Just learned my MIL turned away a friend who came to see me in the hospital

[Anonymous]

I would just apologize to the friend letting her know you heard about MIL’s behavior. Would not say anything to MIL about it. No need to create family drama. It’s not like this is a situation that is going to happen frequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just apologize to the friend letting her know you heard about MIL’s behavior. Would not say anything to MIL about it. No need to create family drama. It’s not like this is a situation that is going to happen frequently.

Maybe not this exact same situation, but I guarantee that MIL will overstep in other ways. I would 1000% address this.

[Anonymous]

What is the resolution? You cannot turn the clock back and have a do-over.

So, call your friend and apologize profusely. Tell her that your MIL is showing some cognitive decline issues. Then thank her for the care package, and then call her to meet you and your baby at your home.

Then, tell your DH and MIL that it was not at all cool and that from next time they cannot speak for you, your baby and your family without your consent. More than that...you cannot achieve anything.

Your MIL has cognitive decline and your DH does not need to be in the middle of this more than necessary.

Stamp out the drama. You are here to enjoy your baby and create a conducive environment for her - including mom's BFF aunty and grandma. So, do an appropriate response. Cannot get ballistic. Smart of you to recognize that you are not in the right mindspace after childbirth. So kudos to that awareness.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I like that you wanted time to think about this before reacting but I can tell you not only are you within your right to address this with the MIL you should. If you don't I promise more and more things like this will occur. You or DH needs to speak with her about this ASAP. What she did was overstepping and plain freaking rude. Address this now. I'm angry for you!

Supposedly she just had a baby. Why waste so much energy on this? Aren’t there more important things?

Not OP, but why wouldn't she address this while it's still fresh? I would be extremely upset if someone was turning away my friends after they just went out of their way to come see and bring a gift. It's not nothing.

Op is a drama lovin mama.

As are the sis and the MIL.

And the new acquaintance crying in the hallway.

And of who has to crowd source her response.

[Anonymous]

At 9:53, OP said her friend had not mentioned it to her at all. At 10:05 she said she has talked to the friend and her story matched OP's sister's story. Definitely a troll.

[Anonymous]

Check the facts with your friend first.

My mother has done this to me multiple times. She wants to control who I socialize with and is not mentally healthy about it. It led to a lot of conflict in the past, and for many years now, boundaries and distance.

Congrats on the baby!

[Anonymous]

Maybe MIL thought you wouldn’t want someone from work visiting you in the hospital? Ask MIL what she was thinking. I agree MIL needs to know she can’t act on your behalf but there is something weird about the new work friend bringing you a care package to the hospital - did your close friends also visit? Plus, having to schlep the care package home? The friend should have waited to visit you at home.

MIL still wrong but I wouldn’t have a major blow up about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 9:53, OP said her friend had not mentioned it to her at all. At 10:05 she said she has talked to the friend and her story matched OP's sister's story. Definitely a troll.

Yep. More details kept rolling out, changes to the story, the usual pattern.

[Anonymous]

Obviously call your friend, you should have done that the INSTANT your sister told you.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sick of all the trolls on this site now.

I'll see myself out now. This is a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

Who cares who the friend is? It wasn't MIL's place to turn anyone away.

Boundaries people. "Newer" friends aren't hospital visiting level unless they have alternative motivations.

NP. Completely disagree. I would have loved hospital visitors and was bummed I didn't receive any.

[Anonymous]

why do you need so many people at the hospital with you?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

Who cares who the friend is? It wasn't MIL's place to turn anyone away.

Boundaries people. "Newer" friends aren't hospital visiting level unless they have alternative motivations.

NP. Completely disagree. I would have loved hospital visitors and was bummed I didn't receive any.

No thanks. I was struggling to breastfeed, had my boobs out the entire time with a lactation consultant coming by constantly, and the baby had been running a fever and was being checked on and taken away for observation. It's stressful. Plenty of time to visit when everyone is setttled at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why do you need so many people at the hospital with you?

To bring their germs and viruses with them. Funny that people who don't think family should visit for weeks after a baby comes home now think it's the more the merrier in flu season at the hospital with a baby just hours old.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL is bold.
Who empowered your MIL to do so?
Yeah I’d call the friend first then suggest your husband deal w that mother of his.

Yikes!