My 13 year old looking at porn

[Anonymous]

Was checking his cell phone history and it looks like he did some google search on a name that brought up search results like "50 most popular porn stars" and such. He seems to have googled this name, which is obviously a porn star, several times and looked at videos. I haven't actually clicked to open the sites yet, but I will.

Looking for advice on how to handle this. First, I know teens are going to find and look at porn, but isn't this a bit young? Also, I don't want him forming ideas about sexual relationships based on porn, its just unrealistic.

My husband said I should talk to him, but I think it will be less embarassing for my son if my hubby does it. I think my husband should let him know that if he ever has questions about sex he can feel free to ask either of us, or we can buy him a book if he prefers, but that internet porn is not a realistic avenue to learn about sex. And also that it is inappropriate for him to be looking at it. Any other points we should make?

And now, as for the phone I'm deciding what I should do. Are there parental controls that can be used for the phone internet? The only other alternative is remove internet acccess from his phone. I don't want to over-react but I do want to take advantage of this opportunity to openpup some dialogue with my son on the topic. Would appreciate hearing from anyone who has btdt.

[Anonymous]

Why does your 13 yo have a smart phone at all?

[Anonymous]

I don't see anything wrong with a 13 year old getting curious and clicking on a site. I wouldn't even discuss it with him.

[Anonymous]

I am not asking for opinions on whether or not my son should have a smart phone. I am also not looking to start a debate about it. I understand people have different opinions on the topic and I respect others' choices even when they are different than mine and I hope that you can show me the same respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not asking for opinions on whether or not my son should have a smart phone. I am also not looking to start a debate about it. I understand people have different opinions on the topic and I respect others' choices even when they are different than mine and I hope that you can show me the same respect.

Well, then I think you're dodging the issue. This isn't a matter of debate: Your 13 yo should not have a smart phone, period. Evidence in point: He uses it to look at porn. Case rested. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not asking for opinions on whether or not my son should have a smart phone. I am also not looking to start a debate about it. I understand people have different opinions on the topic and I respect others' choices even when they are different than mine and I hope that you can show me the same respect.

I wasn't that poster but seriously, when you post your BS on an anonymous site, expect to get judged.

[Anonymous]

BOTH you and your husband need to talk with him together about this. I cannot imagine why your husband is pawning this off on you.

He needs to hear that curiosity about sex is perfectly normal and that you and his father are there to answer questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BOTH you and your husband need to talk with him together about this. I cannot imagine why your husband is pawning this off on you.

He needs to hear that curiosity about sex is perfectly normal and that you and his father are there to answer questions.

That is so embarrassing for a 13 year old. Mom and dad approaching him about him being caught looking at porn.

[Anonymous]

He may very well already be sexually active. Do you have frequent communication with the parents of the kids he hangs with? Do you know his friends that well? Time to devote much more time to your son and eventually try to get to know where his head is. (Yeah, it could easily be in some girl's mouth when you least expect. Sorry.)
Does he get on the school bus? Is he on his own after school?

[Anonymous]

I like everything you said about having a conversation with him and, without shaming him for his natural curiosity, explain to him that porn is not realistic and open the lines of communication. I don't think you should tell him never to look at it though, because he will. Set reasonable time limits on his internet use, as in, between 11pm and 7 am he should be up in his room and the phone should be charging downstairs, and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not asking for opinions on whether or not my son should have a smart phone. I am also not looking to start a debate about it. I understand people have different opinions on the topic and I respect others' choices even when they are different than mine and I hope that you can show me the same respect.

I wasn't that poster but seriously, when you post your BS on an anonymous site, expect to get judged.

I'm OP and you are right. I guess my point is I'm not really interested in others opinions on it or a debate so of course posters can feel free to debate away amongst themselves, I dont plan to debate it with anyine. I never have before when these type of discilussions come up, whether I agree or not, and I dont plan o it now.. I however am interested in advice on how to handle the situation at hand, not what could have been done differently in the past. And I disagree that this is "BS".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BOTH you and your husband need to talk with him together about this. I cannot imagine why your husband is pawning this off on you.

He needs to hear that curiosity about sex is perfectly normal and that you and his father are there to answer questions.

That is so embarrassing for a 13 year old. Mom and dad approaching him about him being caught looking at porn.

So what's your response PP? And please share how old your children are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not asking for opinions on whether or not my son should have a smart phone. I am also not looking to start a debate about it. I understand people have different opinions on the topic and I respect others' choices even when they are different than mine and I hope that you can show me the same respect.

I wasn't that poster but seriously, when you post your BS on an anonymous site, expect to get judged.

I'm OP and you are right. I guess my point is I'm not really interested in others opinions on it or a debate so of course posters can feel free to debate away amongst themselves, I dont plan to debate it with anyine. I never have before when these type of discilussions come up, whether I agree or not, and I dont plan o it now.. I however am interested in advice on how to handle the situation at hand, not what could have been done differently in the past. And I disagree that this is "BS".

You aren't leaving it alone though. I too think the no Internet on the phone would have been smart. You fail to take in positive advice. It's not that you could have done that, it's that you still can do it. A 13 year old does not need Internet on his phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BOTH you and your husband need to talk with him together about this. I cannot imagine why your husband is pawning this off on you.

He needs to hear that curiosity about sex is perfectly normal and that you and his father are there to answer questions.

That is so embarrassing for a 13 year old. Mom and dad approaching him about him being caught looking at porn.

So what's your response PP? And please share how old your children are.

I can lie about the age of my children on the Internet so that's a useless question to ask. I already responded to the question as well.

[Anonymous]

Mom of a 12 year old here--yeah, a 13 year old has no need for Internet on his phone. Disable it.