New mom friend referred to my toddlers cough as “kennel cough”

[Anonymous]

I’d think it were funny if both of our kids were in daycare and she said it. Or if her kids were much older and she said it jokingly. But in the context you provide, especially if she talks all the time about how she’s glad she has a nanny so that her child can avoid getting sick, then it’s blatantly rude. It’s like saying “I’m so glad I made a different choice than you did because look how terribly your choice is going for you and look how well mine is going for me”. Even if you don’t believe her choice is better, it’s just really rude of her

[Anonymous]

She’ll sing a different tune when her kid starts getting sick every week like clockwork when she starts preschool (or kindergarten). And by then your kid won’t be getting sick much at all anymore. You can throw it right back at her in a similarly breezy tone. “Oh wow, looks like Larlita is the one with that kennel cough all winter now! SO glad my Larla got that out of the way when she was younger so that she doesn’t have to miss school now.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my kid was coughing that much I’d take them to the doctor.

She’s been to the doctor. She said it’s normal for coughs to last awhile. Her lungs are clear.

[Anonymous]

I think its funny. She might have said that because it sounds like a barking cough (like croup), not because she thinks you keep your kid in a kennel/daycare. Is it possible you are sensitive because you are uncomfortable with your childcare arrangement and putting it on her?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t like that. I would’ve said “kennel?” with distaste in my voice. But I’d let it go with a comment that kids either run through a bunch of illnesses in daycare, preschool, or else kindergarten. “No kids escape!”

[Anonymous]

Ha! We have four young kids…none in daycare. And we call it kennel cough. It’s funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’ll sing a different tune when her kid starts getting sick every week like clockwork when she starts preschool (or kindergarten). And by then your kid won’t be getting sick much at all anymore. You can throw it right back at her in a similarly breezy tone. “Oh wow, looks like Larlita is the one with that kennel cough all winter now! SO glad my Larla got that out of the way when she was younger so that she doesn’t have to miss school now.”

+1

I was a sahm so my kids rarely got sick until they started school. And now they get all the things! And then I get all the things. Plus lice.

I can’t speak to her intent, but it all evens out in the end.

[Anonymous]

Calling Kennel Cough is rude and not funny but I would not end a friendship but I would keep in mind that she thinks she is superior.

[Anonymous]

I think you're a bit sensitive over the daycare issue, so it's hard to say if she was judging you for using daycare (inappropriate) or if she was just judging the germ cesspool that children are (fine and accurate imo).

I'd be fine with the cough comment, but not about being judged for using daycare. I'd keep an ear out for any future comments/judgements but not cut her out just yet. I wouldn't tolerate having "friends" judging me for working or using daycare though.

[Anonymous]

It's a Seinfeld reference. Hilarious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd3eK1iEQvo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IDK, if it were me, I'd find it really funny and henceforth will be referring to all daycare-related colds as kennel cough.

But if she's not normally a humorous person, yes I'd think that was a passive-aggressive dig.

This. I think it's funny and would probably adopt this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d think it were funny if both of our kids were in daycare and she said it. Or if her kids were much older and she said it jokingly. But in the context you provide, especially if she talks all the time about how she’s glad she has a nanny so that her child can avoid getting sick, then it’s blatantly rude. It’s like saying “I’m so glad I made a different choice than you did because look how terribly your choice is going for you and look how well mine is going for me”. Even if you don’t believe her choice is better, it’s just really rude of her

+1 if someone's vibe annoys you, it's just part of thinking about whether you enjoy the friendship or it's not worth the mental space. I would find it off-putting. Some of these topics about the nanny etc just sound boring to engage with anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I actually think that's hilarious.

The context matters. If she's saying "I don't want your kid to come play if she still has that... (looks down her nose) kennel cough." (judgmental face) Then, okay, that's bad.

But if you're over playing and Larla starts coughing and you say "oh, gosh I'm sorry, she's coughing so much, she's really not that sick" and she laughs and says, "Oh, don't worry, I wouldn't stress about a little kennel cough" in a breezy tone? If you don't to be her friend, I'll take her number. She sounds awesome and funny.

It called and told her we wouldn’t make it to a holiday party because my toddler had a lingering cough. So it wasn’t a concern about exposure.

[Anonymous]

That’s my sense of humor. Doubt you and I could be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's judging you for using daycare vice a nanny, yes you should be annoyed.

But don't worry, the overprotected nanny kids just spend all of kindergarten getting sick every other week. So it'll come around. Play the long game and hold you kennel cough comments back until they are 5.

This is some old wives tale that won't die out. Immune systems develop with age. So a 5 year old going to kindergarten has a much much stronger immune system than a baby / toddler starting daycare. Kids who don't go to daycare also still leave the house, go out in public and socialize and get exposed to all kinds of germs and bugs.

Stop repeating nonsense! If your 5 year olds immune system is still that of an infant / toddler, they should be under serious medical care.