Accomplished woman trying to date after a long marriage - men are drawn primarily to my caregiving abilities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a unicorn looking for a unicorn. Do yourself a favor and go younger: 40-50s.

Assortative mating, OP. You’ll find your unicorn!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - this is your presentation of yourself, and how you feel about yourself. As an accomplished professional. And you meet the men who look at you as a potential employee for the job - caring for him

You need to engage your feminine energy more, and start feeling yourself feminine. How often do you have sex, think about sex, buy new bathing suits and dresses, change your hair color? Can you discuss sexual preferences on date 3-4 when time is right?

I have a different issue: I mostly have very intense sexual relationships with men my age, but can't fall into them as I need the next partner not to be bored. I was married for 19 years and gate being tied up to a specific man, confined to anything besides what I want.

Jesus, log off already. Whoever OP attracts by changing herself so dramatically will end up making her miserable or resenting her as who she really is eventually comes out.

It’s not about changing herself. HER SELF is an office professional.
Other women (who might be no less accomplished) identify themselves as feminine sexual beings in the first place. It’s great to be high achieving but it shouldn’t be the main focus of her personal story at these dates .

Whatever matters to her most absolutely should be what she leads off with. Any man who can't handle that or who resents that is going to be a waste of her time. People like you need to stop giving advice on how to land the man of your dreams and stop focusing on what other people actually need.

The man OP is looking for will find it breathtaking how dedicated she is to her achievements and how far she has come in her career. He'll be excited at the thought of bringing his work ethic to the dynamic and knowing he's found a kindred spirit to work hard and play hard with. He's the type who is turned off by women who don't take themselves seriously enough and who think setting and accomplishing goals is for younger people.

You are delusional. That man you are describing doesn’t exist. If she is unwilling to change, she will stay single forever. Maybe she should start dating women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are under 50, why in the world are you looking at guys in their 60s??

OP here. I guess because XH is in that age group. He is another busy professional (not lawyer) and we talked constantly about his work (not mine, though, he being a narcissist).

People of any gender who talk constantly about work are boring AF.

Maybe. But it’s definitely more interesting than their health problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - this is your presentation of yourself, and how you feel about yourself. As an accomplished professional. And you meet the men who look at you as a potential employee for the job - caring for him

You need to engage your feminine energy more, and start feeling yourself feminine. How often do you have sex, think about sex, buy new bathing suits and dresses, change your hair color? Can you discuss sexual preferences on date 3-4 when time is right?

I have a different issue: I mostly have very intense sexual relationships with men my age, but can't fall into them as I need the next partner not to be bored. I was married for 19 years and gate being tied up to a specific man, confined to anything besides what I want.

Jesus, log off already. Whoever OP attracts by changing herself so dramatically will end up making her miserable or resenting her as who she really is eventually comes out.

It’s not about changing herself. HER SELF is an office professional.
Other women (who might be no less accomplished) identify themselves as feminine sexual beings in the first place. It’s great to be high achieving but it shouldn’t be the main focus of her personal story at these dates .

Whatever matters to her most absolutely should be what she leads off with. Any man who can't handle that or who resents that is going to be a waste of her time. People like you need to stop giving advice on how to land the man of your dreams and stop focusing on what other people actually need.

The man OP is looking for will find it breathtaking how dedicated she is to her achievements and how far she has come in her career. He'll be excited at the thought of bringing his work ethic to the dynamic and knowing he's found a kindred spirit to work hard and play hard with. He's the type who is turned off by women who don't take themselves seriously enough and who think setting and accomplishing goals is for younger people.

You are delusional. That man you are describing doesn’t exist. If she is unwilling to change, she will stay single forever. Maybe she should start dating women.

The man OP wants allegedly doesn't exist...Thus, she should make herself over to be what you think she should be so she can attract a man she doesn't want? Makes sense!

[Anonymous]

OP, You seem rather full of yourself and a bragger. Not a good look.

[Anonymous]

The saying is that after a certain age men want "a nurse or a purse" OP.

Either an older guy who wants someone to take care of them, or a younger guy who needs money.

I'm sure you can find someone else, but it may take a longer time.

[Anonymous]

What do you actually mean by caregiving? Are you offering right off the bat to make them elaborate meals, change their bedsheets, and their adult diapers when the time comes? I think you’re putting out the wrong vibe entirely. You’re trying too hard to sell yourself, or at least that’s what these men are picking up on. Make them impress YOU. Never once did that come up in your post. Bring the vibe of, What do you bring to the table?

[Anonymous]

Date your age.

[Anonymous]

You really shocked me that you are so intelligent and haven’t figured this out. Older men want caretakers. This is true for hundreds of years.

This should not surprise you. Even my grandmother in her 90s when I was divorced, I don’t date older men. No kidding. I already knew I didn’t wanna be a nurse with a purse. I am 48. I don’t even date my age. I date younger for a reason. I never remarry again, and I’m not going to be a nurse with a purse and I’m smart enough to know that I’m not getting over with a marriage. If you are dating men at your age or older, you should expect that this is what they want and if you don’t want to do that, then you shouldn’t take them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. At the risk of going off on a tangent, guys seem to talk mostly about themselves. After a few questions (mostly about my breakup) not many are doing a deep dive into anything related to me. However, they enthusiastically talk about themselves, and in great detail.

It's so incredibly tedious--I just can't anymore with men. The selfish behavior is such a huge turnoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are not attracted to women’s accomplishments. Being a lawyer is likely viewed as a negative by most single guys. You could probably find a guy who is interested in your money, but you wouldn’t want that either.

Some are. DH, who has a successful career, brags to his friends about mine. He wouldn't date someone without a career. I think it's because his mom is very intelligent and worked, and he has no tolerance for mediocrity.

[Anonymous]

Old men need a nurse and a purse. And an occasional hug and a tug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a PhD and a JD, own my law firm, own a beautiful home, and have a wide range of interests.
I am almost 50 y.o. and trying to date after a long marriage. Strangely, the guys 10+ years older than me seem to be drawn primarily to my ability and willingness to put a lot of effort into them, which from their point of view translates to caregiving and getting done everything in day-to-day life. I get to hear a lot about their health issues.

Quite disappointing... At this stage of my life dating is very different than 25 years ago when it was all about building a family and a future together.

Anybody else had this experience?

At the same time, I am not willing to date men much younger than me. Not interested in casual affairs with 30 somethings.

Men my age seem to want to date only younger...

Strong independent woman like you don't need no man. Why are your dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a PhD and a JD, own my law firm, own a beautiful home, and have a wide range of interests.
I am almost 50 y.o. and trying to date after a long marriage. Strangely, the guys 10+ years older than me seem to be drawn primarily to my ability and willingness to put a lot of effort into them, which from their point of view translates to caregiving and getting done everything in day-to-day life. I get to hear a lot about their health issues.

Quite disappointing... At this stage of my life dating is very different than 25 years ago when it was all about building a family and a future together.

Anybody else had this experience?

At the same time, I am not willing to date men much younger than me. Not interested in casual affairs with 30 somethings.

Men my age seem to want to date only younger...

Date someone younger by at least 15 years. You can impress them and you can also have control over the relationship. Younger men are more likely to be impressed with what you have accomplished. They are also more likely to listen to your needs and meet them.

I say this as a 50 years old man. I'm the worst fit for you for the reasons you listed.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I can’t begin to understand why any woman your age and accomplishments would want to date.

Now if you didn’t have any money and couldn’t provide a decent lifestyle I’d understand. Men traditionally are providers. If you’re a modern woman with her own career you don’t need a man. Men often come with significant downsides.

There is something amiss if you seriously exited a long marriage, have a career and want to date.