My 13 year old looking at porn

[Anonymous]

At least it's not gay porn

[Anonymous]

Is there a monastery you can hand him over to? Or an asylum for lost boys? That's what they used to do to girls who didn't act like what proper girls should act like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"~Mom to three grow college-aged kids. No baby mamas. No baby daddys. We were always very open about sex. I am positive that our attitude towards sexuality is the reason we don't have grandchildren right now. "

+ Abortions.

I think that this PP could benefit from a visit to Planned Parenthood to learn about contraception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, not defensive.

Yes, having an abortion has repercussions -- principally that the person who did not want to continue the pregnancy is no longer pregnant.

Since no one walks out after heart surgery in the same way they walk out of the Hair Salon after a hair cut either, either, I'm not sure what your point is here.

If no two people respond to having an abortion in exactly the same way, then that means that you can't know how they felt about it.

And for many women, the main feeling about having had an abortion is relief. So no, it's not always a tragic experience.

Thank you PP. I've posted many times on this board regarding this topic. I was brutally raped and discovered that my BCP failed and I was pregnant. I walked into the clinic with a still slightly bruised eye, stitches on the inside of my cheek and my arm in a sling. My abortion was not a tragic experience and I'm now a very big advocate and volunteer for helping those who have had abortions not feel shame and not to feel like they've done the worse thing in the world by having the procedure. To the PP who made the sweeping generalization, you'd be surprised by how many people are actually relieved by the procedure but don't want to admit it because of judgmental people like you.

Same. I wasn't raped, but in an abusive relationship. Relief doesn't even begin to describe it.

[Anonymous]

My son (8 years old) is pretty internet savvy and plays games, researches things he is interested in, as well as orders books from Amazon. He uses the Khan Academy site as well as plays chess on line. He managed to browse around on Youtube and went from Wizards of Waverly Place (Disney - featuring Selena Gomez) - to Robin Thicke's Blurred Line video, in just a few clicks.

He closed it - but we have become more careful and put parental controls in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least it's not gay porn

So true. It could be worse, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least it's not gay porn

So true. It could be worse, OP.

Are you being serious? Is it because it's pornography with gay men? Or is gay pornography more graphic because it's two men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a thirteen year old kid. He thinks about sex a LOT. He's going to look at porn if it's available.

You need to decide whether you can live with his access to internet porn or not. That's your parenting decision.

If you decide not to take internet away, I would have a discussion (or have your DH do it) about the nature of porn and how it doesn't represent real life, what it could mean to be one of those women in the porn industry, sexual health and diseases, etc.

This. Sexual curiosity is completely normal. Porn is not. Many may disagree with me but Intheinkmthe terible rash of drunken rapes being taped on cell phones like it is nothing is due to easy access porn at a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, firstly, 13 is not too young to be searching out porn. Secondly, I think you and DH should both talk with your son, either individually or together. Eye contact for embarrassing discussions is very hard, so don't insist - talking while driving in the car is a good time. Thirdly, I would stress to DH that porn is acting. Yes, they're really having sex, but this is NOT at ALL an accurate representation of what sex looks like between two people who greatly care for each other. Explain to him that often these people are meeting each other just a half hour before they start shooting. That they are hired because they have bodies that look the way they do naked - so most men don't have such big penises and most women don't have such big breasts (and that there are a LOT of implants involved in porn). Explain that when "regular people" have sex, there's a TON more emotion involved. Porn stars have sex with their costars and walk away at the end of a four-hour shoot to never talk again, unless they are paired up to work together again. In regular life, you have sex with someone you want to make love to, and since you want to make love to that person, you will want them to be in your lives. I'd also explain that in porn videos, they STOP ROLLING multiple times to fix things, and that doesn't happen in real life. They stop to fix hair, stop to move lighting, tell people where to put their limbs in order to get the best shots, etc.

Basically, I would break down porn and pull back the curtain on it to make it seem less magical and perfect. I'd stress that all the relationships are business relationships involving sex, and how there are no feelings involved, no emotion. These people are not buying each other birthday cards, or talking late at night about their hopes and dreams. They're not encouraging each other to study hard for tests, and do kind things for their moms. They're just ... having sex. For money.

+1 Very, VERY well said PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may very well already be sexually active. Do you have frequent communication with the parents of the kids he hangs with? Do you know his friends that well? Time to devote much more time to your son and eventually try to get to know where his head is. (Yeah, it could easily be in some girl's mouth when you least expect. Sorry.)
Does he get on the school bus? Is he on his own after school?

I think that is highly unlikely and trust me I'm not a parent that has her head stuck in the sand. My own cousin got pregnant when she was 12. He is driven to school and after school he walks two blocks to my husband and is always there within 10 mins. Most of the friends he spends time with outside of school are kids he has known since elementary schools so I know the kids and parents well. I know anything is possible but I'm not concerned that he is sexually active.

Not being snarky, but kids are having sex during school now. In good schools. When there is a bathroom, a locker room, 5 minutes, and a way, this is happening.

Ideally he is not, but you MUST consider the possibility.

-Parent of an older teen - I wish this wasn't right, but it is accurate information.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to say to my about to turn 13 dd. and I'm the dad. I know she is interested in boys tho. Sorry. Don't mean to derail the thread, this is just what comes to mind After reading all your comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to say to my about to turn 13 dd. and I'm the dad. I know she is interested in boys tho. Sorry. Don't mean to derail the thread, this is just what comes to mind After reading all your comments.

Keep an open dialogue.

Also, early on, introduce her to the concept of Good, Better, Best and NEVER.

Best: Abstinence till Marriage

Better: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 2 Forms of Birth Control (Because one WILL fail)

Best: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 1 Form of Birth Control with STD protection (Condoms)

NEVER: Sex with no birth control or sex with no STD protection.

Look, it would be ideal if she would stick with Best, but by outlining the Good, Better, Best, NEVER list, you increase the chances she will not have an unplanned pregnancy or STD if she goes off track.

Also, periods are sometimes irregular. At some point, you might want to make it more "convenient" by putting her on the pill; she will have a period every 28 days. You don't need to disclose that your ulterior motive is keeping her at the "Best" level of the list.

-Parent who is trying her damndest not to be a grandparent before her time. Would be nice if I didn't have to use any of the above tactics, but my child is a risk taker, and I'm playing the hand I'm dealt, not the one I wish I had.

[Anonymous]

You and your husband should sit down with your son and watch porn together. That would cure him.

[Anonymous]

22:34 here: typed too fast - should read:

Best: Abstinence till Marriage

Better: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 2 Forms of Birth Control (Because one WILL fail)

Good (Really - should refer to as bad or some other descriptor other than good): Sex in a Committed Relationship with 1 Form of Birth Control with STD protection (Condoms)

NEVER: Sex with no birth control or sex with no STD protection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may very well already be sexually active. Do you have frequent communication with the parents of the kids he hangs with? Do you know his friends that well? Time to devote much more time to your son and eventually try to get to know where his head is. (Yeah, it could easily be in some girl's mouth when you least expect. Sorry.)
Does he get on the school bus? Is he on his own after school?

Please. He is not sexually active unless you are talking about his right hand.