New mom friend referred to my toddlers cough as “kennel cough”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kid was coughing that much I’d take them to the doctor.

She’s been to the doctor. She said it’s normal for coughs to last awhile. Her lungs are clear.

No, its not normal. She should have an xray or ct and sputum test.

I’ll be sure to tell my award winning pediatrician she’s wrong because anonymous 1:55 said so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The phrase "kennel cough" could be funny in another context. For instance if two moms with kids in daycare were commiserating over the germs their kids bring home, that would be very funny.

The issue here is not that she used that term, it's that she made a point of comparing your childcare setups and went out of her way to point out why hers is "better" than yours. That's obnoxious. It would have been easy to just say something sympathetic about your kid's cough without making the claim about how her child avoids such things thanks to her nanny's diligence.

If this is the only time she did the comparison thing, I would forget about it. But I have ended friendships with other moms who talk this way all the time (constantly comparing our kid's developmental stages, childcare, schools, activities, etc. -- it gets very old very fast).

It's not about "kennel cough" it's about the drawing the unnecessary, and only flattering to her, comparison.

The thing is when you send your child to daycare you have zero control over who actually watches your child. If my nanny was on her phone all day I’d simply fire her, because I have that option. Daycare parents do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the comment on its own is NBD. But if she’s subtly implying she’s got a better childcare set up frequently like you seem to think, it’s going to be hard to be friends.

I remember a few moms who I guess were insecure or something and talked about how amazing their nanny was and how fantastic it was for their kid etc. and i was always biting my tongue so hard because those nanny’s spent a lot of time looking at their phone…it was sort of like that wife who is talking about how hot their balding chubby husband is and how so many women are flirting with him.

I was good with our decision to do daycare though we staggered our hours so it wouldn’t be a super long day.

I had a similar experience. A good friend of mine made a big deal when she went back to work, saying that it didn't make sense for moms to stay home because they lack experience with "childhood development" and that's why she had gotten her child a professional nanny. I was a SAHM at the time (stayed home for the first couple years) and her words really stung at the time because I'd *just* made the decision to stay home and was still feeling unsure about it.

Then I used to see her kid with her nanny all the time at the library and the playground and even had them over to my house several times for playdates, and I completely stopped feeling bad about it. Her nanny was fine but no better than a SAHM. She spent a lot of time on her phone or gossiping with other nannies, which most nannies do. She was also good with my friend's daughter and clearly caring. It worked out because my friend wanted to go back to work and have her child well cared for, but their situation as not "better" than mine, just different.

People often project their insecurities by acting overconfident in their choices. A lot of the parenting choices that women get competitive order don't even have a clearly right and clearly wrong side -- it's just about what works for your family and sometimes what resources are available to you. People will try to assert they made all the right choices or give way more info about their thought process because they want the validation of someone saying "oh yeah, you did it the right way." But there is no right way with most of this stuff. If you are well off enough to be in a community where things like sleep training, working or staying home, having a nanny or using a daycare, are debatable choices, then you are already better off than like 99% of the global population and your kids will be fine. You have to get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's judging you for using daycare vice a nanny, yes you should be annoyed.

But don't worry, the overprotected nanny kids just spend all of kindergarten getting sick every other week. So it'll come around. Play the long game and hold you kennel cough comments back until they are 5.

This is some old wives tale that won't die out. Immune systems develop with age. So a 5 year old going to kindergarten has a much much stronger immune system than a baby / toddler starting daycare. Kids who don't go to daycare also still leave the house, go out in public and socialize and get exposed to all kinds of germs and bugs.

Stop repeating nonsense! If your 5 year olds immune system is still that of an infant / toddler, they should be under serious medical care.

You have a nanny at home and feel smug about the health of your children, don't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kid was coughing that much I’d take them to the doctor.

She’s been to the doctor. She said it’s normal for coughs to last awhile. Her lungs are clear.

No, its not normal. She should have an xray or ct and sputum test.

I’ll be sure to tell my award winning pediatrician she’s wrong because anonymous 1:55 said so

award winning. lolz

[Anonymous]

That is actually really funny.

[Anonymous]

Mean, competitive. She thinks she's better than you and letting you know. It is not a random comment. Awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The phrase "kennel cough" could be funny in another context. For instance if two moms with kids in daycare were commiserating over the germs their kids bring home, that would be very funny.

The issue here is not that she used that term, it's that she made a point of comparing your childcare setups and went out of her way to point out why hers is "better" than yours. That's obnoxious. It would have been easy to just say something sympathetic about your kid's cough without making the claim about how her child avoids such things thanks to her nanny's diligence.

If this is the only time she did the comparison thing, I would forget about it. But I have ended friendships with other moms who talk this way all the time (constantly comparing our kid's developmental stages, childcare, schools, activities, etc. -- it gets very old very fast).

It's not about "kennel cough" it's about the drawing the unnecessary, and only flattering to her, comparison.

The thing is when you send your child to daycare you have zero control over who actually watches your child. If my nanny was on her phone all day I’d simply fire her, because I have that option. Daycare parents do not.

Only someone who had never used daycare would say something this ignorant.

Of course you know and have control over who watches your child at a daycare. Do you think parents with kids in daycare don't meet the entire staff and know them all by name, and know which person their kid is with during the day? Are you under the impression that people drop their kid's off at daycare and a faceless army takes care of them? Of course not. You will know every single teacher in the daycare.

Daycare's also tend to be vastly more communicative about what happens during the day than nannies. Some daycares even have live feeds of parts of their facility parents can check in on. Most also use apps that send photos and updates throughout the day, so you'll know which other child your kid was playing with outside in the morning, or that a specific teacher changed their diaper after nap, etc.

Daycare workers are also supervised and usually not permitted to use their phones when with kids except perhaps to check a text message. They have higher visibility and report to a boss who is present while they are working, so IMO daycare workers are less likely to spend the day looking at their phones than nannies, who have more independence and are generally not monitored by their employers except during the parts of the day when they are in the same room.

Also of course people can fire daycares the same way you can fire a nanny.

[Anonymous]

OP, life is long, hopefully, find your sense of humor

[Anonymous]

I think it is funny. I don't understand people who try to be offended

[Anonymous]

Stay offended OP

[Anonymous]

She's not really your friend OP. Shes comparing your child to a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is actually really funny.

It made me laugh. Keep your pound puppies at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's judging you for using daycare vice a nanny, yes you should be annoyed.

But don't worry, the overprotected nanny kids just spend all of kindergarten getting sick every other week. So it'll come around. Play the long game and hold you kennel cough comments back until they are 5.

Hahaha this. My kids barely got sick in elementary school.

Mom of two daycare kids now all grown up. I'd do daycare again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's judging you for using daycare vice a nanny, yes you should be annoyed.

But don't worry, the overprotected nanny kids just spend all of kindergarten getting sick every other week. So it'll come around. Play the long game and hold you kennel cough comments back until they are 5.

This is some old wives tale that won't die out. Immune systems develop with age. So a 5 year old going to kindergarten has a much much stronger immune system than a baby / toddler starting daycare. Kids who don't go to daycare also still leave the house, go out in public and socialize and get exposed to all kinds of germs and bugs.

Stop repeating nonsense! If your 5 year olds immune system is still that of an infant / toddler, they should be under serious medical care.

You have a nanny at home and feel smug about the health of your children, don't you?

Np. I don't see smugness in that pp's post, but either way, she is correct.

https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2022/is-the-hygiene-hypothesis-true