My 13 year old looking at porn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You lie. You are completely full of shit.

Good heavens, how can you possibly know this? You don't know me. Now perhaps you think, "Any normal, reasonable person would be appalled to find out that their child is gay, because ick". But as an adult, you must surely have learned by now that normal, reasonable people can have very different opinions on all kinds of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You lie. You are completely full of shit.

Good heavens, how can you possibly know this? You don't know me. Now perhaps you think, "Any normal, reasonable person would be appalled to find out that their child is gay, because ick". But as an adult, you must surely have learned by now that normal, reasonable people can have very different opinions on all kinds of things.

No, I think that it is completely ABNORMAL for you to imply that most ordinary parents wouldn't be surprised or disappointed to learn a child was gay.

I'm also a little shocked that THIS would be acceptable for some people but viewing porn is not. So many mixed messages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You lie. You are completely full of shit.

Good heavens, how can you possibly know this? You don't know me. Now perhaps you think, "Any normal, reasonable person would be appalled to find out that their child is gay, because ick". But as an adult, you must surely have learned by now that normal, reasonable people can have very different opinions on all kinds of things.

No, I think that it is completely ABNORMAL for you to imply that most ordinary parents wouldn't be surprised or disappointed to learn a child was gay.

I'm also a little shocked that THIS would be acceptable for some people but viewing porn is not. So many mixed messages.

New poster. I would be surprised, but not the slightest bit "disappointed", if one of boys were gay.

[Anonymous]

I did not imply anything about "most ordinary parents". I said that I would not be upset to find out that my child was gay (but would be upset to find out that my child was a bigot). I don't think I'm an extraordinary parent, but ok, maybe I am.

Also, how do you know what I think about the acceptability of viewing porn?

[Anonymous]

I would be sad and sick if it was gay porn and try to find out who molested him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Bacterial infections don't lead to babies. Sex does.

I'm not following this. Having a baby is worse than having a bacterial infection? Or...?

I'm not the PP, but I'm guessing that the objection was to putting one's child on prophylactic medication. I.e., antibiotics for in case the child gets a bacterial infection; oral contraceptives for in case the child has the kind of sex that can lead to pregnancy.

????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, firstly, 13 is not too young to be searching out porn. Secondly, I think you and DH should both talk with your son, either individually or together. Eye contact for embarrassing discussions is very hard, so don't insist - talking while driving in the car is a good time. Thirdly, I would stress to DH that porn is acting. Yes, they're really having sex, but this is NOT at ALL an accurate representation of what sex looks like between two people who greatly care for each other. Explain to him that often these people are meeting each other just a half hour before they start shooting. That they are hired because they have bodies that look the way they do naked - so most men don't have such big penises and most women don't have such big breasts (and that there are a LOT of implants involved in porn). Explain that when "regular people" have sex, there's a TON more emotion involved. Porn stars have sex with their costars and walk away at the end of a four-hour shoot to never talk again, unless they are paired up to work together again. In regular life, you have sex with someone you want to make love to, and since you want to make love to that person, you will want them to be in your lives. I'd also explain that in porn videos, they STOP ROLLING multiple times to fix things, and that doesn't happen in real life. They stop to fix hair, stop to move lighting, tell people where to put their limbs in order to get the best shots, etc.

Basically, I would break down porn and pull back the curtain on it to make it seem less magical and perfect. I'd stress that all the relationships are business relationships involving sex, and how there are no feelings involved, no emotion. These people are not buying each other birthday cards, or talking late at night about their hopes and dreams. They're not encouraging each other to study hard for tests, and do kind things for their moms. They're just ... having sex. For money.

ITA. We've had this same convo with our 11 year old son and 13 yro dd. The other piece we added was that looking at porn on the internet can get you into trouble. As in, I would be fired from my job if I was looking at porn at work. And that many porn sites are simply enticements to get you to infect your computer with a virus. We told our kids that it was completely normal and natural to be curious about sex, etc. But that the internet was not a good place to learn about sex. They each have age-appropriate books that are honest and frank about human sexuality, and we make it a point to be open to any kind of conversation. Kids don't have the capacity to think about other repercussions of internet porn. It makes me almost wish for the Playboy days. But again, not a realistic portrayal of sex bodies. We have all kinds of blocks and safety stuff on our computers, and our kids don't have smart phones or iPads. Just assume that given the opportunity, they are going to look!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, firstly, 13 is not too young to be searching out porn. Secondly, I think you and DH should both talk with your son, either individually or together. Eye contact for embarrassing discussions is very hard, so don't insist - talking while driving in the car is a good time. Thirdly, I would stress to DH that porn is acting. Yes, they're really having sex, but this is NOT at ALL an accurate representation of what sex looks like between two people who greatly care for each other. Explain to him that often these people are meeting each other just a half hour before they start shooting. That they are hired because they have bodies that look the way they do naked - so most men don't have such big penises and most women don't have such big breasts (and that there are a LOT of implants involved in porn). Explain that when "regular people" have sex, there's a TON more emotion involved. Porn stars have sex with their costars and walk away at the end of a four-hour shoot to never talk again, unless they are paired up to work together again. In regular life, you have sex with someone you want to make love to, and since you want to make love to that person, you will want them to be in your lives. I'd also explain that in porn videos, they STOP ROLLING multiple times to fix things, and that doesn't happen in real life. They stop to fix hair, stop to move lighting, tell people where to put their limbs in order to get the best shots, etc.

Basically, I would break down porn and pull back the curtain on it to make it seem less magical and perfect. I'd stress that all the relationships are business relationships involving sex, and how there are no feelings involved, no emotion. These people are not buying each other birthday cards, or talking late at night about their hopes and dreams. They're not encouraging each other to study hard for tests, and do kind things for their moms. They're just ... having sex. For money.

ITA. We've had this same convo with our 11 year old son and 13 yro dd. The other piece we added was that looking at porn on the internet can get you into trouble. As in, I would be fired from my job if I was looking at porn at work. And that many porn sites are simply enticements to get you to infect your computer with a virus. We told our kids that it was completely normal and natural to be curious about sex, etc. But that the internet was not a good place to learn about sex. They each have age-appropriate books that are honest and frank about human sexuality, and we make it a point to be open to any kind of conversation. Kids don't have the capacity to think about other repercussions of internet porn. It makes me almost wish for the Playboy days. But again, not a realistic portrayal of sex bodies. We have all kinds of blocks and safety stuff on our computers, and our kids don't have smart phones or iPads. Just assume that given the opportunity, they are going to look!

OP here, thanks for your replies. Lots of good points!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Bacterial infections don't lead to babies. Sex does.

I'm not following this. Having a baby is worse than having a bacterial infection? Or...?

I'm not the PP, but I'm guessing that the objection was to putting one's child on prophylactic medication. I.e., antibiotics for in case the child gets a bacterial infection; oral contraceptives for in case the child has the kind of sex that can lead to pregnancy.

Yes, a teen having a baby is much worse than a teen having an infection.

Yes, we are talking about using medication for preventative purposes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Bacterial infections don't lead to babies. Sex does.

I'm not following this. Having a baby is worse than having a bacterial infection? Or...?

I'm not the PP, but I'm guessing that the objection was to putting one's child on prophylactic medication. I.e., antibiotics for in case the child gets a bacterial infection; oral contraceptives for in case the child has the kind of sex that can lead to pregnancy.

????

Intercourse.

[Anonymous]

i dotn see an issue with this, if you "talk" to him about or approach him then he might fell a bit weirded out and shin you bit, and also this talk about 13 yo with smart phones is nonsense ALL 13 year olds have smartphones, dont take that away from him. Also if you tell him not to watch it or take it away it will just make him want ti blight you and do it even more.

[Anonymous]

And also if he finds out you have been snopping through his phone and personal life he will be mad and he wont trust you, so i would just leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

one thing that you should take note of is that he is probabaly very well educated on the topic of sex (sexual positions, implant terms etc.) because i am sure some friend of some friend told him this, and nowadays they teach it in school.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]let him be. He will make the right decision soon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Bacterial infections don't lead to babies. Sex does.

I'm not following this. Having a baby is worse than having a bacterial infection? Or...?

I'm not the PP, but I'm guessing that the objection was to putting one's child on prophylactic medication. I.e., antibiotics for in case the child gets a bacterial infection; oral contraceptives for in case the child has the kind of sex that can lead to pregnancy.

BIrth control pills are the very definition of prophylactic medication - they are designed to be taken long term to prevent something from happening! Antibiotics really aren't supposed to be used "just in case" and bad things can happen (resistance) If they are overprescribed for that purpose. Two very different scenarios.