Accomplished woman trying to date after a long marriage - men are drawn primarily to my caregiving abilities

[Anonymous]

OP, stop dating men who are so much older. You want to be a nurse and a purse? No? Then date men from aged 45 to 55. If there aren't that many who want to date you, then go on fewer dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - this is your presentation of yourself, and how you feel about yourself. As an accomplished professional. And you meet the men who look at you as a potential employee for the job - caring for him

You need to engage your feminine energy more, and start feeling yourself feminine. How often do you have sex, think about sex, buy new bathing suits and dresses, change your hair color? Can you discuss sexual preferences on date 3-4 when time is right?

I have a different issue: I mostly have very intense sexual relationships with men my age, but can't fall into them as I need the next partner not to be bored. I was married for 19 years and gate being tied up to a specific man, confined to anything besides what I want.

How often do you buy new bathing suits? Are you serious 😂?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Just pointing out the obvious but you are probably mostly dating retired men, they have left the world of work behind or soon will. So they are much less interested in the professional sphere and are basically looking for a woman who still wants to have sex and will be a nice companion for them.

OP here. That may be true, but their lack of empathy bothers me. They don't seem to recognize that my profession is a big part of my life. There are no questions about how my day was at the office, what my current issues are, what work changes am I grappling with.

Older people are more focused on their health, what can help them improve their health etc. Nobody cares about your profession as long as you are able to take care of your financial needs independently. If you are that successful you should have already earned 80% of your assets and pretty much ready for retirement at 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Just pointing out the obvious but you are probably mostly dating retired men, they have left the world of work behind or soon will. So they are much less interested in the professional sphere and are basically looking for a woman who still wants to have sex and will be a nice companion for them.

OP here. That may be true, but their lack of empathy bothers me. They don't seem to recognize that my profession is a big part of my life. There are no questions about how my day was at the office, what my current issues are, what work changes am I grappling with.

Talking about work, especially with someone you don’t work with, is boring.

-accomplished woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is a little confusing. The title of your post suggests that you define yourself by your accomplishments. And your first paragraph is all about that. Then you say that dating earlier iwas all about building a family (which doesn't have to do much with professional accomplishments).

Why are you surprised that men are drawn to your personal rather than professional capabilities? What men were ever impressed or turned on by a woman's professional accomplishments? Of course men in their 60s on up are going to care about how good you are at caregiving, they're not interested in your ability to raise kids or build a family.

It may be that you are turning off men your own age by making them feel small.

OP here. That's an interesting take. No, I don't define myself by my professional accomplishments. I have mentioned that I have wide-ranging interests. I have also successfully raised and launched well-adjusted children. It's just that I'm surprised that none of that really matters; to 60+ y.o men it comes down to homemaking, caregiving, companionship and (comparative) youth.

You don’t seem very self aware. You say you don’t define yourself by your professional accomplishments but that’s literally your title and first paragraph and only thing you say about yourself in your first post.

Now that you’ve been called on it, you drip-drop out some other details, you know, like the trolls around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your post is a little confusing. The title of your post suggests that you define yourself by your accomplishments. And your first paragraph is all about that. Then you say that dating earlier iwas all about building a family (which doesn't have to do much with professional accomplishments).

Why are you surprised that men are drawn to your personal rather than professional capabilities? What men were ever impressed or turned on by a woman's professional accomplishments? Of course men in their 60s on up are going to care about how good you are at caregiving, they're not interested in your ability to raise kids or build a family.

It may be that you are turning off men your own age by making them feel small.

Are we still giving women this type of regressive, utterly dumb advice? Any man who is capable of feeling small in comparison to accomplished woman is the exact kind of man she should never, ever be with. People like you have landed so many women in unhappy relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is a little confusing. The title of your post suggests that you define yourself by your accomplishments. And your first paragraph is all about that. Then you say that dating earlier iwas all about building a family (which doesn't have to do much with professional accomplishments).

Why are you surprised that men are drawn to your personal rather than professional capabilities? What men were ever impressed or turned on by a woman's professional accomplishments? Of course men in their 60s on up are going to care about how good you are at caregiving, they're not interested in your ability to raise kids or build a family.

It may be that you are turning off men your own age by making them feel small.

OP here. That's an interesting take. No, I don't define myself by my professional accomplishments. I have mentioned that I have wide-ranging interests. I have also successfully raised and launched well-adjusted children. It's just that I'm surprised that none of that really matters; to 60+ y.o men it comes down to homemaking, caregiving, companionship and (comparative) youth.

You don’t seem very self aware. You say you don’t define yourself by your professional accomplishments but that’s literally your title and first paragraph and only thing you say about yourself in your first post.

Now that you’ve been called on it, you drip-drop out some other details, you know, like the trolls around here.

NP. You need to go finish your GED or handle whatever deficiency it is that has you so threatened that OP is accomplished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - this is your presentation of yourself, and how you feel about yourself. As an accomplished professional. And you meet the men who look at you as a potential employee for the job - caring for him

You need to engage your feminine energy more, and start feeling yourself feminine. How often do you have sex, think about sex, buy new bathing suits and dresses, change your hair color? Can you discuss sexual preferences on date 3-4 when time is right?

I have a different issue: I mostly have very intense sexual relationships with men my age, but can't fall into them as I need the next partner not to be bored. I was married for 19 years and gate being tied up to a specific man, confined to anything besides what I want.

Jesus, log off already. Whoever OP attracts by changing herself so dramatically will end up making her miserable or resenting her as who she really is eventually comes out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is a little confusing. The title of your post suggests that you define yourself by your accomplishments. And your first paragraph is all about that. Then you say that dating earlier iwas all about building a family (which doesn't have to do much with professional accomplishments).

Why are you surprised that men are drawn to your personal rather than professional capabilities? What men were ever impressed or turned on by a woman's professional accomplishments? Of course men in their 60s on up are going to care about how good you are at caregiving, they're not interested in your ability to raise kids or build a family.

It may be that you are turning off men your own age by making them feel small.

OP here. That's an interesting take. No, I don't define myself by my professional accomplishments. I have mentioned that I have wide-ranging interests. I have also successfully raised and launched well-adjusted children. It's just that I'm surprised that none of that really matters; to 60+ y.o men it comes down to homemaking, caregiving, companionship and (comparative) youth.

You don’t seem very self aware. You say you don’t define yourself by your professional accomplishments but that’s literally your title and first paragraph and only thing you say about yourself in your first post.

Now that you’ve been called on it, you drip-drop out some other details, you know, like the trolls around here.

NP. You need to go finish your GED or handle whatever deficiency it is that has you so threatened that OP is accomplished.

I’m a woman, an accomplished one at that. No one is threatened. It’s boring as hell to talk about your work on a date. I doubly feel that about men who do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Just pointing out the obvious but you are probably mostly dating retired men, they have left the world of work behind or soon will. So they are much less interested in the professional sphere and are basically looking for a woman who still wants to have sex and will be a nice companion for them.

OP here. That may be true, but their lack of empathy bothers me. They don't seem to recognize that my profession is a big part of my life. There are no questions about how my day was at the office, what my current issues are, what work changes am I grappling with.

Stay away from these losers. As you should've learned from your divorce, it is better to be alone than badly accompanied. You're too old and you should be too smart to be trying to modify yourself to cater to some jerk or "relaxing" your expectations to accommodate a market full of narcissists. You should only be settling down if the man who fits who you are and exactly what will make you happy shows up. So, spend a lot of time thinking about who would fit you and go to therapy if you're not sure. Then make sure whoever you end up with next is that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is a little confusing. The title of your post suggests that you define yourself by your accomplishments. And your first paragraph is all about that. Then you say that dating earlier iwas all about building a family (which doesn't have to do much with professional accomplishments).

Why are you surprised that men are drawn to your personal rather than professional capabilities? What men were ever impressed or turned on by a woman's professional accomplishments? Of course men in their 60s on up are going to care about how good you are at caregiving, they're not interested in your ability to raise kids or build a family.

It may be that you are turning off men your own age by making them feel small.

OP here. That's an interesting take. No, I don't define myself by my professional accomplishments. I have mentioned that I have wide-ranging interests. I have also successfully raised and launched well-adjusted children. It's just that I'm surprised that none of that really matters; to 60+ y.o men it comes down to homemaking, caregiving, companionship and (comparative) youth.

You don’t seem very self aware. You say you don’t define yourself by your professional accomplishments but that’s literally your title and first paragraph and only thing you say about yourself in your first post.

Now that you’ve been called on it, you drip-drop out some other details, you know, like the trolls around here.

NP. You need to go finish your GED or handle whatever deficiency it is that has you so threatened that OP is accomplished.

I’m a woman, an accomplished one at that. No one is threatened. It’s boring as hell to talk about your work on a date. I doubly feel that about men who do so.

Narcissism is the only thing you're coming off as accomplished that. I don't know why you have such a hard time understanding that OP is not you and is not trying to date you. What you find boring on a date is irrelevant here. If talking about her extensive collection of marbles gathered all over the world is what will make OP fulfilled in love, then your advice should be structured towards helping her achieve that, not towards breaking her down and convincing her she has to be someone different to date the way you think is proper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - this is your presentation of yourself, and how you feel about yourself. As an accomplished professional. And you meet the men who look at you as a potential employee for the job - caring for him

You need to engage your feminine energy more, and start feeling yourself feminine. How often do you have sex, think about sex, buy new bathing suits and dresses, change your hair color? Can you discuss sexual preferences on date 3-4 when time is right?

I have a different issue: I mostly have very intense sexual relationships with men my age, but can't fall into them as I need the next partner not to be bored. I was married for 19 years and gate being tied up to a specific man, confined to anything besides what I want.

Jesus, log off already. Whoever OP attracts by changing herself so dramatically will end up making her miserable or resenting her as who she really is eventually comes out.

It’s not about changing herself. HER SELF is an office professional.
Other women (who might be no less accomplished) identify themselves as feminine sexual beings in the first place. It’s great to be high achieving but it shouldn’t be the main focus of her personal story at these dates .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is a little confusing. The title of your post suggests that you define yourself by your accomplishments. And your first paragraph is all about that. Then you say that dating earlier iwas all about building a family (which doesn't have to do much with professional accomplishments).

Why are you surprised that men are drawn to your personal rather than professional capabilities? What men were ever impressed or turned on by a woman's professional accomplishments? Of course men in their 60s on up are going to care about how good you are at caregiving, they're not interested in your ability to raise kids or build a family.

It may be that you are turning off men your own age by making them feel small.

OP here. That's an interesting take. No, I don't define myself by my professional accomplishments. I have mentioned that I have wide-ranging interests. I have also successfully raised and launched well-adjusted children. It's just that I'm surprised that none of that really matters; to 60+ y.o men it comes down to homemaking, caregiving, companionship and (comparative) youth.

You don’t seem very self aware. You say you don’t define yourself by your professional accomplishments but that’s literally your title and first paragraph and only thing you say about yourself in your first post.

Now that you’ve been called on it, you drip-drop out some other details, you know, like the trolls around here.

NP. You need to go finish your GED or handle whatever deficiency it is that has you so threatened that OP is accomplished.

I’m a woman, an accomplished one at that. No one is threatened. It’s boring as hell to talk about your work on a date. I doubly feel that about men who do so.

Narcissism is the only thing you're coming off as accomplished that. I don't know why you have such a hard time understanding that OP is not you and is not trying to date you. What you find boring on a date is irrelevant here. If talking about her extensive collection of marbles gathered all over the world is what will make OP fulfilled in love, then your advice should be structured towards helping her achieve that, not towards breaking her down and convincing her she has to be someone different to date the way you think is proper.

I’m willing to bet most people find work talk boring on dates. You sound very defensive- I guess that’s your style. You’ll note that OP has come back and tried to tell us she’s much more multi dimensional. You know, dripping out new info like a good troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - this is your presentation of yourself, and how you feel about yourself. As an accomplished professional. And you meet the men who look at you as a potential employee for the job - caring for him

You need to engage your feminine energy more, and start feeling yourself feminine. How often do you have sex, think about sex, buy new bathing suits and dresses, change your hair color? Can you discuss sexual preferences on date 3-4 when time is right?

I have a different issue: I mostly have very intense sexual relationships with men my age, but can't fall into them as I need the next partner not to be bored. I was married for 19 years and gate being tied up to a specific man, confined to anything besides what I want.

Jesus, log off already. Whoever OP attracts by changing herself so dramatically will end up making her miserable or resenting her as who she really is eventually comes out.

It’s not about changing herself. HER SELF is an office professional.
Other women (who might be no less accomplished) identify themselves as feminine sexual beings in the first place. It’s great to be high achieving but it shouldn’t be the main focus of her personal story at these dates .

Whatever matters to her most absolutely should be what she leads off with. Any man who can't handle that or who resents that is going to be a waste of her time. People like you need to stop giving advice on how to land the man of your dreams and stop focusing on what other people actually need.

The man OP is looking for will find it breathtaking how dedicated she is to her achievements and how far she has come in her career. He'll be excited at the thought of bringing his work ethic to the dynamic and knowing he's found a kindred spirit to work hard and play hard with. He's the type who is turned off by women who don't take themselves seriously enough and who think setting and accomplishing goals is for younger people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is a little confusing. The title of your post suggests that you define yourself by your accomplishments. And your first paragraph is all about that. Then you say that dating earlier iwas all about building a family (which doesn't have to do much with professional accomplishments).

Why are you surprised that men are drawn to your personal rather than professional capabilities? What men were ever impressed or turned on by a woman's professional accomplishments? Of course men in their 60s on up are going to care about how good you are at caregiving, they're not interested in your ability to raise kids or build a family.

It may be that you are turning off men your own age by making them feel small.

OP here. That's an interesting take. No, I don't define myself by my professional accomplishments. I have mentioned that I have wide-ranging interests. I have also successfully raised and launched well-adjusted children. It's just that I'm surprised that none of that really matters; to 60+ y.o men it comes down to homemaking, caregiving, companionship and (comparative) youth.

You don’t seem very self aware. You say you don’t define yourself by your professional accomplishments but that’s literally your title and first paragraph and only thing you say about yourself in your first post.

Now that you’ve been called on it, you drip-drop out some other details, you know, like the trolls around here.

NP. You need to go finish your GED or handle whatever deficiency it is that has you so threatened that OP is accomplished.

I’m a woman, an accomplished one at that. No one is threatened. It’s boring as hell to talk about your work on a date. I doubly feel that about men who do so.

Narcissism is the only thing you're coming off as accomplished that. I don't know why you have such a hard time understanding that OP is not you and is not trying to date you. What you find boring on a date is irrelevant here. If talking about her extensive collection of marbles gathered all over the world is what will make OP fulfilled in love, then your advice should be structured towards helping her achieve that, not towards breaking her down and convincing her she has to be someone different to date the way you think is proper.

I’m willing to bet most people find work talk boring on dates. You sound very defensive- I guess that’s your style. You’ll note that OP has come back and tried to tell us she’s much more multi dimensional. You know, dripping out new info like a good troll.

Yeah, no, we're not going to call her a troll because you came out attacking her in a very gendered, misogynistic way and she felt the need to defend herself. She should've told you to go pound sand, but I won't hold that against her. She might be a troll or she might not be, but that mean exchange you had with her reflects on you, not her.