Mother Left 4.5M Estate to Unemployed, Alcoholic Sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

By “unravel” do you mean “how do I make sense of this and move on with my life?” Or “how do I get some of this money?”

Not OP, but both are reasonable goals. Nobody is entitled to anyone's money but a straight disinheritance from a parent is pretty messed up, especially if it wasn't discussed. My grandmother did this in a situation with 3 kids and 2 of the 3 became estranged from each other. It was much less money, but I think the hurt and resentment were just too much to overcome.

Agree. However, from OP’s description of the sister, it sounds they are already estranged.

OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your mother didn't want to burden you and your brother.
This is her way, right or wrong....
She is giving your sister the power and relieving the burden from you, killing two birds with one stone!

*the power meaning maybe your sister always felt unloved so with $ all going to her now, it's your mom's way of saying to your sister "you need to snap out of it!!!"
Speaking from her grave to your sister, I'm just guessing. She also knew money don't buy happiness.

Agree with this. I feel for your mother.

I too feel for OP's mother because she is probably a fool. Anyone who thinks this will not create issues among the siblings is an idiot. Or perhaps she was sick of OP and her brother judging their alcoholic sister and decided to give them a final "Eff you" for being cruel to one of her children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check with a lawyer. State law varies around some kind of minimum share of an estate going to heirs.

Yes, exactly. A lawyer can better advise, but I do think there's a requirement for a minimum payout. Meaning that if you DON'T get the minimum payout, then you have cause to contest. OP is gone, but if she ever comes back to see this, she should talk to a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

The best strategy might be to lay low and be sure your SISTER has a will that includes you and your brother. She might not be long for this world.

Imagine waiting for your mother's child to die so that you can collect your mother's money...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

The best strategy might be to lay low and be sure your SISTER has a will that includes you and your brother. She might not be long for this world.

Imagine waiting for your mother's child to die so that you can collect your mother's money...

Well who would be better for the sister to leave it to?

I'm sure if she could flip a magic switch and cure her sister, OP would. But this isn't fantasyland. Addicts are often self-destructive until the very end.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the mom felt that the best thing she could do for her other 2 kids was to make sure that they will not feel obligated to be responsible for their sister. Joint ownership of property, for instance, with someone so dysfunctional could be a nightmare.

It’s also possible that the Op and her brother had distanced themselves so far from the situation that Mom considered them to be out of the picture and left everything to the child who was there and dependent on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

The best strategy might be to lay low and be sure your SISTER has a will that includes you and your brother. She might not be long for this world.

Imagine waiting for your mother's child to die so that you can collect your mother's money...

Imagine wanting a person’s money more than you want them in your life. The sister is under no obligation to leave her siblings anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

The best strategy might be to lay low and be sure your SISTER has a will that includes you and your brother. She might not be long for this world.

Imagine waiting for your mother's child to die so that you can collect your mother's money...

Imagine wanting a person’s money more than you want them in your life. The sister is under no obligation to leave her siblings anything.

You probably can't imagine it because you haven't had a close family member with addiction and mental health issues in your life. There comes a point where you give up and just try and salvage what you can from a situation. And it's usually a painful process to get there. I would be interested for OP to shed some more light on all of these relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 48 and 300 pounds, she likely won't be around much longer. Maybe you and your brother will be her heirs.

I was thinking the same thing. Don't cut ties with her, make sure you and your brother are her heirs. If she is truly an alcoholic her liver will likely give out in the next 5-10 years.

And your excited about that possibility, and would care more about money & greed, than a sibling, that’s evil.

I'm not, but the OP is focused on the money, and clearly not fond of the sister (probably for very valid reasons), so it's worth thinking about strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

The best strategy might be to lay low and be sure your SISTER has a will that includes you and your brother. She might not be long for this world.

Imagine waiting for your mother's child to die so that you can collect your mother's money...

Imagine wanting a person’s money more than you want them in your life. The sister is under no obligation to leave her siblings anything.

Imagine enabling horrible, addictive behavior. GTFOH.

[Anonymous]

If the mother truly wanted to avoid problems for OP and the healthy sibling, she would have created a trust with an executor who was tasked with ensuring the sister's well-being for the next 40 years or whatever. That person could have made sure she had a safe home, healthy food, healthcare, recreation, etc... for the rest of the loser sister's life.

The mother was either out of her mind or just wanted to send a FU from the grave to OP. Some people are just plain mean and stupid.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your sister is thrilled.
The kid who never mount to anything in life always have their parents heart .. and in your case get all the $$$$

Nothing you can do except better for your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was your sister your mom's favorite? Could your sister have done something to change the will? Are you and your brother doing well financially?

I would look into this. Our systems is so outdated that it allows for any kind of manipulation. Wills should be registered with some legal governmental office while the person is still lucid IMO, not just turn up in the couch cushions after they pass away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.

The unemployed alcoholic is my sister. She is 48 and hasnt worked since she was 26. She is a loser. Her life is a wreck. She's 300 pounds and lives in a condo my mother bought. It's stuffed to the rafters with trash. She watches TV and posts on the internet all day. That is her life.

My brother and I both put ourselves through college and have decent jobs and stable lives. We are 'normal'.

Giving 4.5 million dollars to our sister is the same as throwing it from the top of a skyscraper.

The best strategy might be to lay low and be sure your SISTER has a will that includes you and your brother. She might not be long for this world.

Imagine waiting for your mother's child to die so that you can collect your mother's money...

Imagine wanting a person’s money more than you want them in your life. The sister is under no obligation to leave her siblings anything.

Oh stop. We're all human and there's no point in pretend you're some kind of saint who wouldn't be affected by the scenario OP described. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

So your mother enabled your sister's addiction during her life and she'll continue enabling it after her death.

The harsh truth is your mom probably just gave your sister the tools to being about her own death faster.