My 13 year old looking at porn

[Anonymous]

Thx 2234 signed. Dad of dd (almost 13)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at all the posters who are so non-chalant about a young teen watching Internet porn. There is a HUGE difference between hiding a playboy magazine under your mattress and watching hard-core porn. Normal interests? Of course! But many if not most of the actors in the porn industry have been victims of sexual abuse (and drug abuse) themselves. I think it's important to talk with your young teen about exploitation and the cycle of abuse perpetuated by that industry. It's not damnable but it's far from okay to let it go without explaining that much of it is not everyday human sexual behavior either, IMO. Good luck OP.

+1

It is normal to be interested in sex, naked pics, etc. But there is nothing "normal" about 13-year-old boys watching hard-core porn video.

If nothing else, porn websites are notorious sources for malware, viruses, etc.

I would waste no time in telling my son my personal feelings about the porn industry. I would tell him that an interest in sex is normal, that finding those videos interesting and exciting is normal as well but that IMO they present a completely distorted and inappropriate view of sex and sexuality and so it is my job as his parent to make sure his access to them is limited. Then I would ensure that all access to the internet in my home was in public spaces where viewing porn secretly would be difficult. That means getting rid of the smart phone.

(If it matters, I have a 15-year-old son. He does not have internet access on his phone.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may very well already be sexually active. Do you have frequent communication with the parents of the kids he hangs with? Do you know his friends that well? Time to devote much more time to your son and eventually try to get to know where his head is. (Yeah, it could easily be in some girl's mouth when you least expect. Sorry.)
Does he get on the school bus? Is he on his own after school?

Please. He is not sexually active unless you are talking about his right hand.

Denial

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may very well already be sexually active. Do you have frequent communication with the parents of the kids he hangs with? Do you know his friends that well? Time to devote much more time to your son and eventually try to get to know where his head is. (Yeah, it could easily be in some girl's mouth when you least expect. Sorry.)
Does he get on the school bus? Is he on his own after school?

Please. He is not sexually active unless you are talking about his right hand.

Denial

Statistically, only 10% of 13 year olds are sexually active. So while OP should be aware it's a possibility, it's highly improbable. Don't act like its a given.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to say to my about to turn 13 dd. and I'm the dad. I know she is interested in boys tho. Sorry. Don't mean to derail the thread, this is just what comes to mind After reading all your comments.

Keep an open dialogue.

Also, early on, introduce her to the concept of Good, Better, Best and NEVER.

Best: Abstinence till Marriage

Better: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 2 Forms of Birth Control (Because one WILL fail)

Best: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 1 Form of Birth Control with STD protection (Condoms)

NEVER: Sex with no birth control or sex with no STD protection.

Look, it would be ideal if she would stick with Best, but by outlining the Good, Better, Best, NEVER list, you increase the chances she will not have an unplanned pregnancy or STD if she goes off track.

Also, periods are sometimes irregular. At some point, you might want to make it more "convenient" by putting her on the pill; she will have a period every 28 days. You don't need to disclose that your ulterior motive is keeping her at the "Best" level of the list.

-Parent who is trying her damndest not to be a grandparent before her time. Would be nice if I didn't have to use any of the above tactics, but my child is a risk taker, and I'm playing the hand I'm dealt, not the one I wish I had.

Disagree with the bolded part. Would you put your dd on antibiotics, just in case? Why do you think it's ok to put her on bcp?

[Anonymous]

I just read an article in macleans magazine that said something like 90% of kids now look at porn before age 12. Scary stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Disagree with the bolded part. Would you put your dd on antibiotics, just in case? Why do you think it's ok to put her on bcp?

I agree. I find this alarming. I also find the "ulterior motive" business creepy, especially because I fail to understand how putting a teenager on oral contraceptives would encourage her to remain abstinent until marriage. Unless the PP is thinking that the oral contraceptives will lower her libido (a common side effect)? If so, I find this creepy as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to say to my about to turn 13 dd. and I'm the dad. I know she is interested in boys tho. Sorry. Don't mean to derail the thread, this is just what comes to mind After reading all your comments.

Keep an open dialogue.

Also, early on, introduce her to the concept of Good, Better, Best and NEVER.

Best: Abstinence till Marriage

Better: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 2 Forms of Birth Control (Because one WILL fail)

Best: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 1 Form of Birth Control with STD protection (Condoms)

NEVER: Sex with no birth control or sex with no STD protection.

Look, it would be ideal if she would stick with Best, but by outlining the Good, Better, Best, NEVER list, you increase the chances she will not have an unplanned pregnancy or STD if she goes off track.

Also, periods are sometimes irregular. At some point, you might want to make it more "convenient" by putting her on the pill; she will have a period every 28 days. You don't need to disclose that your ulterior motive is keeping her at the "Best" level of the list.

-Parent who is trying her damndest not to be a grandparent before her time. Would be nice if I didn't have to use any of the above tactics, but my child is a risk taker, and I'm playing the hand I'm dealt, not the one I wish I had.

Disagree with the bolded part. Would you put your dd on antibiotics, just in case? Why do you think it's ok to put her on bcp?

Bacterial infections don't lead to babies. Sex does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least it's not gay porn

So true. It could be worse, OP.

Are you being serious? Is it because it's pornography with gay men? Or is gay pornography more graphic because it's two men?

This. No one wants to find out their kid is gay. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to say to my about to turn 13 dd. and I'm the dad. I know she is interested in boys tho. Sorry. Don't mean to derail the thread, this is just what comes to mind After reading all your comments.

Keep an open dialogue.

Also, early on, introduce her to the concept of Good, Better, Best and NEVER.

Best: Abstinence till Marriage

Better: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 2 Forms of Birth Control (Because one WILL fail)

Best: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 1 Form of Birth Control with STD protection (Condoms)

NEVER: Sex with no birth control or sex with no STD protection.

Look, it would be ideal if she would stick with Best, but by outlining the Good, Better, Best, NEVER list, you increase the chances she will not have an unplanned pregnancy or STD if she goes off track.

Also, periods are sometimes irregular. At some point, you might want to make it more "convenient" by putting her on the pill; she will have a period every 28 days. You don't need to disclose that your ulterior motive is keeping her at the "Best" level of the list.

-Parent who is trying her damndest not to be a grandparent before her time. Would be nice if I didn't have to use any of the above tactics, but my child is a risk taker, and I'm playing the hand I'm dealt, not the one I wish I had.

The problem with the list is each of those is in direct inverse of sex on the thrill scale.

I.e., your "best" is boring and loser territory for a teen. Your better is also boring. Your NEVER is the most exciting and feels the best. So, that's the inherent flaw in your advice, however sound it may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to say to my about to turn 13 dd. and I'm the dad. I know she is interested in boys tho. Sorry. Don't mean to derail the thread, this is just what comes to mind After reading all your comments.

Keep an open dialogue.

Also, early on, introduce her to the concept of Good, Better, Best and NEVER.

Best: Abstinence till Marriage

Better: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 2 Forms of Birth Control (Because one WILL fail)

Best: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 1 Form of Birth Control with STD protection (Condoms)

NEVER: Sex with no birth control or sex with no STD protection.

Look, it would be ideal if she would stick with Best, but by outlining the Good, Better, Best, NEVER list, you increase the chances she will not have an unplanned pregnancy or STD if she goes off track.

Also, periods are sometimes irregular. At some point, you might want to make it more "convenient" by putting her on the pill; she will have a period every 28 days. You don't need to disclose that your ulterior motive is keeping her at the "Best" level of the list.

-Parent who is trying her damndest not to be a grandparent before her time. Would be nice if I didn't have to use any of the above tactics, but my child is a risk taker, and I'm playing the hand I'm dealt, not the one I wish I had.

The problem with the list is each of those is in direct inverse of sex on the thrill scale.

I.e., your "best" is boring and loser territory for a teen. Your better is also boring. Your NEVER is the most exciting and feels the best. So, that's the inherent flaw in your advice, however sound it may be.

So what do you propose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to say to my about to turn 13 dd. and I'm the dad. I know she is interested in boys tho. Sorry. Don't mean to derail the thread, this is just what comes to mind After reading all your comments.

Keep an open dialogue.

Also, early on, introduce her to the concept of Good, Better, Best and NEVER.

Best: Abstinence till Marriage

Better: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 2 Forms of Birth Control (Because one WILL fail)

Best: Sex in a Committed Relationship with 1 Form of Birth Control with STD protection (Condoms)

NEVER: Sex with no birth control or sex with no STD protection.

Look, it would be ideal if she would stick with Best, but by outlining the Good, Better, Best, NEVER list, you increase the chances she will not have an unplanned pregnancy or STD if she goes off track.

Also, periods are sometimes irregular. At some point, you might want to make it more "convenient" by putting her on the pill; she will have a period every 28 days. You don't need to disclose that your ulterior motive is keeping her at the "Best" level of the list.

-Parent who is trying her damndest not to be a grandparent before her time. Would be nice if I didn't have to use any of the above tactics, but my child is a risk taker, and I'm playing the hand I'm dealt, not the one I wish I had.

Disagree with the bolded part. Would you put your dd on antibiotics, just in case? Why do you think it's ok to put her on bcp?

Because antibiotics and BCP are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MEDICATIONS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least it's not gay porn

So true. It could be worse, OP.

Are you being serious? Is it because it's pornography with gay men? Or is gay pornography more graphic because it's two men?

This. No one wants to find out their kid is gay. Ugh.

Actually, it wouldn't bother me to find out that my kid is gay. It would bother me to find out that my kid is a bigot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least it's not gay porn

So true. It could be worse, OP.

Are you being serious? Is it because it's pornography with gay men? Or is gay pornography more graphic because it's two men?

This. No one wants to find out their kid is gay. Ugh.

Actually, it wouldn't bother me to find out that my kid is gay. It would bother me to find out that my kid is a bigot.

You lie. You are completely full of shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Bacterial infections don't lead to babies. Sex does.

I'm not following this. Having a baby is worse than having a bacterial infection? Or...?

I'm not the PP, but I'm guessing that the objection was to putting one's child on prophylactic medication. I.e., antibiotics for in case the child gets a bacterial infection; oral contraceptives for in case the child has the kind of sex that can lead to pregnancy.