DH wants to pay for his older sister’s intervention and inpatient rehab

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. That’s a lot of money and rehab doesn’t always work.
I’d insist husband at least get some agreement from his mother to share the costs.

Right $10k just for the intervention. And he hasn’t even done any research into how much rehab actually costs. Or tried to get agreement from his mother who has plenty of savings to pay. Meanwhile we are killing ourselves working just to be able to pay our own bills. We can’t take on the financial responsibility of another adult.

What makes you think 10k is going to be enough, this crack head hasn't been accountability all her life she will just run up more money going in and out while "relapsing" making excuses. sorry you put your foot down and say she goes cold turkey get a job or gets kicked out

I don’t think it is. That’s my issue.

[Anonymous]

So when you say him helping his sister is "a dealbreaker" for you, does that mean you'll ask for a divorce if he does?

[Anonymous]

If what you say about her being threatened with eviction soon, she'll likely be homeless in the near future. If she gets sober, will you allow her to move in with you to save money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If what you say about her being threatened with eviction soon, she'll likely be homeless in the near future. If she gets sober, will you allow her to move in with you to save money?

real consequence no helping until she gets a job, i would make a rule you have 30 days to get a job and your own place

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If what you say about her being threatened with eviction soon, she'll likely be homeless in the near future. If she gets sober, will you allow her to move in with you to save money?

Lol. "SIL, who has NEVER worked a day in her life, took the last cup of coffee, from MEEEEEE who has a job, it's soooo unfair, I wish I was disabled in an accident like her!"

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So when you say him helping his sister is "a dealbreaker" for you, does that mean you'll ask for a divorce if he does?

Hmmm... DH may be playing a bit of 4D chess, here.

[Anonymous]

So if there is an intervention involved, I assume she is not ready for actual help? Then all you're doing is wasting money by sending her to rehab. If she's not ready to get sober, rehab won't do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If what you say about her being threatened with eviction soon, she'll likely be homeless in the near future. If she gets sober, will you allow her to move in with you to save money?

No. She should go live with her mother. Or get a roommate on Craigslist/facebook/any other place. And find a job there as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may not be capable of working. You say she was in an accident with a significant settlement and that it occurred awhile ago. Significant sums are not given for minor non disabling accidents. To also say she’s addicted to opioids. Add to that, she’s been out of the workforce for awhile.

Not sure what you’re looking for here other than to complain. But honestly if my sibling would benefit from an intervention and rehab I’d do what I could to pay for it. It’s better than a dead sibling. But you’re not the sibling and you clearly despise your SIL.

Would you go into debt?

I lost my brother to a drug overdose. I’d have done anything including gone into debt to have avoided that. And I have gone into debt to pay for my kid’s treatment.

But it would not have stopped the overdose. Do you’d be broke and he’d still have overdosed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.

SIL’s college was paid for by her parents. No one, including DH, knows whether she actually graduated with a degree. She did not work full-time before the accident either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if there is an intervention involved, I assume she is not ready for actual help? Then all you're doing is wasting money by sending her to rehab. If she's not ready to get sober, rehab won't do anything.

But isn't rehab what is immediately offered at an intervention or is that just on tv?

[Anonymous]

1. Work is not happening, OP. I don't know if there's addiction or a mental health issue or both, but it's hard to find a job these days, especially if you don't have a work history and are on the older side.

2. It's useless to pay for rehab or whatever your husband is talking about. She's not getting better. That's money down the drain! Put your foot down.

3. What you two need to do is TALK to the sister. Does she even want your help?

4. You can perhaps agree to paying a modest rent on a studio, and her mother is responsible for food support or medical appointments or whatever else she needs.

5. PAY THE BILL DIRECTLY. Do not give SIL the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if there is an intervention involved, I assume she is not ready for actual help? Then all you're doing is wasting money by sending her to rehab. If she's not ready to get sober, rehab won't do anything.

Nope, she doesn’t think anything is wrong. DH has a theory that SIL is trying to gather evidence to sue the apartment company to get another settlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if there is an intervention involved, I assume she is not ready for actual help? Then all you're doing is wasting money by sending her to rehab. If she's not ready to get sober, rehab won't do anything.

But isn't rehab what is immediately offered at an intervention or is that just on tv?

It’s offered but the person has to agree to go.