Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I married young the first time, at 23 and my husband was ex military and very damaged - tough childhood, years of untreated bi polar, emotional abuser. We divorced and remain friends - he has been in extensive therapy since we split and continues to get the help he needs.
Second marriage was at 29. Childhood sweetheart, a lot of support of the relationship from friends and family. But he never broke up with his ex (I didn't know until months after marriage and pregnant with my son). We seperated and soon divorce will be over. I've been in therapy for a while myself to establish why I pick these kind of men etc. I've made progress, I've grown!
They say 3rd times the charm, but I am worried what the dating pool will be like for me. When people hear twice divorced and with a kid, will they hold that against me? I am otherwise a professional, liberal level headed woman who dots over my child and wants a long term companion. Not sure if I am open to marriage again, but you never know.
Thoughts?
I think that honestly you need a very long break from dating. I know you said you are in counseling and do stay in it. Some posters see red flags in your two divorces and I do too, but for a different reason.
Your first husband, for example, sounds like he is doing better and getting his life on track. Why couldn't you have stayed married to him while he got better? Your second husband was cheating on you and rather than going to counseling and trying to make it work, you left. Again it seems like you are in marriage for the good and happy times and bolt when there is work to be done. No marriage is perfect. No marriage will ever be perfect, but if you really want to be married and be stable you have to work hard everyday. If you would rather date long-term than be married for the long haul then do that and don't expose your child to your personal life and your instability as a partner.
That all being said I will leave you with a cautionary note. A woman I know has been married 6-7 times over her life. Like you, she married her first husband young and her second at 29 and had kids. Left him. She then put her two children through men coming and going in her life. She moved to be with the new man she married to every 4-6 years. She is now 60-something married to some other man and her children won't speak to her. Her kids are very emotionally damaged mostly because she was so obsessed with her husbands and being married that while she may have loved them, they never have and never will see it.
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