Being Counseled Out
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| As someone trying to decide which schools to apply to, it’s disappointing that no one name schools. Understandable but it seems other families and children could be saved these experiences if they knew how schools handle these situations and which ones to avoid. |
Anonymous
| Agree with PP. if anyone would be kind enough to share schools it could save some of us |
Anonymous
| Most mainstream private schools will counsel out kids whose behavior consistently disrupts the class, or who struggle a lot academically even with outside supports. |
Anonymous
Yes the kids with “ADHD” are fine. But actual ADHD not so much. |
Anonymous
It happens at all schools. |
Anonymous
Exactly. Every private school has counseled students out. Still, it’s relatively rare. School administrators aren’t looking for bad PR and know that parents talk to each other. Counseling out usually is a last resort after trying in-school interventions and asking families to seek outside academic or behavioral help. |
Anonymous
Kids with milder or less disruptive presentations of ADHD still have ADHD. Like many things, it’s a spectrum. |
Anonymous
| Bad PR indeed. I would never want to send my child to a school that would so carelessly disregard them. |
Anonymous
Agree. |
Anonymous
Not really. |
Anonymous
|
OP, Can you set up a meeting to discuss their progress, and ask for suggestions on how you can support at home?
They may be avoiding conflict by not over-reporting small things, but they could be adding up. After my kids graduated, I learned that some of things they told me were untrue, like that seniors were allowed off campus for lunch, and homeroom didn't count. |
Anonymous
They have to think about all the kids, not just the one or two disruptive outliers. |
Anonymous
Yes, but in the manner OP describes? No warning. No counseling. No discussion. When the admissions cycle is nearly over so the child has limited opportunity to apply out? Is that normal? Are the schools all so cold? |
Anonymous
It's not really the school's fault if the student engages in unacceptable behavior after the admissions cycle for the following year has concluded. It's not reasonable to expect the school to keep the kid another year and a half (assuming genuinely unacceptable behavior) just because the kid acted out after the private school admissions deadlines had passed. I agree with others that outside of behavior that is crossing the line by any standard (e.g. violence) whether the objectionable behavior is a major problem generally has to do with whether the people impacted view it as a big deal. If the kid is disrupting class the teachers (along with other parents) might have a say in whether it is a big deal. If the kid is bullying another kid (or kids) those kids parents' attitudes (and, unfortunately, sway at the school) will play a role in determining whether it is a big deal. So it might not be obvious to you as the offender's parent that it is a big deal, without the other context. I also agree that your reaction (as the offender's parent) can play a role in whether the school wants to try to work on the issue with your family. If you responded with minimization (e.g. "it's not a big deal") or with anger, or with denial, or defensively, or you blamed others (e.g., the teacher, the other kids) the school might conclude that you will be too difficult to work with on this issue. It's hard not to instinctively jump to your own kid's defense and believe only your own kid's account, but that (very natural) response can make the school disinclined to work with your family on a behavior issue. |
Anonymous
Well aren’t you delightful. Bless your heart. |