Awkward – neighbors overheard me talk about their DC

[Anonymous]

OP - your comment was mean. calling a kid ridiculous? i can guarantee you that your neighbor was calling your baby "tiny" with the same mean sentiment as you. most people call babies "tiny" as they are so small compared to what they see on a day to day basis. it is just amazing to see. there are no ulterior motivations on a kid's health.

i would ignore it but this should be a lesson. it is what it is, in the sense that i suspect you aren't sorry you said ot, but sorry you were overheard.

just be a nicer person in the future.

[Anonymous]

i meant you neighbor was *not* calling your kid tiny with the same mean sentiment.

[Anonymous]

OP, I mean this in the kindest possible way: given the intensity of your emotions surrounding your child's size, you may want to consider talking to a professional about this issue. I'm not minimizing what you went through during your pregnancy and premie birth, but if you can't hear the word tiny without feeling the need to lash out, about a child no less, then you are going to have a long, hard road of parenting. You may have a bit of postpartum or some specific anxieties related to your difficult pregnancy, and a good therapist can probably help you focus on the positive outcome rather than the stresses along the way. And btw one of the best rules of parenting is to own up to your mistakes so that you don't repeat them. Your followup is full of justifications for why you didn't intend any malice toward the neighbor's child. But you never really acknowledge that whatever you may (or may not) have intended, your words weren't kind or appropriate.

[Anonymous]

You need to get a grip. If your kid is small, then you should expect folks to comment on his small size (albeit in a nice "he's so cute and tiny" way). How would anyone know he was a preemie? They weren't being rude or cruel...you just felt that way bc you are hyper sensitive about your child's size (albeit for a valid reason). You, on the other hand, made a cruel remark about the other child for no good reason. Hopefully they didn't hear you. Just try to be nice next time. You see, kids come in all shapes, colors, and sizes, and we should celebrate that.

Signed,
Mother of four (2 big guys and 2 peanuts)

[Anonymous]

Guess I'm in the minority. What you said was mean.
You could mentioned well my kid was preemie and he's grown so big and health. Instead you pent it up and it came out and yes these people will never be your friends.
So lesson learned. Moving on.

[Anonymous]

As the Mom of a preemie born at less than 2 lbs. and who spent months in the NICU, I do understand OP. I recall all too well how you worry for your baby in ways that other parents can not even imagine. Comments offered innocently (as your neighbors were) can take on volumes of painful meanings.

But here is the thing ... it is all how you look at it. You have a choice. People constantly commented on how tiny my guy was and each time it made me smile. I proudly answered their comments with the truth, "Yes, he is tiny and he is a fighter"! OP, let your pride for your child come through loud and clear. Don't dwell on the negatives (for you must be to have your neighbors comments bother you so much). Our babies are survivors. I am still so flipp'n proud of my kid and all he has overcome.

[Anonymous]

When people call a baby small or tiny many times the kid really isn't even tiny...it's just something people say about little babies...and it usually stops once the kid starts walking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When people call a baby small or tiny many times the kid really isn't even tiny...it's just something people say about little babies...and it usually stops once the kid starts walking.

So true. I have a premie kid who is still in the less than first percentile for height and weight at ten years old and it has never occurred to me that calling a baby tiny was offensive in any way. I don't even find it offensive when people say it now about him.

[Anonymous]

My last baby was ten pounds at birth and it's a 50-50 split on comments: some people say he's tiny, while others say he's huge. All baby humans appear tiny compared with older folks, right? One of my babies was super chunky as an infant and some folks would comment how big and chubby he was. It never bothered me...he was big and chubby...and adorable and perfect. You need to stop internalizing comments about your kid and blowing them way out of proportion.

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between saying "he's so tiny" and "he's so big" (often said nicely and in a complimentary tone) and "he's ridiculous".

I feel like you may have some issues and insecurity about your child's size, OP. And you have no reason to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the Mom of a preemie born at less than 2 lbs. and who spent months in the NICU, I do understand OP. I recall all too well how you worry for your baby in ways that other parents can not even imagine. Comments offered innocently (as your neighbors were) can take on volumes of painful meanings.

But here is the thing ... it is all how you look at it. You have a choice. People constantly commented on how tiny my guy was and each time it made me smile. I proudly answered their comments with the truth, "Yes, he is tiny and he is a fighter"! OP, let your pride for your child come through loud and clear. Don't dwell on the negatives (for you must be to have your neighbors comments bother you so much). Our babies are survivors. I am still so flipp'n proud of my kid and all he has overcome.

PP, I admire your positive outlook and I think you gave great advice. I had an experience more like the OP did, though, and I'm going to share it here so she knows she's not the only one who has a hard time with this.

When I brought my daughter home after 2 agonizing months of hospital bedrest and terrifying ups and downs, she was about 5 pounds. On the very rare occasions we ventured out, I heard "tiny" over and over again, and it stung --I felt much like how the OP has described. And I also heard people say things that were more pointed and hurtful (to me) and to be honest, OP, it sounds like I handled it way worse than you did. A waitress in a restaurant took a look at my daughter and said, "Oooh, that baby is a preemie, what happened to you?" A woman at the pediatrician whispered to her friend, "I've never seen a baby that small." And every time it sent me over the edge. I didn't make any foot in mouth comments, but I fled the scene and bawled for a good while and I know I really overreacted. But you know what? Sometimes things hurt, and you can't change that fact. My kid is two now, and I am still not okay with what we went through and where it left me emotionally.

To all the people who are telling her to get over it, well, if only it were that easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guess I'm in the minority. What you said was mean.
You could mentioned well my kid was preemie and he's grown so big and health. Instead you pent it up and it came out and yes these people will never be your friends.
So lesson learned. Moving on.

Nope. I am the poster that made OP's day. DH and I loved this stuff...people comparing our son to world's strongest man, baby hulk, 'Jeezus he's a tank. We said it ourselves. Friends said it to our faces. We ate it up. He was the talk of his preschool. I'd laugh ,y *ss if I overheard somebody refer to his size as ridiculous. At 8- he's normal size. .. A bit tall, very athletic..but has guns and pecs already.

[Anonymous]

I never knew having a small or "tiny" baby was such a source of anxiety for people. If your baby is healthy who cares?! I understand your sensitive because it was a struggle to get your baby out of the nicu, but you have to let it go now. Your child will catch up. I cone from a family of freakishly small people. I was 4lbs 6oz full term, I'm 4'10 as an adult. My mom is 4'6. My future children won't be that big. I will probably have tiny children. I guess I've never equated health with size, we were all perfectly healthy ridiculously small babies and my children will probably be the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and PPs, it is NOT "hurtful" or "clueless" to call a 9lb infant tiny. It is an objective fact. If you're sensitive about it, that's on you, and you probably better deal with it, because so long as you're holding an infant in your arms, someone is going to use the word tiny, and 99 percent of the time they will intend it to mean "wow, a very new baby, how amazing." If they said things like, gee are you feeding him enough? that would be hurtful. But otherwise, you are just projecting.

Conversely, it's hard to imagine that calling a 18m old "ridiculous" because of his/her size can be interpreted in any manner other than derisive. Not outrageous, but obviously a bit mocking and critical. So OP, don't try to whitewash the fact that you - not your neighbors - screwed up here by telling us that you didn't mean anything by it. Accept responsibility and then move on, and try to find a healthier way to deal with your angst about your child's size and/or premie status than making sarcastic comments about other kids.

+1 Agreed. Your remarks were most definitely mean spirited and from what you said, her's were not said in a critical way. Hopefully she didn't hear you, I know I would feel hurt by hearing that my neighbor thought my child looked ridiculous.

Completely agree with this! Your remarks were hurtful, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never knew having a small or "tiny" baby was such a source of anxiety for people. If your baby is healthy who cares?! I understand your sensitive because it was a struggle to get your baby out of the nicu, but you have to let it go now. Your child will catch up. I cone from a family of freakishly small people. I was 4lbs 6oz full term, I'm 4'10 as an adult. My mom is 4'6. My future children won't be that big. I will probably have tiny children. I guess I've never equated health with size, we were all perfectly healthy ridiculously small babies and my children will probably be the same

But your experience is completely different. Some of us have babies who are small and not healthy, and we're not petite people either.