Single mom, 34 and twice divorced...will my stats scare potential mates?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP, it sounds like you've had a rough road, espec. getting separated when 5 months pregnant.

My father, a widower, has been dating someone who is twice-divorced and has been for 3+ years now. He has always admitted to being "circumspect," for lack of a better word, about her 2 divorces, and not understanding or being able to grasp what that must have been like. He definitely expresses sympathy for the difficulty the divorces have caused, how it's effected her kids, etc. I wouldn't say he is totally "scared" by her stats, b/c he is dating her and clearly enjoys her company and has been with her for a number of years. But, I don't think he will ever dive in completely, and he has expressed to my DH that he would never consider marrying her, b/c of her track record. It is too much of a red flag for him. He is, however, much older than you -- in his 60s -- and she is 50ish, so it's a bit of a different mix.

GL to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I wish you luck on your quest for romance and companionship. I think you're brave and am glad that you have been working on yourself.

After I rid my life of my ex-husband, I just focused on improving the lives of my children and decided to fore go dating until my nest was empty. I exercise, etc. and keep up my looks and have returned to school and am really enjoying my life. It's reasonable that you want to find a great guy. Just be clear about your priorities.

And, always, make sure your children are safe, they're really depending on you.

[Anonymous]

her stats arent whats a turn off, its the story behind the stats.

sure theres a sucker for everyone so to assume the OP cant find anyone is absurd. she will have issues landing a "normal" man if she doesnt get her head right and priorities in order.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think people are being a little harsh to you. Whomever among us hasn't made mistakes in life, throw the first stone. I think it's easy for someone to hear "divorced twice" with no real further info (ie without knowing you) and rush to judgment. Things aren't black and white. There's no reason to think you won't find a long term companion or marriage partner at some point later on. But no one can predict the future so you're probably not going to get a lot of help from this post. I agree with others about continuing your therapy, putting your son first, and living your life - and if someone special comes along they'll love you for the whole package, divorce history and all.

[Anonymous]

Why think about remarrying? Is it b/c you need a provider for your child? I am a man. I married right out of colleges - big mistake, fist love. Got divorced at 25 and then remarried at 27 due to getting a GF pregnant. I am planning to end this mistake soon (12 years later), and I do not expect to ever marry again. I will enjoy dating, maybe have a few long term relationships, and hopefully find someone in a decade or two who I want to grow old with - but I see no reason to every marry again.

Btw, I would certainly date someone who has been married twice, but I'll be opposed to marrying anyone.

[Anonymous]

"Btw, I would certainly date someone who has been married twice, but I'll be opposed to marrying anyone. "

Ditto. Widow here. Once was more than enough.

[Anonymous]

You have been divorced for 10 months! Why are you even thinking about dating again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My second husband and I seperated when I was 5 months pregnant. My son is now 15 months old and I have been in therapy since the seperation.

I agree, my selection skills needed readjusting. It is the reason I sought and continue to see a therapist - went from twice weekly in the beginning, to once a month now. I am doing the work.

Then worry about that now. Between that and your child (15 months old???), why in the world are you even thinking about dating? If I were I guy, all of this.... 2 divorces at 34, a 15 month old.... therapy... would be a huge turn off.

[Anonymous]

OP. Just wanted to say "good luck." Shit happens! Who among us made ONLY good choices? Nobody. Sometimes our choices are made clearer looking back. We have to go through the crap to get to the good stuff.

[Anonymous]

You'll be fine if you Are you attractive put out and won't sleep around, men are simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think folks are being a little harsh on the OP. She's been in therapy, she's working on it and she says she's not sure she wants to get married again, just wants to date/find a companion. Nothing wrong with that. I agree that focusing on yourself and child is first and foremost. Yes, two divorces will be red flags, but I think if you really have grown and come acriss as grounded and self-aware (not depsrate, clingy, crazy, etc) you will find a companion. It will just take more effort. good luck.

I agree. My mother's husband (she married him 5 years after my father died) was married twice before he married my mom. He and his first wife were HS sweethearts, had 6 kids and were married 25 years. His second wife was a huge mistake and they were only married 2 years. He and my mom were married for 23 years when he died. We actually knew him when he was married to his first wife. His youngest son is my age and all his kids went to a neighboring high school. He changed a LOT between his first wife and my mom.

I have a cousin who is 35 and on her third marriage. This one looks like it's going to last. She, too, has changed a lot since that first marriage and her husband was an old friend.

Have hope. Work on yourself. Put you and your child first. You will find a companion, it will just take more effort.

[Anonymous]

Marjorie Post was married more times than my son has teeth, and no one dumped on her.

OP, ignore the haters. I agree with the need to take some time and sort your life out. But I don't think it will turn off someone who's right for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, yeah, ignore the people who just get some sort of sick gratification out of making you feel guilty. Of course you are wondering, at 34 and a year or so post-divorce, about dating and future relationships! The idea that you should dedicate yourself to solitude and celibacy for the duration of your babiy's childhood is ridiculous. Is that supposed to be some sort of penance?

True, you should try to understand the lessons of your two bad marriage choices, and true, you obviously don't want to expose your child to an endless string of men who won't stay-- but you are absolutely entitled, like every other person on the planet, to seek love and companionship. As long as you're careful about when you introduce someone to DC and in what capacity, there is no reason not to date.

As for the question of whether the two marriages will scare people off, I think it may scare some people off. But I don't think ou need to advertise on the first date. I think you put ourself out there as what you are: a divorced single mother. Most men are unlikely to press for further details unless and until they're seriously interested. What are odds someone will say, "ow many times have ou been married?" it could easily not come up for moths, and while you shouldn't lie if asked, I don't think ou have the slightest obligation to volunteer the information to people you date. If and when you get serious with someone, tell him honestly aout oth marriages. If he's seriously interested in you at the point in time this might come up naturally, he's unlikely to break up simply because of this.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for typos. iPad....

[Anonymous]

My sister married very young and divorce her first husband before her first child was born too. Second marriage lasted almost a year (no kids). It took her 3rd husband 10 years to convince her to marry again. They have been married for 12 years now and very happy.