Being Counseled Out

[Anonymous]

At our kid’s school, kid asked to leave after junior year due to failing a required class. The school’s position was that it didn’t offer it during the summer, it was a core class, and the school requires all core classes to be taken at school taught by school personnel. The school would not let the kid take the class senior year. (The school told me directly. It came up when I asked about having my kid take a class over the summer.) I was shocked. At some schools, it doesn’t take much to be asked to leave. But do call around.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Oops not my kid who was asked to leave. Another kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For PP who said you’ve been done this road but not counseled out what did you end up doing?

We stayed the whole way K-8, but there were several pretty rough years when the school called us in for frequent meetings, we made “plans” with the learning specialist to address issues, hired aides/tutors/specialists to appease the school (child had a shadow for a little while in early elementary), etc. Other families we knew were counseled out and I always felt we were borderline. It was intensely stressful and isolating.

The reason we didn’t leave is I couldn’t identify another school I thought was a good fit and the kid in question wasn’t the only kid we had at the school. But in retrospect I don’t know if it was the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For PP who said you’ve been done this road but not counseled out what did you end up doing?

We stayed the whole way K-8, but there were several pretty rough years when the school called us in for frequent meetings, we made “plans” with the learning specialist to address issues, hired aides/tutors/specialists to appease the school (child had a shadow for a little while in early elementary), etc. Other families we knew were counseled out and I always felt we were borderline. It was intensely stressful and isolating.

The reason we didn’t leave is I couldn’t identify another school I thought was a good fit and the kid in question wasn’t the only kid we had at the school. But in retrospect I don’t know if it was the right thing.

We are in this position now and wondering if we should just leave. We’ve done everything the school has asked and our child loves their friends. We feel isolated and as if everyone hates us and wish we weren’t there. We have other children at the school too. It would be an easy decision if our child wanted to leave . We don’t know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bad PR indeed. I would never want to send my child to a school that would so carelessly disregard them.

The PR isn’t as bad as you’d think because the cover it up with “not a good fit” which could mean anything, and parents feel humiliated so try not to say much. It’s the reason it continues this way instead of privates being forced to add more supports.

Isn’t it funny, in private you pay tuition and are then expected to pay for outside supports and have to hope it’s enough for you to stay. But in public, funding cuts happen all the time and yet there is still an expectation for all the supports needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I want to thank you for all of the helpful replies. In terms of the counseling out, it is that they are holding the contract and will come up with a plan. No plan has been shared as of yet. The December incident did not involve any other children and had to do with speaking disrespectfully (seriously, not yelling/cursing but speaking rudely and it was dealt with-not excusing DC). I think it may have more to do with academics but waiting to hear as that was also unclear. I really just wanted to see if this is how things usually happened as we were thrown but this is our first experience with an independent school. Not a top private and one that is typically known to be more accommodating. It is sad that DC loves the school, but we will look for other options. Appreciate the feedback.

I kind of can’t believe a kid who was doing fine suddenly said something quietly rude enough to trigger a behavior thing involving parents.

[Anonymous]

If the OPs child was rude to faculty or staff and he or she is not meeting academic expectations, then I’m not surprised that the conversation is starting. Public schools must accommodate everything and everyone. Private schools are not required to accommodate everything. Parents are paying for an environment with polite studious kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At our kid’s school, kid asked to leave after junior year due to failing a required class. The school’s position was that it didn’t offer it during the summer, it was a core class, and the school requires all core classes to be taken at school taught by school personnel. The school would not let the kid take the class senior year. (The school told me directly. It came up when I asked about having my kid take a class over the summer.) I was shocked. At some schools, it doesn’t take much to be asked to leave. But do call around.

They kicked out a kid for their senior year of HS?? That is just a sh!!tty thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a contract held back, but we worked with a therapist and had improvements, and were then offered one in April. Yes, conversation started in January. Stayed for a few more years. Private schools don’t want to deal with behavioral issues or ADHD at all, even minor things.

False. We have a few students with ADHD (mine included) and the school has been EXTREMELY supportive. My kids is polite and very well behaved, as are the others. It’s more the disruptive disrespectful kids that get counseled out.

Yes the kids with “ADHD” are fine. But actual ADHD not so much.

Kids with milder or less disruptive presentations of ADHD still have ADHD. Like many things, it’s a spectrum.

Not really.

Yes really. I’m not sure spectrum is the right word, but just because YOU haven’t observed disruptive behavior in a child doesn’t mean they don’t have ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For PP who said you’ve been done this road but not counseled out what did you end up doing?

We stayed the whole way K-8, but there were several pretty rough years when the school called us in for frequent meetings, we made “plans” with the learning specialist to address issues, hired aides/tutors/specialists to appease the school (child had a shadow for a little while in early elementary), etc. Other families we knew were counseled out and I always felt we were borderline. It was intensely stressful and isolating.

The reason we didn’t leave is I couldn’t identify another school I thought was a good fit and the kid in question wasn’t the only kid we had at the school. But in retrospect I don’t know if it was the right thing.

We are in this position now and wondering if we should just leave. We’ve done everything the school has asked and our child loves their friends. We feel isolated and as if everyone hates us and wish we weren’t there. We have other children at the school too. It would be an easy decision if our child wanted to leave . We don’t know what to do.

I'm the K-8 poster from above. My heart goes out to you, and I mean that sincerely. The level of stress I remember was unreal - and the calls from the school during the workday were the worst.

I don't think there's a great answer. It depends what your other options are. For my kid (complex profile) I felt like there was no "good" school option, that OK/middling was the best I was going to find for him. But it was like a C- experience a lot of the time.

It def gets harder as they get older and the friendships are more established. good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our kid’s school, kid asked to leave after junior year due to failing a required class. The school’s position was that it didn’t offer it during the summer, it was a core class, and the school requires all core classes to be taken at school taught by school personnel. The school would not let the kid take the class senior year. (The school told me directly. It came up when I asked about having my kid take a class over the summer.) I was shocked. At some schools, it doesn’t take much to be asked to leave. But do call around.

They kicked out a kid for their senior year of HS?? That is just a sh!!tty thing to do.

It sounds like the kid failed out, essentially. Would it have been kind of the school to compromise in some way? Sure, but they aren’t required to. A graduation requirement is a graduation requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a contract held back, but we worked with a therapist and had improvements, and were then offered one in April. Yes, conversation started in January. Stayed for a few more years. Private schools don’t want to deal with behavioral issues or ADHD at all, even minor things.

False. We have a few students with ADHD (mine included) and the school has been EXTREMELY supportive. My kids is polite and very well behaved, as are the others. It’s more the disruptive disrespectful kids that get counseled out.

Yes the kids with “ADHD” are fine. But actual ADHD not so much.

Kids with milder or less disruptive presentations of ADHD still have ADHD. Like many things, it’s a spectrum.

Not really.

Yes really. I’m not sure spectrum is the right word, but just because YOU haven’t observed disruptive behavior in a child doesn’t mean they don’t have ADHD.

Maybe I should have said continuum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At our kid’s school, kid asked to leave after junior year due to failing a required class. The school’s position was that it didn’t offer it during the summer, it was a core class, and the school requires all core classes to be taken at school taught by school personnel. The school would not let the kid take the class senior year. (The school told me directly. It came up when I asked about having my kid take a class over the summer.) I was shocked. At some schools, it doesn’t take much to be asked to leave. But do call around.

counseling a kid out before junior year for academic reasons like that is horrible. did your kid have violence/drug/absentee/sexual harassment etc history?

[Anonymous]

How old is your child, op? Is it a k-6/8 or 12?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There weren’t. We had one incident of behavior in December but it was relatively minor and did not seem like a big deal. Nothing at the parent conference in November.

Curious to know your definition of “minor” and whether that aligns with the school’s definition of same.