's I've spoken to, most people do have some pain at first. And our whole point is that even if you DO NOT HAVE PROBLEMS, there can still be some pain. But it is okay and it will go away. |
Anonymous
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Have some lanolin on hand and also some reusable hot/cold packs made for breasts- earth mama booby tubes, lansinoh gel packs, or dedicated washcloths for help with nursing. Before using, warm the acts and stick in your bra a few minutes- helps ease letdown pain. Then after, rub some milk on nips,air dry, top with a tiny bit lanolin. If you need it, use the cold packs afterwards. Those saved me the first few weeks.
Be kind to yourself. If you have a lot of stairs, stash personal items like a toothbrush, hairbrush, elastic, pads, Chapstick, lanolin, advil, hand cream, etc on each floor so you're not faced climbing unnecessarily. I wasn't allowed more than 2 trips per day for the first 2 weeks ( even tho vaginal birth, not c). Put a comfy blanket and good pillow on the couch. Be flexible with your expectations and borrow baby things if you can- i like the breast friend over the boppy, but couldnt know that before birth. I've loved my iPad with amazon prime for nursing sessions. Stock "one-hand foods" for times you're alone so you can eat easily, even when nursing or walking baby. Mine hates carriers so far, so this has been important for me. Keep your camera close too- we have the good camera in our main room and keep our phones handy for snapshots. They are priceless. DD is 14 wks now and has grown and changed so much that its already hard to believe she was so tiny. |
Anonymous
| ^ packs, not acts. Bizarre iPad autocorrect... |
Anonymous
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sorry if this is a repeat; i haven't read the whole thread. just so you know, i am naturally a bit cynical, prone to standoffishness and sarcasm, not good at earnest emotional presence and a bit of a misanthrope; so it was with some surprise that i experienced the following: the first few weeks were pretty magical. the blood, the poo, the discomfort, the sore nipples, the sleep deprivation were kinda the background music to falling in love with baby. i realize it doesn't work this way for everyone, and i respect that different experiences are equally valid. BUT after we got home from the hospital, i was blissfully, weepily happy for a few weeks. seriously, it's amazing. i was speechlessly, weepily thunderstruck by this amazing new human being . . . about every 10 minutes. somewhat more amazingly AND surprisingly, i found the parenting books helpful. i had read a few books, watched a video or two, attended a class, and i had my mom there to help. those things together were absolutely crucial at giving me the confidence that i could do this. here's the thing, everything FEELS awkward and earthshatteringly important and possibly dangerous the first time you do it (including breastfeeding, changing diapers, pulling a onesie over baby's head, introducing baby and dog, giving a spongebath, etc) but you try your best to follow the advice you're given and then you do it a HUNDRED TIMES and you no longer feel awkward and dangerous.
after the first few weeks, baby colic set in and a lot of my confidence was shattered. but the "happiest baby on the block" techniques helped us survive that time. the biggest, scariest part for me were the occasional surges of kinda insane anger at my screaming baby (you know, the magical light of my life i just fell in love with). the reading i had done helped with that too. this too would pass. i had some coping mechanisms, a helpful husband, and if all else failed, it wouldn't kill her to cry in her packnplay for a few minutes while i did some deepbreathing, ran cold water over my face and pulled it together. |
Anonymous
oh, and it does pass! i have a happy, healthy, active 7-month-old. she's not exactly "easy-going" by any definition, but she is maniacally happy about 90% of the time. Her delighted shrieks and waves when I get her from the crib in the morning and again when i pick her up from daycare are the best parts of my day. EVERYDAY. |
Anonymous
| It's all a fog early on. Just when you get used to a newborn pattern it changes. BFing doesnt just happen so dont be dissapointed if it isnt working/becomes easier until week 8 or so. You will be pumping and nursing every 2 hours to get your supply if that's the road you choose. A good 30 mins of that time is spent cleaning your pump parts so get extras. Let your DH do a bottle feed in the middle of the night so you can get a 4-5 hour stretch in the beginning. It will make a big difference in that feeling of "where am I and did I put underwear on today?" Eat. Dont be afraid of coffee. Freeze some meals in the last few weeks so you're not overwhelmed/stressed by simple tasks like cooking. Anything you can do to make your time with the baby easy and not stressful will help. Minimize your stress and let your DH handle the lion share of house stuff while you and baby establish BF. |
Anonymous
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You will find reserved of energy you never knew you had, new mom.
I don't know how it happens, but it does and when it happens and that instinct kicks in you'll surprise yourself at your ability to do things like: Hear the baby crying or even stirring from another room...even when others can't. Seriously, this is like some kind of instinctual mom super power. You may even find your let down response is triggered with these faint noises. This power will also come in handy in a few years when you just have a gut instinct that the way too quiet kid is up to something. Multitask like a champ. Those light night feeding sessions while trying to get other things done are just the start. Girl, soon you'll be changing diapers while negotiating your cell phone bill and keeping an eye out on that pan of casserole you whip up in minutes flat. You can do it! Develop and amazing sense of confidence. Sure you're nervous now. But those nerves will soon be replaced with confidence with each victory. Birth. Feedings. Late nights. Illnesses. Crying. All part of your confidence boosting marathon. So relax mom, you're gonna do great! |
Anonymous
| Wow, thanks! |
Anonymous
Be judicious with cabbage leaves- they also can tank your supply. Just a few minutes of use is enough. I had just as much luck with rubbing breast milk into my nipples and air drying. Boobs out became a regular thing ( and blinds drawn!) |