Accomplished woman trying to date after a long marriage - men are drawn primarily to my caregiving abilities

[Anonymous]

If you are under 50, why in the world are you looking at guys in their 60s??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are under 50, why in the world are you looking at guys in their 60s??

Agreed, this is the biggest mistake OP is making. Men in their 60s seem to regress to the same level as men in their teens: delusional, lazy, and rude as hell. I get that some men below age 50 are looking for girls their children's age, but those men should be dead to OP anyway. Anyone who is a borderline pedophile or other type of nasty loser shouldn't exist to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Just pointing out the obvious but you are probably mostly dating retired men, they have left the world of work behind or soon will. So they are much less interested in the professional sphere and are basically looking for a woman who still wants to have sex and will be a nice companion for them.

OP here. That may be true, but their lack of empathy bothers me. They don't seem to recognize that my profession is a big part of my life. There are no questions about how my day was at the office, what my current issues are, what work changes am I grappling with.

Was your husband also a lawyer or in some kind of very similar profession?
I am a doctor married to another doctor, and talking shop is a big part of our marriage. We can ask each other for support when someone dies, tell each other funny (albiet very dark) stories, and ask for help with professional conflicts.
It would be really hard to be in a relationship that didn’t have that.

[Anonymous]

You are a unicorn looking for a unicorn. Do yourself a favor and go younger: 40-50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a unicorn looking for a unicorn. Do yourself a favor and go younger: 40-50s.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are under 50, why in the world are you looking at guys in their 60s??

OP here. I guess because XH is in that age group. He is another busy professional (not lawyer) and we talked constantly about his work (not mine, though, he being a narcissist).

[Anonymous]

Men are not attracted to women’s accomplishments. Being a lawyer is likely viewed as a negative by most single guys. You could probably find a guy who is interested in your money, but you wouldn’t want that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Just pointing out the obvious but you are probably mostly dating retired men, they have left the world of work behind or soon will. So they are much less interested in the professional sphere and are basically looking for a woman who still wants to have sex and will be a nice companion for them.

OP here. That may be true, but their lack of empathy bothers me. They don't seem to recognize that my profession is a big part of my life. There are no questions about how my day was at the office, what my current issues are, what work changes am I grappling with.

Older people are more focused on their health, what can help them improve their health etc. Nobody cares about your profession as long as you are able to take care of your financial needs independently. If you are that successful you should have already earned 80% of your assets and pretty much ready for retirement at 50.

OP here. I am not planning to retire at 50, I hope to work for another 20 years. I have built up a great momentum professionally, I wouldn't be happy quitting in the near future.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I am totally confused. What does “caretaking“ mean in this scenario? From your posts, I am gathering that these guys are mostly self-absorbed and not asking you about the things that are important to you. Do I have that right? I guess I don’t think of that as caretaking on your part, just selfishness and lack of insight on their part. Which yes, is a huge turn off. You definitely need to meet different guys, dating is merely a numbers game. Also remember that the men that are single at our age are often troubled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are not attracted to women’s accomplishments. Being a lawyer is likely viewed as a negative by most single guys. You could probably find a guy who is interested in your money, but you wouldn’t want that either.

lol good luck dating in DC then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Just pointing out the obvious but you are probably mostly dating retired men, they have left the world of work behind or soon will. So they are much less interested in the professional sphere and are basically looking for a woman who still wants to have sex and will be a nice companion for them.

OP here. That may be true, but their lack of empathy bothers me. They don't seem to recognize that my profession is a big part of my life. There are no questions about how my day was at the office, what my current issues are, what work changes am I grappling with.

Are you only now at 50 learning that most men are self-absorbed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are under 50, why in the world are you looking at guys in their 60s??

OP here. I guess because XH is in that age group. He is another busy professional (not lawyer) and we talked constantly about his work (not mine, though, he being a narcissist).

People of any gender who talk constantly about work are boring AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are not attracted to women’s accomplishments. Being a lawyer is likely viewed as a negative by most single guys. You could probably find a guy who is interested in your money, but you wouldn’t want that either.

Yeah, a lot of people don’t like lawyers. If I were in the dating pool again I wouldn’t swipe right on one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. At the risk of going off on a tangent, guys seem to talk mostly about themselves. After a few questions (mostly about my breakup) not many are doing a deep dive into anything related to me. However, they enthusiastically talk about themselves, and in great detail.

that's how most men are, period.

Also, what do you expect from older men? Their health is declining; they want to know if you can take care of them.

This is why I tell younger women NOT to date/marry much much older men. DH is six years old than me; we are 50s/60s, and this difference is starting to show.

I just read an article about how people generally decline in health after 65. So, most of the retirement is spent not in good health. That's why they are talking to you about care giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are under 50, why in the world are you looking at guys in their 60s??

OP here. I guess because XH is in that age group. He is another busy professional (not lawyer) and we talked constantly about his work (not mine, though, he being a narcissist).

People of any gender who talk constantly about work are boring AF.

A man who negged me for being invested in my job is an instant red flag.