Being Counseled Out

[Anonymous]

There are different levels of being counseled out. There’s the softer “things need to be addressed/change and we are monitoring the progress or lack there of” type of counseling out which is more of a long term process and there’s the “we are not inviting you back for the next school year.” Which describes your situation, OP?

In my experience, it’s pretty rare to be blindsided by either of these types of counseling out.

[Anonymous]

Did they say they’re not going to offer you reenrollment contract? When do they come out? I would definitely expect that the school would give you multiple warnings and you would not be blindsided

[Anonymous]

This happened to our DS a few years ago. The school made the decision to hold off on offering reenrollment. The first instinct of many parents is to double down and fight to keep their kid in the same school. Not us. We immediately applied DS (and DD) to another school. A fresh start elsewhere was most definitely the best outcome. The grass was a lot greener on the other side of the fence. Just because the application deadline has passed, it doesn't mean your kid is locked out. Start exploring the alternatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are new to private schools. Is it unusual for a school to just start a conversation about a school not being a good fit a few weeks before reenrollment contracts go out? Never had an indication it was a thought until a meeting today. There were no prior meetings indicating it was a possibility. Wondering if this is normally how the process works? I would think they would try to let families know in time to apply other places? Just wondering other experiences. Thanks in advance.

Yes. And for some kids towards the end of the year. In my kids’ lower school 2 families were counseled out of improper fit. One because the child needed more support (LDs) than the school could reasonably supply. The other because the parents made some racist comments about Jews - they were Arabic but not Palestinian (Pakistani). The kid told some Jewish kids terrible things and the parents sent him to school on a free dress day with a Palestine shirt. The school wasn’t a good fit for him and his family. In our upper school the only kids I know that were counseled out had reputations for being “druggies”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a contract held back, but we worked with a therapist and had improvements, and were then offered one in April. Yes, conversation started in January. Stayed for a few more years. Private schools don’t want to deal with behavioral issues or ADHD at all, even minor things.

False. We have a few students with ADHD (mine included) and the school has been EXTREMELY supportive. My kids is polite and very well behaved, as are the others. It’s more the disruptive disrespectful kids that get counseled out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a contract held back, but we worked with a therapist and had improvements, and were then offered one in April. Yes, conversation started in January. Stayed for a few more years. Private schools don’t want to deal with behavioral issues or ADHD at all, even minor things.

False. We have a few students with ADHD (mine included) and the school has been EXTREMELY supportive. My kids is polite and very well behaved, as are the others. It’s more the disruptive disrespectful kids that get counseled out.

Not entirely true/false. Some schools counsel out some students with LDs, including ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Love when schools notify families when it’s too late to fully participate in the admissions cycle for the upcoming school year.

[Anonymous]

Curious which school--We have a similar thing going on at our school and wondering if this is the school's way of doing things right now.

[Anonymous]

I have heard, schools can just not send you a re-enrollment contract. Usually for behaviors or academic concerns. I've seen kids with dyslexia counseled out at our K-8, but parents are given notice and kids are given supports to see if it helps, so don't think it's a surprise.

Our K-8 works with ADHD kids. Of course they will suspend a kid for hitting. Seems for the most part, adhd kids hit each other, so parents don't make a huge fuss.

Think the top 4 schools likely don't put up with that as the parents there really get upset.

So sorry this is happening to you OP! Definitely ask the school what is going on as you can still put in applications as some private schools have rolling admissions (generally the ones that don't fill)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes. And for some kids towards the end of the year. In my kids’ lower school 2 families were counseled out of improper fit. One because the child needed more support (LDs) than the school could reasonably supply. The other because the parents made some racist comments about Jews - they were Arabic but not Palestinian (Pakistani). The kid told some Jewish kids terrible things and the parents sent him to school on a free dress day with a Palestine shirt. The school wasn’t a good fit for him and his family. In our upper school the only kids I know that were counseled out had reputations for being “druggies”.

I assume you mean they were brown and Muslim, Pakistan is not an Arabic-speaking country and Pakistanis are not Arab except for a very small minority population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The incident in December is probably more problematic than you think. People are paying $$$ for private school to escape the behavior that public school teachers can’t kick out of their classroom.

I bet the other family decided to make a big stink about it. I know from conversations with my relative with a kid in private and my own experience that a lot of this turns on whether the other parent/s decide to gang up on your kid.

Agree with this. Even more so if parents are big donors or on board.

[Anonymous]

What grade, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The incident in December is probably more problematic than you think. People are paying $$$ for private school to escape the behavior that public school teachers can’t kick out of their classroom.

This.

Parents have a way of downplaying, including in their own mind, their child's problematic behavior. Something OP thinks is not a big deal is potentially something the teachers/school is not willing to put up with.

OP -- what happened in Dec?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love when schools notify families when it’s too late to fully participate in the admissions cycle for the upcoming school year.

It’s kind of no-win. The schools are usually trying to do what they can to confirm a problem can’t be fixed before telling a family the student isn’t welcome back. They’d really have to start the process by October if they are going to counsel out before application deadlines, but then families will complain that the student wasn’t given a fair chance or the family wasn’t given time to address the issue.

[Anonymous]

Whatever happens, it’ll be ok. Often these things are a favor in retrospect. Sometimes you don’t realize how poorly a school was suiting your child until you’re somewhere else.