Single mom, 34 and twice divorced...will my stats scare potential mates?

[Anonymous]

OP -

As a guy who married and then divorced an alcoholic I understand your first divorce and how you ended up with the second. Some therapy during my first marriage and then after my divorce helped me learn more about myself and helped me get it right the second time.

We're I still in the dating pool, while the two divorces would be flags they wouldn't be show stoppers with the explanations you've provided and the fact that you're currently working with someone to figure yourself out.

I agree with the others who've said to take it slow and focus on yourself and your child, but it sounds like you're on the right track. I think a guy who has never been married would have more issues with your history than a guy who has gotten out of a bad marriage, as well.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

*Were. Damn you autocorrect.

[Anonymous]

The answer OP is HELL YES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married young the first time, at 23 and my husband was ex military and very damaged - tough childhood, years of untreated bi polar, emotional abuser. We divorced and remain friends - he has been in extensive therapy since we split and continues to get the help he needs.

Second marriage was at 29. Childhood sweetheart, a lot of support of the relationship from friends and family. But he never broke up with his ex (I didn't know until months after marriage and pregnant with my son). We seperated and soon divorce will be over. I've been in therapy for a while myself to establish why I pick these kind of men etc. I've made progress, I've grown!

They say 3rd times the charm, but I am worried what the dating pool will be like for me. When people hear twice divorced and with a kid, will they hold that against me? I am otherwise a professional, liberal level headed woman who dots over my child and wants a long term companion. Not sure if I am open to marriage again, but you never know.

Thoughts?

I think that honestly you need a very long break from dating. I know you said you are in counseling and do stay in it. Some posters see red flags in your two divorces and I do too, but for a different reason.

Your first husband, for example, sounds like he is doing better and getting his life on track. Why couldn't you have stayed married to him while he got better? Your second husband was cheating on you and rather than going to counseling and trying to make it work, you left. Again it seems like you are in marriage for the good and happy times and bolt when there is work to be done. No marriage is perfect. No marriage will ever be perfect, but if you really want to be married and be stable you have to work hard everyday. If you would rather date long-term than be married for the long haul then do that and don't expose your child to your personal life and your instability as a partner.

That all being said I will leave you with a cautionary note. A woman I know has been married 6-7 times over her life. Like you, she married her first husband young and her second at 29 and had kids. Left him. She then put her two children through men coming and going in her life. She moved to be with the new man she married to every 4-6 years. She is now 60-something married to some other man and her children won't speak to her. Her kids are very emotionally damaged mostly because she was so obsessed with her husbands and being married that while she may have loved them, they never have and never will see it.

So because she left her cheating husband, she is in the wrong because she didn't stay in for the long haul????? Why would she? He already showed her how much he respected their relationship by not even breaking it off with his ex and marrying OP. She doesn't need someone like that to hold on to.

That goes to show how selfish you are.

Why even bother about saying your marriage vows "for better of for worse, in sickness and in health"?

If you have low tolerance for mistakes in a relationship, stay single forever!

Dear Dumbass PP: You are posting to a thread from 2012. WTF?

[Anonymous]

This was my grandmother. Her 3rd marriage lasted 40 years until her husband passed away

But yeah it would scare the hell out of me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why think about remarrying? Is it b/c you need a provider for your child? I am a man. I married right out of colleges - big mistake, fist love. Got divorced at 25 and then remarried at 27 due to getting a GF pregnant. I am planning to end this mistake soon (12 years later), and I do not expect to ever marry again. I will enjoy dating, maybe have a few long term relationships, and hopefully find someone in a decade or two who I want to grow old with - but I see no reason to every marry again.

Btw, I would certainly date someone who has been married twice, but I'll be opposed to marrying anyone.

Get over yourself. You're a two-time loser with your own horrible history of decision making. At your track record, you'd be lucky if anyone gave YOU consideration for marriage. That is, anyone who already supports themselves and isn't looking for a provider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Just wanted to say "good luck." Shit happens! Who among us made ONLY good choices? Nobody. Sometimes our choices are made clearer looking back. We have to go through the crap to get to the good stuff.

All mistakes are not equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody counts marriages in their 20s. Let alone before 25.

Keep dreaming.

[Anonymous]

Honestly.... yes, I would be very wary and put off by that history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why think about remarrying? Is it b/c you need a provider for your child? I am a man. I married right out of colleges - big mistake, fist love. Got divorced at 25 and then remarried at 27 due to getting a GF pregnant. I am planning to end this mistake soon (12 years later), and I do not expect to ever marry again. I will enjoy dating, maybe have a few long term relationships, and hopefully find someone in a decade or two who I want to grow old with - but I see no reason to every marry again.

Btw, I would certainly date someone who has been married twice, but I'll be opposed to marrying anyone.

Get over yourself. You're a two-time loser with your own horrible history of decision making. At your track record, you'd be lucky if anyone gave YOU consideration for marriage. That is, anyone who already supports themselves and isn't looking for a provider.

Good god, what a nasty response,

[Anonymous]

just lie

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Good god, what a nasty response,

Why? This dude slams her for "needing a provider" after making one horrible decision (young marriage), then another one right after rectifying the first. Then he has the GALL to brag about how he's going to fix his second mistake by divorcing the mom and live the single life.

Screw him.

[Anonymous]

I would never date you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One mistake = Something' s wrong with him
Two mistakes = Something's wrong with you

Yes, pithy aphorisms are always true when applied to something as complicated as human relationships! The first divorce must always be the guy's fault, and the second must always be the woman's! Sophisticated thinking there.

OP, life is hard. I think your situation speaks for itself and a good guy would understand.

[Anonymous]

Before the internet in general and social media in particular, it was easier for repeat divorcers to make a fresh start somewhere new.