Single mom, 34 and twice divorced...will my stats scare potential mates?

[Anonymous]

Why the bashing on OP? So she had two marriages that didn't work out. Doesn't mean she is now destined to forever be alone and not find someone again to be happy with in the future. I sense bitterness from some pp's own lives.

OP, to be honest, yes, with your young age, two divorces come off in a negative light. Don't feel you have to explain yourself everytime you meet a guy though. If someone is strictly looking at stats, and not what's underneath, then he isn't worth your time.

[Anonymous]

I think OP has plausible reasons for her divorces. I agree I wouldn't focus on dating or men right now. But, playing devils advocate, lets say your chances are zero. If you would live your life differently then I would proceed in that direction and be pleasantly surprised if you find someone down the road.

I do think folks are being harsh. Shit happens. Just learn and move on.

[Anonymous]

23 for first marriage that lasted 5.5 years,
29 at second marriage?

Tell us, OP, how long did you date #2 before getting married?

Either I smell a troll or read a woman who, after years of puported therapy, has zero sense of her own fallibilities and clearly is more motivated by male validation than by the emotional health of her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that once your story comes out, it will be less likely to scare men away. The problem is the twice-divorced part might come out before the whole explanation as you don't want to get into the sordid details of past relationships right upon meeting someone.

If your marriages ended because you 'grew apart' or 'made a bad choice' or 'just didn't want to be married anymore' or 'irreconcilable differences' then those are huge red flags. You don't have those. Your first husband had a mental illness that you both worked hard to address - you didn't just bail. The second marriage ended because of his infidelity - again not necessarily anything to do with you.

Yes, but what is the common factor in both scenarios? OP, and her choices. Choices are generally based on needs/ desires. The fact that OP is already worried about this issue, with all of the problems she claims to be sorting through, plus a 15 month old to take care of, says that she is no where near the point where she should be choosing again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:23 for first marriage that lasted 5.5 years,
29 at second marriage?

Tell us, OP, how long did you date #2 before getting married?

Either I smell a troll or read a woman who, after years of puported therapy, has zero sense of her own fallibilities and clearly is more motivated by male validation than by the emotional health of her kids.

My god!

OP, seriously, you married the new guy in six months? And you are already looking to marry guy no 3 after 10 months? Serious question: have you ever been single? Or have you hopped from relationship to relationship and never known who you are?

If so, for goodness sake, TAKE A BREAK. Be single for a bit. You have a kid now. I actually think that picking and marrying two guys who are (1) bipolar and (2) serious cheater and liar is worse than just the typical "we grew apart, he never did housework" scenario. Because the next bipolar compulsive liar whom you attract may not wear it on his sleeve like the others. And your child is now part of this mess. Please, take a break.

[Anonymous]

No. Especially if you are hot .
*hit happens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:23 for first marriage that lasted 5.5 years,
29 at second marriage?

Tell us, OP, how long did you date #2 before getting married?

Either I smell a troll or read a woman who, after years of puported therapy, has zero sense of her own fallibilities and clearly is more motivated by male validation than by the emotional health of her kids.

My god!

OP, seriously, you married the new guy in six months? And you are already looking to marry guy no 3 after 10 months? Serious question: have you ever been single? Or have you hopped from relationship to relationship and never known who you are?

If so, for goodness sake, TAKE A BREAK. Be single for a bit. You have a kid now. I actually think that picking and marrying two guys who are (1) bipolar and (2) serious cheater and liar is worse than just the typical "we grew apart, he never did housework" scenario. Because the next bipolar compulsive liar whom you attract may not wear it on his sleeve like the others. And your child is now part of this mess. Please, take a break.

Don't respond if you can't bother to read the posts.

[Anonymous]

^

I know she isn't literally looking to marry the new guy RIGHT NOW but she is 10 months out and already looking to line someone up. It's too soon.

[Anonymous]

Madonna
Jennifer Lopez

[Anonymous]

OP here: some harsh responses and perspectives, but I asked. Am thankful for those of you who responded with compassion, and those of you who thought otherwise. Am not perfect, and maybe I need more time to learn from my mistakes, but am working on it. Most importantly, and my number one priority these days is my son and ensuring he is happy and healthy.

Thanks for all your thoughts. Many of your comments have provided me with food for thought and a lot of insight.

[Anonymous]

And for the record, there is no guy, am not choosing or looking for anyone. I merely wanted an opinion of what my stats "looked like" or "said."

[Anonymous]

^^^Those of who actually read what you posted were aware that there wasn't a guy #3. Someone was just on their high horse.

OP, I get it. I'm also a single mom of 1. My ex is untreated bipolar. I, too, wondered immediately what my stats looked like, even though I wasn't interested in a committed relationship (let alone marriage) for at least 1-2 years. Instead, I've been dating and working on myself. Your story makes sense and it's unfortunate that things have worked out this way for you.

As a previous posted stated, you're better off just saying that you're a divorced mom. Nobody needs to know initially that you're twice divorced, unlike they ask specifically. It's TMI so soon. Have you done any dating so far? I don't agree with not dating at all, but perhaps you should ban committing to another person for another year or so.

[Anonymous]

OP - I am NP here urging you to ignore all the haters on this thread. My advice is to surround yourself with positive people who bring out the best in you, read the book "Finding the Love to Keep" by Hendrix which talks abotu repetitive dating patterns..... Adn to invest time in your child, your career, other things, and maybe a man will come your way. In the interim, use men for sex and have some fun and don't think about commitments! have some fun. I know it is easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

Simple answer: How attractive are you?

[Anonymous]

Halle Berry