Mother Left 4.5M Estate to Unemployed, Alcoholic Sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

So your sister is a hoarder, a shut-in, a compulsive eater, and an alcoholic. What are the chances she has significant childhood trauma or a mental illness or both?

No one chooses to be a dysfunctional hoarder either no life…it sounds like she has built a prison of fat around her person and a prison of stuff around her home to protect herself and keep others out…have you ever been curious about why that is? Do you have any curiosity about why your sister, raised in the same homes you, turned out so functionally different than you and your brother?

You seem to attribute her condition in life entirely to character defects. Is that so?

[Anonymous]

At 48 and 300 pounds, she likely won't be around much longer. Maybe you and your brother will be her heirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 48 and 300 pounds, she likely won't be around much longer. Maybe you and your brother will be her heirs.

I was thinking the same thing. Don't cut ties with her, make sure you and your brother are her heirs. If she is truly an alcoholic her liver will likely give out in the next 5-10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 48 and 300 pounds, she likely won't be around much longer. Maybe you and your brother will be her heirs.

I was thinking the same thing. Don't cut ties with her, make sure you and your brother are her heirs. If she is truly an alcoholic her liver will likely give out in the next 5-10 years.

My brother passed from alcoholism at age 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 48 and 300 pounds, she likely won't be around much longer. Maybe you and your brother will be her heirs.

I was thinking the same thing. Don't cut ties with her, make sure you and your brother are her heirs. If she is truly an alcoholic her liver will likely give out in the next 5-10 years.

And your excited about that possibility, and would care more about money & greed, than a sibling, that’s evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

So your sister is a hoarder, a shut-in, a compulsive eater, and an alcoholic. What are the chances she has significant childhood trauma or a mental illness or both?

No one chooses to be a dysfunctional hoarder either no life…it sounds like she has built a prison of fat around her person and a prison of stuff around her home to protect herself and keep others out…have you ever been curious about why that is? Do you have any curiosity about why your sister, raised in the same homes you, turned out so functionally different than you and your brother?

You seem to attribute her condition in life entirely to character defects. Is that so?

Not OP, but, yeah, character defects do exist and do wreck people's lives. Not every crappy person you encounter is a 'victim'. Some people just suck.

Have you seriously never known siblings to be wildly different in their success and failures? It doesn't mean one of them was getting raped as a child, for Christ's sake. I have a brother who dropped out of college, became a ski bum, rents a studio apartment and now washes windows for a living at 55. Nobody abused him. He's just unambitious and... lazy, to be blunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 48 and 300 pounds, she likely won't be around much longer. Maybe you and your brother will be her heirs.

I was thinking the same thing. Don't cut ties with her, make sure you and your brother are her heirs. If she is truly an alcoholic her liver will likely give out in the next 5-10 years.

This sounds harsh but is just a fact. My alcoholic brother died at 47 (liver failure).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

There is a reason your sister is this way - your mom probably knows the reason and you don’t. Have sympathy. Your mom might even blame herself. Maybe you sister was abused or had a terrible trauma that was kept from the family. Anyone who is 300lbs has mental issues, same with alcoholics - she’s both. Something happened!

And for the sake of family harmony and to avoid the current situation, that should have been discussed as a family matter years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

Calm down,OP. Don’t call your sister a loser, she may be struggling with something. She doesn’t need to be employed to have a life. Relax, I k kw it might be hard but who knows maybe she’ll put the money to good use.

"May be"? From the hoarding alone, we can tell that she's probably on the autism spectrum with severe anxiety. Hoarding is closely related to anxiety and inability to triage, and current theories explain it as an off-shoot of autism.

This doesn't mean she "deserves" more money than her siblings. OP's mother made a poor choice.

Stop diagnosing people you don’t know using a degree/experience you don’t have. It’s offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

So your sister is a hoarder, a shut-in, a compulsive eater, and an alcoholic. What are the chances she has significant childhood trauma or a mental illness or both?

No one chooses to be a dysfunctional hoarder either no life…it sounds like she has built a prison of fat around her person and a prison of stuff around her home to protect herself and keep others out…have you ever been curious about why that is? Do you have any curiosity about why your sister, raised in the same homes you, turned out so functionally different than you and your brother?

You seem to attribute her condition in life entirely to character defects. Is that so?

Not OP, but, yeah, character defects do exist and do wreck people's lives. Not every crappy person you encounter is a 'victim'. Some people just suck.

Have you seriously never known siblings to be wildly different in their success and failures? It doesn't mean one of them was getting raped as a child, for Christ's sake. I have a brother who dropped out of college, became a ski bum, rents a studio apartment and now washes windows for a living at 55. Nobody abused him. He's just unambitious and... lazy, to be blunt.

PP is your brother happy with his life? Nothing in what you said about him is illegal or immoral. We are not all required to be ambitious. The world needs people who will wash windows; it’s a stable business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked two siblings were cut out, but nothing you can do about it but move on with your life. You could try asking your sister to share some of it (I definitely would share), but probably unlikely in this case.

There are tax implications to inheriting something and then attempt to gift it or give it to others who are not a non profit.

My childless aunt hit it off with my SIL, who then finagled being her will executor and 100% inheritor! My brother tried to give us some or half- who knows but we immediately cut them out of our estates and wills line up - but over the annual 19k per year gifting it was going to be taxed a lot. You could go on a spending spree for them then or every year…

Big mess. Big family harmony disruptor.
No trust left.

Last thing I said to my brother was how would he, his wife and his four kids feel if we deliberately gave only one of his adult kids $5m?

I said that, listened at the silence, and left the room and building.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If all is legit and not contestable I would completely cut out that sister from my life. Or, maybe I would try to salvage some money from her, it depends on how open she is to sharing.

Why would anyone with someone who would cut them out if they didn’t?

[Anonymous]

Op, your mother didn't want to burden you and your brother.
This is her way, right or wrong....
She is giving your sister the power and relieving the burden from you, killing two birds with one stone!

*the power meaning maybe your sister always felt unloved so with $ all going to her now, it's your mom's way of saying to your sister "you need to snap out of it!!!"
Speaking from her grave to your sister, I'm just guessing. She also knew money don't buy happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like your sister can use the money

4.5 mil seems excessive doncha think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked two siblings were cut out, but nothing you can do about it but move on with your life. You could try asking your sister to share some of it (I definitely would share), but probably unlikely in this case.

There are tax implications to inheriting something and then attempt to gift it or give it to others who are not a non profit.

My childless aunt hit it off with my SIL, who then finagled being her will executor and 100% inheritor! My brother tried to give us some or half- who knows but we immediately cut them out of our estates and wills line up - but over the annual 19k per year gifting it was going to be taxed a lot. You could go on a spending spree for them then or every year…

Big mess. Big family harmony disruptor.
No trust left.

Last thing I said to my brother was how would he, his wife and his four kids feel if we deliberately gave only one of his adult kids $5m?

I said that, listened at the silence, and left the room and building.

The 19k isn't taxed. And if you are married you can gift 38K annually, tax free to anyone you want. You can also pay tuition tax free. There are many ways to level the field

The sister could pay her nieces and nephews college tuition as well as provide the parents with 38K every year. It would not take long to get to 1.6M