Being Counseled Out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are new to private schools. Is it unusual for a school to just start a conversation about a school not being a good fit a few weeks before reenrollment contracts go out? Never had an indication it was a thought until a meeting today. There were no prior meetings indicating it was a possibility. Wondering if this is normally how the process works? I would think they would try to let families know in time to apply other places? Just wondering other experiences. Thanks in advance.

Yes. And for some kids towards the end of the year. In my kids’ lower school 2 families were counseled out of improper fit. One because the child needed more support (LDs) than the school could reasonably supply. The other because the parents made some racist comments about Jews - they were Arabic but not Palestinian (Pakistani). The kid told some Jewish kids terrible things and the parents sent him to school on a free dress day with a Palestine shirt. The school wasn’t a good fit for him and his family. In our upper school the only kids I know that were counseled out had reputations for being “druggies”.

Why can’t a kid wear a Palestinian shirt? So many kids died there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are new to private schools. Is it unusual for a school to just start a conversation about a school not being a good fit a few weeks before reenrollment contracts go out? Never had an indication it was a thought until a meeting today. There were no prior meetings indicating it was a possibility. Wondering if this is normally how the process works? I would think they would try to let families know in time to apply other places? Just wondering other experiences. Thanks in advance.

Yes. And for some kids towards the end of the year. In my kids’ lower school 2 families were counseled out of improper fit. One because the child needed more support (LDs) than the school could reasonably supply. The other because the parents made some racist comments about Jews - they were Arabic but not Palestinian (Pakistani). The kid told some Jewish kids terrible things and the parents sent him to school on a free dress day with a Palestine shirt. The school wasn’t a good fit for him and his family. In our upper school the only kids I know that were counseled out had reputations for being “druggies”.

The above bolded comments are racist 1) Arabic is a language Arab is an ethnicity 2) Palestinians and Pakistanis are not confused for one another and 3) Pakistani’s do not speak Arabic nor are they Arab they are Pakistani and speak Arabic. Maybe the school should council you out as your comments are extremely offensive, racist and frankly stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this your first year at the school? Unless there's been something really big, I would say it's unusual to be counseled out during the first year without prior communication.

My child was counseled out, but we had had many, many parent teacher conferences about the challenges.

DP. We were counseled out in the first month of school. Had zero prior conversations. No calls, notes, emails. Kid has ADHD and was on meds; we fully disclosed all on our app and in person. As it turned out, there were some, many, behavioral moments (not involving any students/teachers) that were not shared with us at all. That is, until we were called in to a meeting one day with the LS head, teacher and a resource type person. I was under the impression we were going to talk about the first month, what they saw, if/how they could support, maybe a booster dose, and the like.

Was totally blindsided when we got the not-a-good-fit conversation and a rattled off list of complaints. Looking back, I guess I was surprised that everything appeared to be going so well (since no one called or emailed us) and DS loved the school! How wrong that was, lol. Perhaps since we were full pay they figured they would give it a few weeks time, just in case it worked out? Who knows, but what a strange experience having the rug pulled out from under us like that. Best of luck OP.

[Anonymous]

For people who were blindsided did you try to work it out or did you just leave the school? I think I would be turned off by that type of experience.

[Anonymous]

OP here and I want to thank you for all of the helpful replies. In terms of the counseling out, it is that they are holding the contract and will come up with a plan. No plan has been shared as of yet. The December incident did not involve any other children and had to do with speaking disrespectfully (seriously, not yelling/cursing but speaking rudely and it was dealt with-not excusing DC). I think it may have more to do with academics but waiting to hear as that was also unclear. I really just wanted to see if this is how things usually happened as we were thrown but this is our first experience with an independent school. Not a top private and one that is typically known to be more accommodating. It is sad that DC loves the school, but we will look for other options. Appreciate the feedback.

[Anonymous]

We were at a “Big 3” and found out they are notorious for this. It’s extremely disappointing. Wish we had done better research in advance. Glad to be at a better school- you will get through this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For people who were blindsided did you try to work it out or did you just leave the school? I think I would be turned off by that type of experience.

I am a pp; we left. Their directive, but no way would we have stayed after hearing to the teacher give a dozen examples of things our kid did that drove her nuts. Listening to the teacher describe my son's day was both awful and sad at the same time. Beyond the lack of "fit," it was clear to us that she could not stand him and really, I would never want him with her again. Once she and the other person were dismissed from the meeting, we had a frank conversation with the director and it was made clear that we had to leave. In hindsight, this was the correct decision, but at the time it stung (as we thought everything was awesome, foolish us) and was humiliating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a contract held back, but we worked with a therapist and had improvements, and were then offered one in April. Yes, conversation started in January. Stayed for a few more years. Private schools don’t want to deal with behavioral issues or ADHD at all, even minor things.

False. We have a few students with ADHD (mine included) and the school has been EXTREMELY supportive. My kids is polite and very well behaved, as are the others. It’s more the disruptive disrespectful kids that get counseled out.

They love the inattentives. But heaven forbid if they find themselves with a hyperactive!

[Anonymous]

Thanks all for sharing your experiences. It’s so disappointing hearing these stories but glad to hear most happily landed at a different school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a contract held back, but we worked with a therapist and had improvements, and were then offered one in April. Yes, conversation started in January. Stayed for a few more years. Private schools don’t want to deal with behavioral issues or ADHD at all, even minor things.

False. We have a few students with ADHD (mine included) and the school has been EXTREMELY supportive. My kids is polite and very well behaved, as are the others. It’s more the disruptive disrespectful kids that get counseled out.

If a child can’t access the curriculum they may get counseled out even if they aren’t being disruptive or disrespectful. Private schools aren’t going to lower their standards and they don’t want kids who internalize they are bad students or doing something wrong when their brain chemistry is simply different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are new to private schools. Is it unusual for a school to just start a conversation about a school not being a good fit a few weeks before reenrollment contracts go out? Never had an indication it was a thought until a meeting today. There were no prior meetings indicating it was a possibility. Wondering if this is normally how the process works? I would think they would try to let families know in time to apply other places? Just wondering other experiences. Thanks in advance.

Yes. And for some kids towards the end of the year. In my kids’ lower school 2 families were counseled out of improper fit. One because the child needed more support (LDs) than the school could reasonably supply. The other because the parents made some racist comments about Jews - they were Arabic but not Palestinian (Pakistani). The kid told some Jewish kids terrible things and the parents sent him to school on a free dress day with a Palestine shirt. The school wasn’t a good fit for him and his family. In our upper school the only kids I know that were counseled out had reputations for being “druggies”.

The above bolded comments are racist 1) Arabic is a language Arab is an ethnicity 2) Palestinians and Pakistanis are not confused for one another and 3) Pakistani’s do not speak Arabic nor are they Arab they are Pakistani and speak Arabic. Maybe the school should council you out as your comments are extremely offensive, racist and frankly stupid.

DP here. I lived in Pakistan for a few years for my job, and I know the culture well. Many Pakistanis who are religious and grew up there or in another Muslim country DO know at least some Arabic because their holy book is written in it and people who receive a formal education in the Quran learn Arabic. The mullahs know Arabic. The imams know Arabic. Many families pay for their children to receive religious instruction, which includes Arabic. A middle or upper middle class Pakistani family paying for private school in DC most likely does pay for their children to receive religious instruction/"Quran lessons", so yes, the kids will know at least some Arabic.

The anti-Semitism that is deeply entrenched in Pakstani culture/society was horrifying. People would causally say the most hateful things about "the Jews", and I was shocked more than once when a different Pakistani colleague I considered Westernized (university in the West, etc) would just casually trot out the most racist/anti-Semitic things. It is very plausible that kids would hear such things from parents who were born there, even in the West, and we know kids often repeat things even when told not to do so, so yeah. I believe this happened.

I am sure now someone will tell me I am wrong, but I lived there and you did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are new to private schools. Is it unusual for a school to just start a conversation about a school not being a good fit a few weeks before reenrollment contracts go out? Never had an indication it was a thought until a meeting today. There were no prior meetings indicating it was a possibility. Wondering if this is normally how the process works? I would think they would try to let families know in time to apply other places? Just wondering other experiences. Thanks in advance.

Yes. And for some kids towards the end of the year. In my kids’ lower school 2 families were counseled out of improper fit. One because the child needed more support (LDs) than the school could reasonably supply. The other because the parents made some racist comments about Jews - they were Arabic but not Palestinian (Pakistani). The kid told some Jewish kids terrible things and the parents sent him to school on a free dress day with a Palestine shirt. The school wasn’t a good fit for him and his family. In our upper school the only kids I know that were counseled out had reputations for being “druggies”.

The above bolded comments are racist 1) Arabic is a language Arab is an ethnicity 2) Palestinians and Pakistanis are not confused for one another and 3) Pakistani’s do not speak Arabic nor are they Arab they are Pakistani and speak Arabic. Maybe the school should council you out as your comments are extremely offensive, racist and frankly stupid.

Incorrect. Pakistanis do not speak Arabic. Arabic is the language of Arab countries. Pakistanis speak Urdu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are new to private schools. Is it unusual for a school to just start a conversation about a school not being a good fit a few weeks before reenrollment contracts go out? Never had an indication it was a thought until a meeting today. There were no prior meetings indicating it was a possibility. Wondering if this is normally how the process works? I would think they would try to let families know in time to apply other places? Just wondering other experiences. Thanks in advance.

Yes. And for some kids towards the end of the year. In my kids’ lower school 2 families were counseled out of improper fit. One because the child needed more support (LDs) than the school could reasonably supply. The other because the parents made some racist comments about Jews - they were Arabic but not Palestinian (Pakistani). The kid told some Jewish kids terrible things and the parents sent him to school on a free dress day with a Palestine shirt. The school wasn’t a good fit for him and his family. In our upper school the only kids I know that were counseled out had reputations for being “druggies”.

The above bolded comments are racist 1) Arabic is a language Arab is an ethnicity 2) Palestinians and Pakistanis are not confused for one another and 3) Pakistani’s do not speak Arabic nor are they Arab they are Pakistani and speak Arabic. Maybe the school should council you out as your comments are extremely offensive, racist and frankly stupid.

Incorrect. Pakistanis do not speak Arabic. Arabic is the language of Arab countries. Pakistanis speak Urdu.

YOU are incorrect. Many Pakistanis learn Arabic as part of formal study of the Quran. When I lived in Pakistan, multiple Pakistani colleagues paid for their sons to have Quran lessons, and part of this learning Arabic. All of the mullahs know Arabic, and the imams.

Many Pakistanis don't learn Arabic, but many do. Many non-Arab Muslims who seriously study the Quran also learn it. Educate yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are new to private schools. Is it unusual for a school to just start a conversation about a school not being a good fit a few weeks before reenrollment contracts go out? Never had an indication it was a thought until a meeting today. There were no prior meetings indicating it was a possibility. Wondering if this is normally how the process works? I would think they would try to let families know in time to apply other places? Just wondering other experiences. Thanks in advance.

Yes. And for some kids towards the end of the year. In my kids’ lower school 2 families were counseled out of improper fit. One because the child needed more support (LDs) than the school could reasonably supply. The other because the parents made some racist comments about Jews - they were Arabic but not Palestinian (Pakistani). The kid told some Jewish kids terrible things and the parents sent him to school on a free dress day with a Palestine shirt. The school wasn’t a good fit for him and his family. In our upper school the only kids I know that were counseled out had reputations for being “druggies”.

The above bolded comments are racist 1) Arabic is a language Arab is an ethnicity 2) Palestinians and Pakistanis are not confused for one another and 3) Pakistani’s do not speak Arabic nor are they Arab they are Pakistani and speak Arabic. Maybe the school should council you out as your comments are extremely offensive, racist and frankly stupid.

Incorrect. Pakistanis do not speak Arabic. Arabic is the language of Arab countries. Pakistanis speak Urdu.

YOU are incorrect. Many Pakistanis learn Arabic as part of formal study of the Quran. When I lived in Pakistan, multiple Pakistani colleagues paid for their sons to have Quran lessons, and part of this learning Arabic. All of the mullahs know Arabic, and the imams.

Many Pakistanis don't learn Arabic, but many do. Many non-Arab Muslims who seriously study the Quran also learn it. Educate yourself.

Still can’t explain why wearing a Palestinian shirt is anti semitic all the mean while 60k Palestinians are killed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are new to private schools. Is it unusual for a school to just start a conversation about a school not being a good fit a few weeks before reenrollment contracts go out? Never had an indication it was a thought until a meeting today. There were no prior meetings indicating it was a possibility. Wondering if this is normally how the process works? I would think they would try to let families know in time to apply other places? Just wondering other experiences. Thanks in advance.

Yes. And for some kids towards the end of the year. In my kids’ lower school 2 families were counseled out of improper fit. One because the child needed more support (LDs) than the school could reasonably supply. The other because the parents made some racist comments about Jews - they were Arabic but not Palestinian (Pakistani). The kid told some Jewish kids terrible things and the parents sent him to school on a free dress day with a Palestine shirt. The school wasn’t a good fit for him and his family. In our upper school the only kids I know that were counseled out had reputations for being “druggies”.

The above bolded comments are racist 1) Arabic is a language Arab is an ethnicity 2) Palestinians and Pakistanis are not confused for one another and 3) Pakistani’s do not speak Arabic nor are they Arab they are Pakistani and speak Arabic. Maybe the school should council you out as your comments are extremely offensive, racist and frankly stupid.

Incorrect. Pakistanis do not speak Arabic. Arabic is the language of Arab countries. Pakistanis speak Urdu.

YOU are incorrect. Many Pakistanis learn Arabic as part of formal study of the Quran. When I lived in Pakistan, multiple Pakistani colleagues paid for their sons to have Quran lessons, and part of this learning Arabic. All of the mullahs know Arabic, and the imams.

Many Pakistanis don't learn Arabic, but many do. Many non-Arab Muslims who seriously study the Quran also learn it. Educate yourself.

Still can’t explain why wearing a Palestinian shirt is anti semitic all the mean while 60k Palestinians are killed.

Consider it in the context of the past comments by the kid who is wearing it. Clothing shouldn’t be political or offensive. In this case it appears intentionally inflammatory. What school would be okay with this?