Mother Left 4.5M Estate to Unemployed, Alcoholic Sister

[Anonymous]

So many posters here seem to have zero experience with alcoholics. So many excuses for the adult sister's behavior. SMH.

Would you give a drug addict $4.5 million? A gambling addict?

OP I would contact at wills and trust attorney to see what your options may be. I have similar dynamics in my family between my mother and my two siblings, except my mother has already told me that she won't be leaving me much of anything and most of her estate to my siblings, and then she asked me to basically take care of them for life. I said no.

[Anonymous]

I would contact a lawyer, worth suing over if there is a case to be made. If your mother updated will recently and she was confused might be contestable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many posters here seem to have zero experience with alcoholics. So many excuses for the adult sister's behavior. SMH.

Would you give a drug addict $4.5 million? A gambling addict?

OP I would contact at wills and trust attorney to see what your options may be. I have similar dynamics in my family between my mother and my two siblings, except my mother has already told me that she won't be leaving me much of anything and most of her estate to my siblings, and then she asked me to basically take care of them for life. I said no.

I agree with this. It's worth one meeting with a wills and estates attorney. Perhaps the sister has childhood trauma, but regardless of the reason for her alcoholism and inability to work, unfettered access to 4.5M isn't going to help her, it will enable her. Your mom hasn't done anyone here any favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

By “unravel” do you mean “how do I make sense of this and move on with my life?” Or “how do I get some of this money?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, your mother didn't want to burden you and your brother.
This is her way, right or wrong....
She is giving your sister the power and relieving the burden from you, killing two birds with one stone!

*the power meaning maybe your sister always felt unloved so with $ all going to her now, it's your mom's way of saying to your sister "you need to snap out of it!!!"
Speaking from her grave to your sister, I'm just guessing. She also knew money don't buy happiness.

Agree with this. I feel for your mother.

[Anonymous]

Was she the only one taking care of your mom?

[Anonymous]

Be glad you have a stable life and don’t bail your sister out if she ends up spending all the money.

[Anonymous]

Check with a lawyer. State law varies around some kind of minimum share of an estate going to heirs.

[Anonymous]

She will be off to the races on alcohol.

OP, check out some AlAnon meetings.

I do think at some time she will die intestate and you and your brother will be the beneficiaries according to state law.

OP, check out intestate laws in the state she lives in. There are high odds that she will die young and not have a will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

By “unravel” do you mean “how do I make sense of this and move on with my life?” Or “how do I get some of this money?”

Not OP, but both are reasonable goals. Nobody is entitled to anyone's money but a straight disinheritance from a parent is pretty messed up, especially if it wasn't discussed. My grandmother did this in a situation with 3 kids and 2 of the 3 became estranged from each other. It was much less money, but I think the hurt and resentment were just too much to overcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked two siblings were cut out, but nothing you can do about it but move on with your life. You could try asking your sister to share some of it (I definitely would share), but probably unlikely in this case.

There are tax implications to inheriting something and then attempt to gift it or give it to others who are not a non profit.

My childless aunt hit it off with my SIL, who then finagled being her will executor and 100% inheritor! My brother tried to give us some or half- who knows but we immediately cut them out of our estates and wills line up - but over the annual 19k per year gifting it was going to be taxed a lot. You could go on a spending spree for them then or every year…

Big mess. Big family harmony disruptor.
No trust left.

Last thing I said to my brother was how would he, his wife and his four kids feel if we deliberately gave only one of his adult kids $5m?

I said that, listened at the silence, and left the room and building.

Can you please elaborate on the tax implications? I of course believe that there would be but have no idea what that means and I may be in a situation someday where I would need to know to make things right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many posters here seem to have zero experience with alcoholics. So many excuses for the adult sister's behavior. SMH.

Would you give a drug addict $4.5 million? A gambling addict?

OP I would contact at wills and trust attorney to see what your options may be. I have similar dynamics in my family between my mother and my two siblings, except my mother has already told me that she won't be leaving me much of anything and most of her estate to my siblings, and then she asked me to basically take care of them for life. I said no.

I will never, for the life of me, understand why people do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't even know what to think. My brother and I were completely cut out. There was no drama. Where do I start to unravel this?

You could see a lawyer and contest the will.

Did she do it because the sister has no income and isn't likely to and she figured she'd need to set her up while you and your brother are self-sufficient?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

The best strategy might be to lay low and be sure your SISTER has a will that includes you and your brother. She might not be long for this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

Maybe your mother abused her or covered up her abuse and left her money over the guilt.

Given your tone here, sounds like you cone from an abusive home void of empathy.