14yo refusing to go on trip
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Anonymous
To be fair to OP, she did say she already took away privileges which I assume means her phone and screen time. Everyone here is all hard ass when they type their responses, but in terms of actionable advice, what happens when she physically puts her DD in the car, and then they get to the airport and she screams bloody murder? They could get denied entrance or kicked off the flight. So IMO it's actually a fair question. Do you make the attempt to go and risk the whole family getting kicked out or do you find last minute arrangements for the DD and punish her severely? |
Anonymous
| If she won’t get in the car to go to the airport I’d call all my neighbors to come help persuade her. This will embarrass her and she will get in the car. Be clear about what time she needs to be ready to leave and pack for her. |
Anonymous
| Yes, I make the attempt to go. This child is in crisis due to poor parenting previously. The fact that she thinks that this is anywhere near appropriate behavior is a huge wake up call. Yes, you make the kid go. But OP is probably wishy washy still like in this message, which is gross negligence. |
Anonymous
If I really thought there was a chance she'd straight up pitch a fit like that, I'd line up (bribe) emergency child care, who was on board with grounding her that week. And I'd tell her that not only was she not going to Hawaii, she wasn't going anywhere. Her phone and any other devices would be locked up. And she wouldn't get that phone back for at least a month, probably longer, and she wouldn't have any spending money, and she would be full-on grounded. That kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable. |
Anonymous
If you're going the forcing route, add a couple of hours to get ready. She will drag her feet every step of the way |
Anonymous
No way! If she doesn't go, you don't go either. This child is in crisis. This wavering is how you get a brat like this. Because you were a wimpy parent before, you now have to go strong. |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
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Most people cannot afford to travel to Italy or Hawaii in their lifetimes. Try giving her some perspective.
Other than that, no discussion. Trip is on regardless, and there are consequences for bad behavior. I would stop engaging with her completely because there is no decision to be made. |
Anonymous
Of course you go. She doesn't get to cancel the trip for the whole a family. She is being bratty and whiny but there is nothing that shows she is in crisis. She just wants what she wants. You leave her with whoever will take her, take all her electronics, go enjoy your vacation and deal with her when you get home. |
Anonymous
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Have you tried really listening to her side of things? Not because you will change your mind- but so that you can take her into account next time?
I think this is the age where girls start to realize they want a say in what they do. So make her feel heard. “We’re doing this trip, and I need you on board, but can we talk about what you would have rather done? Can we find a way to incorporate that into our next trip?” So maybe not Hawaii- but have her help with picking an activity or a place or a hotel for the next one. Whatever she’s into. If it’s social media, there are a ton of social media popular restaurants that would be easy to add to a trip. She’s being a jerk now, but the best way to prevent that in the future may be to give her a bit more control. |
Anonymous
I would sell her phone to pay for the wasted ticket. And buy her a flip phone at most if she needed one for safety. Until she goes to college. (Not “a month.”). She doesn’t “need” a phone and she clearly doesn’t deserve one either. |
Anonymous
This is reasonable, as long as she goes on this Italy trip. |
Anonymous
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OP,
I think what people are trying to get at here is that there are two options: 1 Either this is a moody teen having a moment, in which case you can pack for her and manage to get her into the car and on the plane. Ask her why Hawaii: surely there are things in Italy that can be the same as Hawaii. She can post wonderful pictures of Italian landmarks to impress her friends, etc. 2. Or this is a mentally ill patient who has autism, or other diagnoses, and who will risk all hell breaking loose by physically refusing to leave the house. In which case, you have a very serious issue on your hands, because this is not run-of-the-mill brat behavior. It's a brain difference that needs to be managed lifelong. |
Anonymous
| I would tell her she’s getting on that plane or CPS is coming to get her to go to foster care. Her choice. |
Anonymous
I would not show up if my neighbor called me and asked me to do this. Parent your own kid, I’m not playing this game. |